Wednesday, 31 December 2008

So That's A Whole Year Ended

My invite to Kerry Katona's glamorous party with all her fantastic frozen nibbles including the intriguing King Prawn Spoons and great guests like Jason Donovan, has obviously been lost in the post. So I will probably do what I did last year,  sit at home listening to Big Ben ring in the new year and watch the fireworks. Not that I would have it any other way, its the one time where you need a ticket to go down the pub and I'm never that organised.

The beauty of life is that its often uncertain and throw good and bad things your way unexpectedly I hope you can navigate your path next year with ease.

The Girl Who... would like to thank you for reading thus far. Some blogs are either or all of the following witty, informative, moving, intelligent or inspiring. Mine is ... er, ...

..anyway, happy new year!

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Have A Cracking Christmas

I give you a cheesy but topical advert from the 1980's. No wonder they went bust in the end, the amount they must have paid the Goodies during this extravaganza.

I'll be back after I've bought some C90 cassettes for only £2.99.

Woolworths "Have a Cracking Christmas" UK TV Advert (1981)

A very merry Christmas to you all, 
Lucy Haylie Tolliday. 

Sunday, 21 December 2008


Even a few months ago I probably would have hid somewhere or ran away.

It was drizzly evening and I was late. As seems to be the case whenever I attempt to get ready recently other people unwittingly hinder and delay me, that day was no different. I get ready eventually, makeup's a bit rushed and my sister turns up. Outside people were out and about, one double take but alright. Until...

The man in the fake Burberry cap turns up. It wasn’t until we passed each other that I heard him shout a string of expletives aggressively.

Uh oh.

I continued to walk away, picking up a little, not turning back, listening for the sound of footsteps just in case. QUEER, GAY, QUEER was his passing shot as I disappeared off to pass others who indifferent or more tolerating of this tranny in their midst.

I had a comeback ready but decided to take what I decided was the safest course of action. I have had homophobic and a instance of transphobic abuse before, depressing though that statement is. There will always be bigots about but they can’t be allowed to stop me or turn me into a permanent victim.

Writing about this I am aware that I may be dissuading some thinking of coming out but I can’t paint a rosy picture all the time, just be sensible and for me the joys outweigh the pains and knob heads encountered. I am not brave nor do I have high self esteem.

The rest of the night was pleasant enough, it was nice to have an excuse to get out even if my application of blusher wasn’t the best. I can be the quiet on and I apologise to anyone who met a slightly monosyllabic tranny, that was probably me being awkward at social gatherings again. My posture failed me at times and needs more work. The photo was taken on the way home, I forgot to activate the control for dim conditions so I’m a little in the shadows and my photography skills need a little work.

I did take a mirror this time, next time remember some flip-flops to put on if walking home.

Saturday, 20 December 2008

No Longer Quiescent

My post frequency has dipped giving anyone who read's this a break from reading about my gender gubbins. Actually I haven't had the time to develop ideas, some of my thoughts have though, run their way to twitter.

A few may have noticed they are a "friend" lighter on Facebook, its because it was increasingly becomeing a ghost profile and if you are member on social sites you probably should be active. I also think it brought out the worst in me as I seriously considered accepting a total stranger I knew nothing about just to add a friend to my tally. Life should not be a popularity contest, though many acted as if it was. Perhaps I'm being too uptight as to the definition of a friend that it has been devalued in the modern world. And what about a delete profile button as well instead of having to fire off emails.

I am planing for next year, some of the things are that I feel my mind is going to mush at the moment need a challenge and mental stimulation above the occaisional sudoku puzzle. Need to push my development to being a female on top of that, grow my esteem and fight my deamon's and dark thoughts.

And above all DON'T EVEN TOUCH A LABEL DEBATE, however well meaning I am.

Currently trying out Pidgin as an alternative to running seperate IM clients, seems to be running fine my messenger login is lucytolliday AT provided you're not a spammer or troll feel free to add.

Sunday, 7 December 2008

The Cure

Like economists if you ask 10 transgendered people their opinion of something you will often end up with 11 different views*. All honed independently and often developed by looking at the same source material yet coming up with a different conclusion.

Some are flexible in their ideologies than others like the great John Maynard Keynes said "If the facts change, I change my mind...", others are ridged zealously defending their view.I would like to think I'm the former rather than the latter. Always open to new ideas and adjusting accordingly.

You may be wondering where am I going with this? Personally I have no idea.

However there are issues which everyone seems to agree on. With economists it doesn't matter if you adhere to the Chicago school or are a neo-Keynesian, you agree that free trade is good thing. The extent and implementation is debatable but on the principle it gets your seal of approval.

In the trans grouping the thing which gets similar agreement is that there is no cure. A brief search will turn up lines like, "there is no cure" numerous times. Allowing for the fact that if anyone has been cured then they are no longer in the community, there is the belief that the statement is true. But if true why are there individuals offering hope to vulnerable people like myself. At times I want to believe them.

* I haven't asked any transgendered economists, there must be one as I'm sure not every tranny works in IT (though sometimes it seems so).

Did I disappoint anyone who saw the title and were expecting to read some words on Robert Smith et al?

Monday, 1 December 2008


Think I found a collectors item. Sadly a company can't survive on warm fuzzy feelings from the public alone or as it turns out being lumped with a lot of your parent companies debt when demerged.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Catch Up

I finally have an internet connection, even if it is of poor quality, but enough about that. Try to catch up over the next few days sorry if it takes a while got a bit of work related gubbins to clear first as I took a few days off for reasons some may guess at.


Thursday, 20 November 2008

Transgender Day Of Remembrance

Today, 20th November, is about remembrance of those from the transgender community who are no longer alive and those who are victims of bigotry and mindless hatred while being themselves.

About TDOR at Transgender Day of Remembrance.
San Francisco Sentinel... National Transgender Day of Rembrance (2007) .

Monday, 17 November 2008

Inconsiderate People

I hope you are not eating while reading this.

I had the misfortune to visit a mens toilet, as I really couldn't hold it in any longer. Nearby you could hear the sounds of someone spending more than a penny. As I was washing my hands I heard the cubicle open and the guy walking out. All my hand washing would be undone by opening the door to get out and it doesn't bear thinking what else, the keyboards, chairs and handles we probably both have touched that day. Although a recent study suggests that its people not washing their hands properly there are some who don't wash at all.

One gram of faeces contains, 10,000,000 viruses, 1,000,000 bacteria, 100 parasitic eggs.... Infection causes serious illness like diarrhoea, E.coli and results in the death of many each year especially but not exclusively in the developing world.

A stream of urine seems minor in comparison.
You are not a child. Wash your hands and flush the chain you rude, inconsiderate, dirty man.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Myths and Lies About Article 8 and the Human Rights Act

Long post alert! So long I have split it into two parts. Sorry if I dip into legalese at times, I am also afraid that BDSM is not something I'm too knowledgeable about, so if I've got anything wrong please let me know.

The European Convention Of Human Rights.

"Article 8
1. Everyone has the right to respect for his private and family life, his home and his correspondence.
2. There shall be no interference by a public authority with the exercise of this right except such as is in accordance with the law and is necessary in a democratic society in the interests of national security, public safety or the economic well-being of the country, for the prevention of disorder or crime, for the protection of health or morals, or for the protection of the rights and freedoms of others."

There has much moaning and groaning among certain sections of the press concerning the judgement by the Honourable Mr Justice Eady in the case of Mosley v News Group Newspapers Ltd. ([2008] EWHC 1777 (QB) (24 July 2008)). More recently by the Daily Mail editor-in-chief Paul Dacre (BBC NEWS | UK | Mail editor accuses Mosley judge).

In the original News Of The World 'exclusive' which in their typical style they called a "Sick Nazi Orgy" images from a concealed camera were published in print and online of Max Mosley head of the governing body of world motorsport taking part in BDSM with five prostitutes.

After independent evaluation of the film by a respected Q.C. no evidence could be found of any Nazi activity.

When it went to the High Court Mosley won his case claiming breach of privacy dismissing the defence that it was in the public interest.

This was the right decision because.
  1. He has not displayed hypocrisy by publicly supporting any anti-prostitution or anti-s and m cause.
  2. The participants were consenting adults.
  3. He is a victim of his parents being prominent fascists, the crimes of the father should not automatically pass to the child.
  4. By the nature of the scene he was engaged in privacy and discretion is pretty much inferred and should not require a written agreement. "Woman E" breached that duty of confidence.
  5. Paying a dominatrix is not illegal.
  6. There is no legitimate public interest other than a bit of titillation, his employers probably are entitled to know but the public isn't.
  7. The claim it affected him doing his job is laughable other than the fact he probably sits down a little gingerly.
  8. He's not a public servant (and even then its debatable).
  9. He has not made a living out of selling his private life to the media.
  10. Adulterous or unconventional or "perverted" behaviour does not automatically give the media permission to intrude.
  11. It was not responsible journalism.
  12. It was on private property.
The losers for invading his privacy had to pay £60,000 a mere drop in the ocean for the Murdoch empire, although with costs it will be a lot more.

The response from the NOTW was predictable claiming it was a restriction on press freedom. This despite the fact that Eady had weighed up the rights (and responsibilities) afforded to press freedom in Article 10 and dismissed them.

The newspaper reporter also behaved wretchedly in effectively blackmailing "woman A" and "woman B" for as Eady put it.

"This would appear to contain a clear threat to the women involved that unless they cooperated with Mr Thurlbeck (albeit in exchange for some money) their identities would be revealed on the following Sunday. He was as good as his word and attached photographs and also some extracts from their websites. This was obviously to bring home to them the scale of the threatened exposé."

"Perhaps to their credit, the two women concerned resisted these blandishments and thus risked the further exposure he had threatened."

While hindering the sort of investigations perpetuated by the NOTW and others. I can see nothing that affects serious journalistic investigation of corruption or crime etc. which the NOTW has also done and broken some great stories.

Which brings me to the claims of the Mail's editor. Firstly it wasn't an amoral selective judgement for the reasons above and that important point he applied the law, he didn't make it. All he wants is carte blanche to condemn individuals in pursuit of the Mail's standards of morality. The laws applying the provisions into law were debated and passed by a democratically elected body, the judgement can be appealed.

The right to privacy included in the Human Rights Act is not too dissimilar to the old common law claim for breach of a duty of confidence. Something I will continue in part two alongside the misconceptions about the ECHR and critique of some media coverage.

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Thursday, 30 October 2008

My Wardrobe Mistakes

On Saturdays I don't do much actual shopping. The crowds and long queue's are a bit of a turn off. So it's just browsing most of the time, my purchases are mainly during the week. Like the coat I bought for the cold nights to come.

I really need to pull out my entire wardrobe and decide what goes with which and then make a little list of what I need to add to my collection. I'm sure everybody makes mistakes, especially when you are building up your wardrobe. You tend to grab anything vaguely feminine despite the colour or pattern is hideous making you look like the Bindel-esc vision of what all trannies look like all the time.

That dress was long since placed in a Oxfam collection bin. All photographic records, I thought, were lost in the great computer meltdown of 2007. Almost as if my PC would rather give up than store any image of it. But then they turned up, stored online somewhere I had completely forgotten about, they show a different me. They show what I have done despite being so lazy constantly on the go and so busy I don't have the time. Also what can be done if I make further effort.

Nothing like looking a picture of you looking bad to cheer you up.

That's not to say it was all bad but I suspect that it was more luck than judgement.

Friday, 17 October 2008

Blue Peter

Long an outlet for smug goody goody kids to be smug on television Blue Peter is 50 years old. Its an excuse to play the elephant clip yet again and for those adults who haven't watched for years to wallow in nostalgia.

Plenty has been written about classic line-ups but the classic line-up is the one that was there when you were growing up (for me that's the late 80's, early 90's, making Tracy Island etc). I did also help with their appeals, probably helping to buy a brick of a Romanian orphanage for all my effort.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

A Night

Previously on my tranny blog, I stopped at the point I left the house. I had spent the days leading up to it pondering whether I was overdressed, there are times for jeans + t-shirts this wasn't one.

Thanks to an interruption and typically poor time keeping I was beyond being fashionably late. In the rush to leave I grabbed my camera but forgot to put any batteries in. I also forgot to bring any mirror, but that shouldn't matter, should it? Rushing along, the mist frizzing up my immaculately smoothed hair (if I had picked the wig I might have been even more hot and flustered than I was). Should be thankful that bar a bit of recession I can still make a choice.

Yes, getting there. Finally! Need to touch up my make up and swap walking for heeled shoes. Nobody about, nip into the ladies (one small step crossed off that list) but wheres the mirror? WHAT TOILET DOESN'T HAVE A FLIPPIN' MIRROR!


I know I'll take a picture to check... oh...ah! My phone, takes blurry snap, reapplies lippy, takes another snap to be sure I've painted my lips and not my chin or nose. Takes deep breath... "sorry I'm late...I'm Lucy..."

The night whizzed by and the rush helped in that there's no time to panic. Going home my fear dissipated with every passing car.

With all the bobbins trannies have to face its important to remember the good times. There are times when its not easy, my heart goes to you all.

Monday, 13 October 2008

The Longest Suicide Note In History

The more recent use of this phrase "the longest suicide note in history" was used to describe Windows Vista. In the UK it is more famous as Gerald Kaufman's description of the Labour party's 1983 election manifesto. The manifesto itself was based partly on the rather perverse assumption that the reason they lost in 1979 was that they were not socialist enough any polling would have told them this was not the case even among Labour supporters but for some even stranger reason they fired their pollster only to rehire him when it was too late.

Yes there are a few what were they thinking moments, some well meaning and there are a references that are of their time but a quick glance of The New Hope for Britain, shows that a lot has been implemented especially since 1997, strengthened (and in some areas new) equality legislation, equal rights for part time workers, fox hunting banned, introducing Ema's, freedom of information act, devolution, phase out TV licences for pensioners (well for the over 75's anyway), minimum wage....

There's also mention of greater government intervention in the market, including bank lending and taking a few into public ownership.
But that's clearly bonkers and will never happen.

Sunday, 12 October 2008

Bring On The Wall!

The Hole in the Wall is a work of genius, the guy at the beeb who bought the rights deserves a pat on the back. Watching d list celebs sometimes in a silver jumpsuit which is on some is very unflattering (Vanessa?) being more often than not nudged into a pool of water is almost hypnotic. There's a part of me that says I really should be watching something better and yes I should.

*Mutters something something paved with good intentions*

It reminds me of a story of people who take out certain pretentious films on DVD only to post them back unwatched months later along with a much handled copies of Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Dude Where's My Car which they pretend was for the kids.

But that's just an aside to my brief tale of my night out which went swimmingly and I looked fine for my standards.

Lets go to the judges for the marks on my appearance.

Craig: Four *boo*

Arlene: Four *muted boo*

Len: Six *hurrah*

Bruno: Five

Somebody pokes Brucie to wake him up and the show continues.

19 (or as Paul Hardcastle would put it N-n-n-n-n-ighteen) out of 40 not bad I think, off I go.

Actually was all a bit rushed, which in a way helped as I didn't have time to worry, swapped my walking shoes for heals and then its showtime.

Friday, 10 October 2008


Been away a bit, simply haven't had the writing mojo and in some ways it would just rehash the same old rubbish.

The week started badly and got a little better. I won't go into too much detail I do not want this journal to turn into a Miserable Margret meets Suicidal Sid hybrid and for that to be seen as the only facet of my personality.But I did get away.

While away the Breville didn't make work for idle trannies and I got to try a few outfits, which covered a few styles and largely suited me. Apart from that its been a bit meh, at least the sci-fi double of the Sarah Jane Adventures and Heroes have begun. Now I know the SJA is CBBC but firstly I don't care, secondly I will watch anything Who related (even the first series of Torchwood, which lets admit was a bit crap in places) finally sonic lipstick! Sadly the very good looking dad has left, boo.

Got to sort out a few things, mainly get in touch with my gp and dentist.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Tranny Cleaning

I am still here, yes I amaze myself at times. I had one of those nights which happen with worrying frequency recently. The dark thoughts happen too often Its not even funny any more, I want it to stop. It probably is no coincidence that my spell check suggests tyranny when I type tranny.

Looks like you're writing yet another post on your gender disphoria. Need some help?


Are you sure? Yes / No.

Yes I am. Leave me alone.

On the positive side I have a new toy, a bagless vacuum, which has incredible suction and it also has the feature which was popularised by Mr Dyson's version of the clear plastic panel so you can see the dust. The downside with most domestic vacuums are that the lead tends to be too short the hoover has to be unplugged as you go from room to room or you need an extension cord.

Another tip cheap polish is just as good as the more expensive brands, so save your money and buy own brand polish, even some economy brands instead.

More tranny cleaning tips someday.

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

The Pointless Knowledge of Trannies.

Of all the things I need to recall how to do the Macarena is not normally one of them.

I can't remember how to do the dance linked to a mid nineties novelty song enriches my life. I am trying to things I learnt which might be of use dance is not one of them.

Anyway to leave all that behind I got ready to go out, everybody else it seemed like, had the same idea and although I looked alright for once I wasn't up for walking past a group of loud teenagers with music blaring from their mobiles (whatever happened to earphones).

Going home there would be a Zen like calm but going out is different, the worst thing that could happen springs to my mind. Like an alien invasion that halts just so both sides can point and laugh before the aliens successfully enslave the human race. Actually its more mundane than that but just as horrifying in my mind. The bizarre thing was that the following night the streets were empty to quote Del Amitri "The Martians could land in the carpark and no one would care".

If you want to relive the joy / horror here follow this link.

Monday, 29 September 2008

Buddy Can You Spare $700 Billion?

The situation moves fast so accepting the risk that by the time you are reading this it is out of date. Here are a few thoughts.

Main Street of Wall Street?
A lot of talk has been like the two are mutually exclusive. They aren't. A failure to get even a short term loan will impale many small businesses because banks can't get the money themselves. Consumer confidence impacts on the markets. It is not just mortgages, important though they may be. Talking of which.

Bradford and Bingley.
Much like Washington Mutual, its been on the death list for so long that in one way its amazing it staggered on for this amount of time. My great sympathies are with the staff shareholders who have had a large part of their investments wiped out. Sadly money was given to people who shouldn't have received it in some cases to plonk their money in buy to let empires having watched too much channel 4.

Given that many homes under mortgage by the B&B will have been let out, their will be many innocent victims who will not know this and the first they do is when a bailiff knocks at their door to evict them. As their will be a great cost in rehousing them (a legal requirement), a sensible suggestion would be for the government to take ownership of the property allowing the tenant to stay in their house with a view to passing on to a local authority, housing association or eventually the open market.

Too Laissez-faire?
As I've noted before one can be too Laissez-faire, it was poor oversight and deregulation which led to the BSE crisis which damaged British farming arguably to this day. The Philips Enquiry into BSE / vCJD (head to for the report if you are interested) suggested that the British government in the late 1980's and 1990's was rather poor and bureaucratic in dealing with the crisis and there was a lack of coordination between departments. The subsequent foot and mouth crisis further emphasised this and it does not seem much has been learnt since. So much for joined up government.

You also blame the guys in power and they do deserve a big kicking for their many failings but such was the political consensus the other guys would have wound you in the same mess. Now that we're in the doo-doo those who oppose the government policies on both sides of the Atlantic hardly have a decent alternative. The Shadow Chancellor I'm afraid inspires little confidence and still suggests that he only got the job because his mate is the leader.

Ultimately checks have to be put in place to save companies from themselves and make banking a slower growing but more dependable business.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Not Good

"Oh you work there as well cos I'm about to pick my daughter up from there".

Owning a top that makes it look like you work for a large supermarket chain. Not good. I get home and notice the resemblance. It won't be worn again.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Cheep Pasties.

I understand that in a advertising downturn the only remaining option for newspapers is to raise the cover price but I can not be the only person who after noticing the price had gone up to 90p thought to leave it (I vaguely remember some economics classes about price elasticity and that newspaper demand is more sensitive to changes in price than a commodity like oil) and just read a book, the Metro (or other free newspaper handed my way) instead. Its perhaps as well some newspapers seem they look more obsessed with turning the pages into one long promotion of their website.

When I do get somewhere I notice another Greggs has opened, just a few yards from two other branches. I suspect at their current rate of expansion I soon wouldn't be able to walk round the corner without going past a branch. (I did look at the website where they claim they plan to continue expanding significantly) Some people could say its a good indicator in a few words, about the area I live, but could also sound a little snobbish about the popular retailer of cheap sausage rolls (rather like value sausages I dread to think what goes into them) and very salty savoury snacks.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Toy Lion Called Simba.

Originally uploaded by Lucy and some pictures

Just a post to keep the blog ticking over.

Had the cold I normally pick up at this time of year, otherwise still known as the freshers flu. Where everyone heads back to school or work and mingles their germs with everyone else's.

Have had plenty of thoughts but not the energy to build it up into a full post. Just sat back and watched the financial world go through one of its periodical madnesses.

More soon.

(The lion was called Simba by my niece.)

Monday, 15 September 2008

View From the Ledge.

Another big financial house comes crashing down, and a lot of people have lost their jobs. Some are the individuals who made the poor deals that ruined Lehman and were richly rewarded at the time. But most are ordinary workers who in New York having the pain of losing their jobs compounded by walking out of their office with a few personal effects and keepsakes to be met by a large crowd of reporters, photographers and onlookers gawking at them. Some were carrying branded items which were a few weeks ago a piece of tat, have probably like Enron branded paper weights and slinky's become valuable souvenirs considering administrators are unable to pay staff in London one hopes they are.

All in all a capitalist economy should encorage risk taking but there is a difference between taking a calcutated risk and backing the three legged horse to win the Grand National and it shows a failure in current lasez-faire system of reguation, although I am sympathetic to a liberal system of regualtion it has shown not to have worked. The fact is it may not be the last financial institution to fail.

Friday, 12 September 2008

More Of That Sort Of Thing.

I was going to write about something else, a great humorous idea, so good in fact I thought someone must have done it before. After a little googleing I found another tranny blogger with better html skills had done just that a few years ago. So instead of the intended cracking post, here's more of the sort of thing you've come to expect.

You might have realised that my griping about my inability to apply eyeliner properly is a recurring theme. I get half way and then suddenly oops, so I'm deciding to make the best of a bad job. Do I stop half way, realising its going to go wrong? Do I plough on with a half straight half wavy combination? Or shall I not bother?

I don't get the make up out when I'm home alone, I have nowhere to go and its a bit time consuming. But I really fancy a night out and I want to look vaguely presentable and yes, slightly feminine once in a while.

I do feel it is indicative of my many failings on the road to feminity.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Hackneyed Blogger

Don't pick the scab, you'll regret it.... There, I told you you'd regret it. It was there after one of those accidents that only happen to clumsy people like me, starring at me and getting itchy. The outcome you can guess.

Just tell the five o'clock shadow gag, I dare ya.

A book entitled The Libel Law, fly's across the room and hits me. Anyone else sick of the innuendo laden stories regarding Lindsey Lohan. Would the same level of titillation happen if it was a young male star? All that really matters is that she stops making really bad films. I do wonder about musicians especially rap artists who make homophobic statements, I tend to lean towards the view that the lady doth protest too much, methinks.

What next a funny deep voice?

Just heard one of those hackneyed comedy routines, could almost have predicted what came next. I presume if I stuck around around he would have done a Stephen Hawking voice and other tired routines. I'll stop trannies complaining about such things are just as old and hackneyed as those old jokes.

Bye for now.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Can't Live Without... My Tat

It is not glam and lacy (I could live without) but its my interpretation of fashion item I couldn't live without. After seening the ordinary bland items I wear if I did have any admirers they would have given up. I did consider poseing in it but decided that I would spare your eyes and the necessity to bleach them out. Here is what I uploaded as my little contribution.
Wow! I hear you say. If I get time I'll photograph the shoes I wore the first time I went out.

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Poor Mary Smith.

"Mary Smith will be moving off your business. Now that we understand your business better, we are replacing her with someone who we feel will be a better partner for you."

Above is one suggested way Carat US' dress up communicate to clients the fact that the previous person looking after their account was given the boot, in an email sent discussing staff cuts only intended for senior managers was cc'ed to the whole company.

Finally a company wide circular that's worth reading not just clogging up your inbox. Although the cuts will probably be updated soon to include the head of HR who sent the email.

Monday, 1 September 2008

Can't Live Without.


On the Photographers Gallery website there is a nice online gallery, where users can upload and share a story about he piece of clothing or accessory you can not live without. The examples above are taken from the site and there are many nice tales about why they're indispensable. The physical exhibitions in London have already been mentioned on many other sites like Helena's (the current exhibition hasn't got long to run). I may raid my wardrobe and add a photo of my own.

Friday, 29 August 2008


I am dreading the 2012 opening ceremony if its anything like the London spot during this years Olympic closing ceremony with the whole lame bus thing. Visions of Diana Ross missing a penulty again as a nation cringes in embarrisment at the sheer horror of it. Perhaps we should just pretend its another state funeral, we're quite good at them or hire Chaz and Dave to perform Rabbit.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

General Studies.

I tend to know bits of many subjects instead of a lot about a few, so when I start opining about something I'm always aware there's someone out there to say I'm wrong. Not just that they can say why while pointing and laughing at my lack of in-depth knowledge.

That may be a problem after all the General Studies A Level was widely considered to one of the most pointless qualifications ever invented.

Come to think of it, lack of knowledge hasn't stopped me before.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008


Have not had a great deal of time to add more to my blog or to stick to my promises to reply. I could have added something via my mobile but my data charges are probably too high as it is. Despite great noises being made about mobile sites it is best for accessing travel news and timetables, weather and reading email, not for writing long blog posts which I'd try to email in.

My recent posts have contained more heartache than a country ballad (I cant remember any songs about trannies, but you get the point). It probably has been seen before all this tranny angst. Although unique to me it seems quite similar.

Just been thinking things through, excerpt from that conversation replay. The question do you want to be a woman? I've given thought to the answer and its yes. The problem is that I never will be able to replicate the full experience of being a woman, there's just so many rights of passage I've missed. Time and testosterone have seen to that and its so depressing if I give it too much thought.

I have thought about many things. What once seemed impossible for me is beginning to seem possible.

I could carry on complaining but I am looking for solutions for the question of how do you solve a problem like Lucy?

Saturday, 23 August 2008

The Mess Round My Computer.

...Has a new addition.
Another old teddy, (I know I can buy a new one for few pounds, but it wouldn't have the character) currently hugging my web cam. Needs some more stuffing.
The space round my computer is cluttered (but not dirty, she hastens to add) with bits and pieces close to hand like my diary, phone, scrap of paper with the passwords to sites like Facebook, Angels forum, New York Times etc. Then there's the personal effects, family photo's and a little drawing from my niece. Before the days of hot desking and restrictive diktats such items adorned many staff members personal space at work.

Monday, 18 August 2008

Statue Of Little Baby Cheeses.

Oh my God. This is just so wrong it MAKES ME WANT TO TYPE IN CAPITALS. Yes a new version has been made of the show which launched a thousand drag tribute acts.

YouTube - Kath and Kim American Version.

I don't think the makers quite get the essence of the original and the genius of the girls behind it. In many ways it is quintessentially Australian. (I think you can tell I'm a big fan of the original show).

Not all remakes are bad though most like the remaking of every decent Japanese horror film (which seems to be going on at the moment) are unnecessary.

In tv sitcom land for every success like The Upper Hand (the UK version of Who's The Boss) and The Office. There are many more flops, The Brighton Belles (The Golden Girls), Days Like These (That '70's show) and the version of One Foot In the Grave with Bill Cosby.

Friday, 15 August 2008

Just Look Ahead Now.

Thank you for your responses, they are much appreciated. I'll try to respond to them within a day or two and I will write something longer soon.

I've just been busy, feeling incredibly tired and a bit crap, which for part of the week was matched by the weather a mixture of clouds, heavy rain and the wearing of coats that should normally still be packed away at this time of year. The emotional pain I felt was joined by a physical pain which necessitated a trip to dentist and some expensive follow up work to come.

That said I'm better than I was last week but then it couldn't have got much worse so the only way was up.

Hope you are fine wherever you are.

Saturday, 9 August 2008

Apology Caption.

We're sorry for the interruption, we hope to resume a normal blog service soon. In the meantime here's some music.

Friday, 8 August 2008


So I spent the following day catching up on a little sleep, the past few weeks have been a slow moving crash waiting to happen. It was scary, I contemplated doing something drastic. I'm thinking maybe its time to consider I may be ts but I seem to have a mental block on the word. Its like the average brain takes longer to process danger or threats, this is a fraction of a second but for a fighter pilot it means the difference between life and death. I should have seen what's wrong with me how it was tearing my life apart. I need to get to the root of the problem.

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

They Know.

My mind was spending all this time thinking up terrible things that would happen if I told my family, I never considered that they would accept and still love me.

"Do you want to become a woman?" I was asked.

I was desperately trying not to cry and couldn't speak much because of it. They noticed everything, the way I was acting and were concerned.

Cried after it, still very tear-y hours later. Glad its out.

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Fáilte Towers.

If you were wondering what happened to the siblings who did the Irish Eurovision entry a few years ago, then wonder no more. (RTÉ.ie Entertainment: Fáilte Towers all set to open its doors).

Points for the title, points off for me because I know who most of the contestants are.

Given that reality and quiz television formats spread round the world very quickly expect a local version coming to your screens soon.

And if you didn't like that one there's 100's like it coming up.

Sunday, 3 August 2008

View From A Castle

View from a castle
Originally uploaded by Lucy and some pictures

Taken on a cloudy blustery day, from Barberry Castle at the edge of the Marlborough Downs in Wiltshire. In the distance about 6 miles away is the town of Swindon.

I forgot to add, its the site of an Iron age fort and is a nice place to walk round.

A Glamorous Life.

It is not as if my life is interesting enough to write about in the first place. How I wish it was more interesting, a whirl of glitz and glamour. I do worry that this blog is not Sex In The City but more Ed Reardon's Week or Diary Of A Nobody.

Perhaps I should use this blog to encourage me to do interesting things. I am someone who could quite easily drift through my life, until one day I'm old and my carer is asking "do you want to be Lucy today?" And I'm thinking where did it all go?

I am not moaning to you about it, after all it is something I can control. But there is something scary about upping sticks and moving away from the familiar which is stopping me.

Saturday, 2 August 2008

How Will I

A little thought. As I begin to come out and people start to know me face to face how will this blog, other online contributions (like forum posts, social network pages) and most importantly, myself change?

It's inevitable that it will. For a start they will see the real me, although this is honest in what I talk about, for example I don't claim to pass (and I am still a little upset about it, but have come to accept the fact). I do not mention everything, sometimes its too mundane and tedious, would 'out' me, I don't have time, or at worst it is something I'm not proud of.

The cathartic posts about my feelings will have to stop.

I started this as a closeted girl nobody had met me, that will no longer be the case. I hopefully will have an outlet but I don't want to think about what it will lead to.

As for here I'm was tempted to blow it up and start again but I've decided not to. The title and url still seems apt to me.

Tuesday, 29 July 2008


Frequently when the recommendations of brokers or share tipsters are analysed the picks of a five year old or a bonobo chimpanzee often do just as well or even better, so I wonder why I'm assumed to have the correct answer as to whether one should take part in a rights issue or buy those shares.

I understand P/E ratios and so on but its not my area, its like asking criminal lawyer about house conveyancing. So I make some bland comments ripped from the money section about using up your ISA allowance, diversify and ability to withstand risk. I'm not a genius when it comes to investing anyway.

While mentioning Bonobo's they seen to be a fantastic species unlike other chimps instead of having fights they have sex instead.

Bonobo 1. "Wow food!"
Bonobo 2. "Fight you for it."
Bonobo 1. "Nah, lets have sex instead."
Bonobo 2. "Ok."

This intercourse can be between the sexes or same sex genital rubbing. Its also unusual in that its female centric. Do humans need to learn something?

Monday, 28 July 2008

The Big Song And Dance Number.

I am currently disappointed that life doesn't just turn into one big musical dance number at the drop of a hat.

Would life be better? I'm sorry drifting off into fantasy land, its sometimes better than facing real life at the moment.

Oh god it's drifting into another woe is me post, the truth is I've been feeling fine recently and I'd hate to leave the impression that I'm permanently down. I have seen what I can do if I don't panic.

I also nearly outed myself to the neighbour. It was a nice bright sunny morning and I unthinkingly set out to retrieve the recycling bins which were set down in the middle of the pavement obstructing everyone. Looking up the road I noticed the whole road had their bins left in a similar fashion posing a tough obstacle course for anyone wheeling a pushchair.

At the risk of losing tranny credibility I don't put make-up on any more if I'm just staying in, so out I step wearing a black dress and jacket when I notice my neighbour with his back to me fiddling with the keys to lock the door. After very quickly backtracking though the door I realised that a few seconds either way could have been very interesting.

I'm sure there's a parallel scenario playing out where that happens. Perhaps there are many parallel versions of me playing out, yes I think I've read and watched too much sci-fi as well. The Lucy that transitioned, the bob that purged, the one where my mother gave birth to a female and called her Lucy and I simply never was there.

Overall I'm beginning to realise that it's a question of when not if I tell my close family. Yep I'm just another tranny who feels the guilt of not opening up to their family, perhaps I'm not as atypical as I think.

I spent the weekend in a retail mood but saw nothing in the clothes shops. I went into eventually settled on a black cardigan I thought might go well with a few things, although it may be a sign and that soon I'd be shopping in Bonmarché and M&S.

Blimey I do go on.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Over-used Songs..

A note to people in television, there are more than three songs in the world.

For the emotional montage at the end will you stop playing either Chasing Cars (stop playing Snow Patrol, full stop) or Hoppípolla and can you stop playing Clubbed To Death as well for every sporty or pacey montage.

There's a whole world of music out there. There's no excuse even if you're time and budget pressed, it's just laziness and a bit thoughtless.

(Alright there are more than 3 records, but there is a small list of tracks that are always used as background music).

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Whadda You Mean You've Never Heard Of My Blog!

A year ago today a girl called Lucy founded a blog. There were already millions of blogs, most of them, it felt like, written by trannies.

I don't know what you've taken from my blog (if anything) but I hope you've found my witterings enjoyable. And there are some things that you've taken from here, perhaps some of the following.

  1. Don't be a twat.
  2. Self-service checkouts are EVIL.
  3. I'm a little messed up.
  4. My make up skills leave a little to be desired.
  5. Have fun.
  6. I frequently mishpell worms. (As opposed to those who have problems with pismronunciation)
  7. I can't sing.
  8. Tendency to have a Kermodian style rant. (Though it's never going to be as entertaining as the good doctor's).
  9. I know which one's Daphne and which one's Celeste out of the millennial pop duo. And I can make many more dated pop references like that.
  10. My grammar is sometimes all over the place (the product of an eighties / nineties state education).

I have enjoyed having the outlet, sorry some have been crap, lacked a decent argument or no conclusion. Other times I get sidetracked into talking about something else altogether.

Did I mention have fun? Can't be repeated often enough.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

The "Outing" of Banksy.

Supposedly Banksy has been outed. Gasp shock horror he went to a posh school and is from the south-west, run the headlines, that won't help his street image they snicker. I am surprised given the propensity of security cameras in the areas he has been attributed as having painted or vandalised depending on your point of view, nobody has identified him before.

He joins the author of Primary Colours, the Girl With A One Track Mind and more recently Fake Steve Jobs, to name a few in being outed possibly before they wanted to, if at all.

There's a lot to be said for mystery, its more exciting. Perhaps that's one reason why conspiracy theories are so popular rather than the depressing mundane truth.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Avoiding Sellers.

I have several strategies when I don't want a stranger approaching me, wanting me to purchase or sign up for some product or service from them.

  1. Using my mobile. Pretending I'm in the middle of a call or deeply engrossed in texting someone.

  2. Acting like I'm in a rush, so can't stop.

  3. Listening to my mp3 player.

  4. Being deeply engrossed in a book, newspaper or magazine.

I don't wish to shun all forms of human interaction but there are times when I want to be left to my own thoughts or to get on with doing something. Its perhaps that I don't appreciate being approached by a total stranger suddenly acting like they're my best mate and foisting a product or service upon me. I respect the fact that your trying to make a living but please leave me alone.

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Greatest Final Ever.

I am not a big watcher of sport on television, in fact I watch almost none. There are some exceptions. There are some exceptions. Firstly at the risk of ripping off the old Ben Elton stand-up routine, there is something powerful about a mute television, which means you have to watch it no matter what's on. The number of times I have felt my eyes drawn to the television set when I'm in a pub, silently playing an Aussie-Rules Football game not having a clue what's going on other than it features plenty of rough, tough antipodean men in tight shorts kicking a ball about.

Half the readers drift off thinking about rough, tough antipodean men in tight shorts kicking a ball about.

Lucy joins them.

Secondly there's the addictive nature of the world darts, which the BBC shows for a week around the new year. I think it's the showmanship aspects (the over-the-top entrances, the ONE-HUNDRED AND EIGHTY), the bling-tastic Bobby George and the thought that someone not in the top physical condition could be called a sporting world champion, that appeal to me.

The third has to be Wimbledon. The ability to come home and watch tennis for a few minutes each night is fantastic. With the retractable roof being installed over Centre Court watching some live play is guaranteed, however it would prevent fine events like last Sundays men's singles final. I'm not the best qualified to say if its the best ever, but there was some bloody good tennis and the final swung one way, then the other. The crowd from the sound of it, seemed to agree with me. With the possible exception of Gwen Stefani who looked thoroughly bored everytime the camera went to her (which was far too often). The women's final wasn't bad either, hopefully the seedings next year will better reflect who are the best women on grass rather than rigidly following the rankings.

Monday, 7 July 2008

London Transport Bombings Three Years On.

The London transport bombings three years ago today, claimed the lives of 52, disabled, injured and scarred many more in this most global of cities, where racial harmony, while not perfect does work pretty well. Annie Mole's very good London Underground blog has posted some thoughts about the events that day and the subsequent aftermath. I like many not immediately caught up in the unfolding tragedy, felt the full range of emotions course through me as the scale of what happened emerged. Today it's just sadness for lives lost and devastated.

The events were a terrorist outrage there's overwhelming evidence to support the fact though it hasn't deterred many from thinking otherwise. When somebody tries to debunk or rubbish a conspiracy theory, those who "believe" instantly claim your brainwashed or a part of the wider conspiracy. Why do people look for a complicated shadowy answer when the simplest explanation is often the one with the most evidence? It is something me and my giant lizard overlords have long pondered.

Perhaps the more troubling aspects for me are those who take accounts of what happened to them selectively and out context to illustrate a theory, or those use it to make a point about secularism allowing it happen. While you can spend many entertaining hours looking at such pages they should all be taken with massive pinches of salt.

Saturday, 5 July 2008

Happy Birthday NHS.

Sixty years ago today Aneurin Bevan launched the NHS.

It's not perfect. It can't fund everything and sadly some areas like dentistry are withered but its better than what come before it and the alternatives proposed.

Thursday, 3 July 2008

Hard to Describe.

Looking back at the previous post, I'm worried that it makes me sound schizophrenic or that I and bob are two totally different, distinct sides of me and never the twain will mix. The reality is that its complicated and I'm struggling to find the words to describe what all those cells are doing up there. My personality's are all mixed up to create one whole, my nagging doubts, my responsible side, my frivolous side and so on. I would love to pack all the gd away with my wig, without it hitting me at the most inopportune moments but hey, can't have what we want all the time.

I am gradually opening up, picking and choosing the moment carefully. Some girls seem to have the lifespan of an adult mayfly. Arriving, going out and then disappearing in a very short time. (Though admittedly that it is many years in tranny time). I'm taking my time, this is a long haul for me. Some have done it quicker and I congratulate them and try to pick up their lessons while following in their footsteps.

Enough of the personal stuff, here's Kylie off to get her O.B.E. I have mixed feelings about the dress, not sure of the stars. But after considering its Charlene that's wearing it I've decided it's brilliant.

I'm off to play Step Back In Time, followed by Confide In Me, Spinin Around and much more.

Bye for now.

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

Tranny or Work?

Sadly I really have to go off and do some work not spend hours trannying about. The work (and probably the rational) side of my brain won out despite the other side putting up a big fight to keep me.
I would have been great and I would have been happier but I can't let my work suffer again with another gender induced crisis.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Things Will Be Fine If You Don't Drink The Wine.

Humans tend to do very silly things when drunk and often come to regret their actions soon after. That text message or email you shouldn't have sent, the words you uttered and that song you shouldn't have sung.

I'm not a large consumer of alcohol, it tends to be infrequent and as such tend to get tipsy easily.

However I don't know which number glass it will be I can go from feeling fine to a little tiddled in the space of a few short mouthful's. I wish I could pin point that exact moment.

So far the daftest thing I've done is apply for a credit card, not sure how.

I wonder how many tranny's out themselves when diddled.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

I've Nothing Against..

When I hear someone start a sentence with "I'm not homophobic..." or "I've nothing against gays.." I brace myself because I know that a "but" will follow and something offensively homophobic will come out their mouth.

Just see the reaction to the television advert by Heinz (Heinz pulls ad showing men kissing, The Guardian) which brought out the usual crowd of people using religion and those saying "well what do I say to the children" (hint: you don't have to go into any detail about bum love) to justify their bigotry.

Then there were the complaints about the man being referred to as "mum". No they weren't trying to force gender bending or transgenderism down your throats. Don't you get the conceit and the intended "joke" behind it?

Despite the prophesies of doom from a section of religious people about increasing gay rights the world's still turning, sun still shines and we haven't been flooded out. Good grief they're even getting married. I think if someone upstairs was a little peeved they might have said something by now. (Oh, that's right 9 11 was because of the gays, feminists and abortionists ( Falwell and Robertson Blame Liberal America).

I suspect all the controversy (and resultant free publicity) was intended. The press bumf before the campaign were all about new directions and edgy campaigns. Like many old brands who change agencies (see Cadbury last year) they swallow a load of buzzwords about getting modern and creative. Sometimes it works, most of the time it looks tragic or offensive. Like an parent trying to look cool and hip in front of their kids.

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Cement Mixers.

What you really need is to wear a mask,
and book that plastic surgeon fast.
U.G.L.Y by Daphne & Celeste.

For most t-girls going without make-up would be impossible, I'm sure many wouldn't have it any other way.

The same seems to be true for many women who wouldn't dream of leaving the house without their mascara on, thick black eye-liner and other gubbins. Almost as if its some kind of cosmetic safety blanket acquired through routine and the belief that they will resemble a female John Merrick if they don't.

And they refuse to believe you if you say they'll look better (or as good) without it. Leave the cement mixers to us tranny's we often need it.

That's true even if we don't look as good as Myleene Klass. Heat magazine ran a feature on "celebs" being photographed without their make up or being photoshopped, although with a professional photographer and helpful lighting admittedly (The Mail's report). It's a good move from a magazine obsessed with pointing out people's flaws. I hope those who see the before and after photos will agree with the point I'm trying to make.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Nudist Milkman In The West.

There was a time when I tuned in to German television about 5 o'clock instead of viewing the Germanic version of Bodger and Badger or Biker Grove there was a naked man standing in front of a lake, his Mr happy flopping gently in the breeze. I was a little surprised to say the least while a saluting a nations apparent relaxed attitude to nudity.

Well imagine my surprise and times it by at least 10 and you may get close to feeling what the residents of South Cerney felt when a naked man delivers your milk. According to a rather dry report on the Swindon Advertiser website

"He was released without charge on advice from the Crown Prosecution Service but was given some stern advice".
One can only imagine what the stern advice was.

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Maybe Next Month?

Don't all pass out at once, but I was going to be social tonight and go out.

First time.

Nerves and excitement in equal measure.

Something came up.

Drat. All my plans wasted.

Going to watch Doctor Who and get tipsy.

Update. Never got tipsy, but had a glass or few. There will be other times, it was just the initial disappointment.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

An open letter to a manager.

Dear xxx,

There are times when being fair is unfair.

Yes you are obviously having a great laugh with her, but she isn't as hard working and diligent as your other assistant manager and her team. The latter being the reason why the assessment was passed so well.

You also shouldn't check up gossip about your assistant behind her back as it just undermines their position.

OK you are a little green and unused to a position of responsibility, mistakes will be made while you adjust. But you have to realise that what you see as fair demoralises your good staff who see others getting away with murder. It doesn't have to be a screaming bollocking just a little reminder. And praise your good people at he very least.

You have to remember that the pay and incentives isn't the best around and they know that. You can also try replacing them when they go, even in this market it'll be very hard.

Oh, and to be very blunt what you think makes you look cool and Branson like just reminds people of David Brent.


Tuesday, 10 June 2008


You do get the impression that some people care more for animals than they do for children.

Because something isn't 100% perfect otherwise competent potential pet owners are denied the chance to adopt a pet.

While some basic checks are necessary to stop the likes of Tom (above), don't get too pernickety. Most homes are far better than any shelter.

On a related note, PETA are campaigning for potential pet owners to pass a test before they can own a pet. The rationale for this they claim, is that it would reduce the number of pets abandoned.

I don't think this will make no difference, people will just resort to back door routes and won't bother with shelters. Exams can be passed and quickly forgotten. Finally users will probably shoulder the fee, pricing many out of owning a pet.

I do support their campaign against Burberry though.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008


I didn't transcribe the whole conversation, this is just some extracts that stuck in my mind.

"You've got something on her, if she says anything just mention her dad..."

"...he's got a wig and a lady name and everything".

"ha, ha, ha.."

"...that's just sad".

I don't know the persons gossiped about, I do know the gossipers. The woman may be obnoxious or sweet, I just don't know. Regardless I feel sorry for her potentially being abused for things outside her control.

I wonder sometimes what's the bloody point. I do try to dispel ignorance, but I doubt it ever sinks in. No wonder so many tranny's are apathetic.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

It's All About Me.

Hi guys, Its finally stopped raining, its very wet where I am, not so much the river more the drains filling up, with people fearing it'll be last year all over again.

I'm currently snowed under with work and family gubbins, I apologise if I ain't replied to messages or contacted you as fast as I like to. Depressingly it's 50/50 whether I'll make it to Sparkle but its slightly better odds than last week, we'll see.

Oh and my birthday passed off uneventfully, but bless some of my family they got me a Doctor Who cake. I don't know whether to eat or frame it.

Avoiding the shadows, for now, Lucy.

Monday, 2 June 2008

Yves Saint Laurent, 1936 - 2008

With his many creations he helped revolutionise what women wear and his influence lingers on, from the boutique to the bargain shop.

(BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Obituary: Yves Saint Laurent)

Friday, 30 May 2008

A lot can happen in ten years.

Continuing the final thought of the last post regarding where did the time go? While the time feels like it has passed quickly, a lot of stuff has happened. Consider the last ten years for example.

1998 B*Witched and Steps were storming the chats (sings C'est la Vie), Britney Spears was getting ready to do the same somewhere out west and Bill Clinton gets impeached, essentially for having oral sex from someone not his wife.

Ten years on America seems to have given up impeaching despite the incompetence (Iraq), neglect (Katrina) and spite (Valerie Plame affair) of the current administration. While Britain has taken to selecting number two's clearly not up to the top job (Steve McClaren, Gordon Brown) and developed and lost a collective obsession with Big Brother.

In pop, new boy bands have disappeared having fallen out of favour with the public,. Britney's known more for being declared an unfit mother. The Backstreet Boys have had two comebacks while muttering things like "I wish I saved my money better" presumably. Finally Claire (pictured) formally from Steps has put her feet up, had a kid, put on a bit of weight and looks healthier and more attractive to my eye.

Me and my friends of that time have also changed and drifted apart, the ones I've met are still nice people (which isn't always the case) but we're different now as a result of time and our individual experiences.

Who knows for sure where we'll be in the next decade, that's scary but more interesting and fun. There are tales about politicians who when they enter parliament have plans to join the cabinet by xxxx and be prime minister by xxxx. I have no such targets mapped out in my mind, not that I intend to let my life drift by as I probably have done at times, its just that my wanderlust, gender issues, health and other things that I can't yet imagine may take me somewhere else.

It's going to be a fun ride.

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Lucy's Run.

My life clock is flashing red and soon the Carousel awaits.

"I wish I could be 30 again" said a woman I know, when informed of my impending birthday. She certainly did mean it but sadly we can't turn back time (despite what the ad's for cosmetics and surgery in women's magazines say). It was also her attempt to be nice and make me feel better correctly senceing that I am feeling a good deal older all of a suddern. Where did all my life so far go?

Monday, 26 May 2008

"Are you realated to the director general of Swedish television?"

It's another year where I've failed to pick out the eventual winner. My three picks were Iceland (probably a bit too modern?), Sweden and Ukraine while I thought the French entry interesting.

The Bizarreness from the "brides of Frankenstein" of Bosnia, was oddly popular and showed the fact that it is more a performance than a song contest

I spent most of the evening agreeing with Sir Terry and sharing his frustration but whatever you do please don't quit. Here's why.

Friday, 23 May 2008

Dull Meetings and the Veggie Option.

Having attended a very dull meeting about something or other, to be honest my brain was humming the theme to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and thinking things like "ooh I like her her top and hair style" about the woman near me (the big tranny that I am).

So in short what I remember about it "blah investment yada consumer zzzzzzzzzz in west Philidelphia born and raised on a playground....".

After helping myself to the vegitarian option on the buffet afterwards, a cheese and pickle sandwhich and being buttonhold into making small talk without moveing on to something substantial.

I made my way to the tube staion considering the time I could have spent on something fun or productive.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

"Welcome to a Womens World"

Ouch that hurt.

I have a low pain threshold, practically feinting when I get a paper cut. I had my hair styled recently which involved the hair dresser inflicting a blade pulling through my hair as it was being styled.

It's not long in a women's sense (it never will be) but a lot longer than the average male.

Relating this back to my mother she replied, "welcome to a women's world" she is, of course right (You wouldn't expect me to say anything else).

Perhaps this relates back to my previous post considering whether men have it so much easier (thanks for the thought provokeing replies by the way).

It may be hard for many to understand or empathise with the following statement which is that I feel better with longer hair (mentally not financially that is). Its something I wish I had the bravery to do years ago. Despite what I warn myself are the corrosive effects of regret I can't help thinking of those years as somehow wasted.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Summer In The City..

A warm spell arrived and appears to have departed, a good time to jot some observations on summertime fashions.
  1. Male shorts. It has been observed before and still holds true that the closer you are to pensionable age the more likely you are to wear shorts worn by footballers from the 1980's. As a general rule unless your Chris Waddle in his pomp you are going to look awful.
  2. Few skirts. Mostly replaced by shorts.
  3. Leggings with denim shorts. In my opinion, the temperatures in the mid 20's so its warm enough, to proudly show those legs (or just go and get some longer shorts).
  4. 3/4 length trousers. One of the more popular choices.
  5. Ruffled tops. A little ruffle is fine, but it doesn't necessarily work the larger it gets. At times it looks like a strange creature trying to strangle you.
But hey, what do I know.

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Single, On A Bank Holiday Weekend.

It's late and It's raining men by the Weather Girls has come on, with the classic line "God bless mother nature, she's a single woman too". It's not a easy song to perform on Singstar (my version though, is far better the Geri Halliwell's abomination). Co-writtern by Paul Shaffer, incedently. (Video via You Tube).

Still single, it has some good points and many bad. At the moment I'm focusing on the good.

Considering following Cheryl's lead (The Royle Family Xmas: Lonely Hearts Ad).

Saturday, 3 May 2008

Easy for Boys.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. - Elayne Boosler
I have been thinking about whether things are easier for men for a few weeks then I see this on the Postsecret blog.

----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, April 20, 2008 10:10 PM
Subject: Life is easier

I am a medical student who recently heard a doctor who works with people who are going through gender reassignments. The (male) doctor said that as part of the pre-surgery counseling, he always asks the male-to-female patients if they are ready to give up their privileged-male status in society. He said the patients often come back to him after they have completed their transition into a female. They tell him that they didn’t realize how significant the privileged-male status is.

It does seem odd when you put it like that. I don't dispute what is being claimed, and yet many born males feel better becoming female and feel perfectly natural (admittedly the language is a bit simplistic but I hope you get the point).

Friday, 2 May 2008

A Little Bit of Politics.

People are leaving the sinking ship, prior to the election headhunters were being tipped off that Labour's comms specialists were looking for new posts, after the election's there may be a few M.P.'s brushing up their c.v.'s as well.

Mutterings about renewal will not mean anything unless it is finally accompanied by action. Those on the left will claim that means abandoning the new Labour project, I wouldn't go that far but it will mean serious attempts to build bridges with the party's core support mightily peeved off with them.
One of my hobby horses is social housing (I'll leave income tax rates for another time). It is a fact that not everyone will own a property and will remain in rented accommodation for their whole lives, this current stock is getting run down and desperately short in many areas. This shortage breads resentment and partly contributes to the success of the BNP in certain areas.
(Jenny Harvey has added her thoughts and personal experience of hatred)

The highlight of the election coverage was watching Jeremy Vine effecting a western style accent to show the Lib Dems past performance.

Saturday, 26 April 2008

Friday, 25 April 2008

Back To The Dark Ages.

Spent a few days with my broadband connection down. Slowly catching up with my messages. All sorted out, it makes a tremendous relief not to have to rely on my mobile and dial-up connection to access and send my messages. I wonder how on earth I survived with a dial up connection back in the day.

Along with how much unnecessary bells and whistles are attached to sites. A lot of flash animation added not because it enhances the site but because they can and have been convinced by a web developer to pay for it. Its not all bad, much of it is great. But there's too much of a desire to be web 2.0 when you don't need to be.

Found my old floppy disc recently, I no longer have a floppy drive therefore I've no way of reading what's on it I suspect its my old collage essays.

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Desperate PR 101.

Yawn yet another sex tape.

From the Sun (Link)

"BIG Brother D-lister Chanelle Hayes' 'sex tape' has been exposed as a bizarre publicity stunt.

Last week a saucy 40-second clip was leaked on the internet, which showed the attention-hungry beauty cavorting in lacy lingerie.

But now the full version of the video has been released, revealing the Posh lookalike was really in bed with a, er, puppet."

Some Pr thought well it worked for Abi Titmuss so why not try it again.

All these sex tapes are starting to get a little tiresome in my opinion.

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Swearing at Children.

What does raise my hackles is swearing at infants.

Firstly I hope this doesn't come across as lecturing, as someone who is not a parent I can't speak from experience. I respect the fact that it can be stressful at times and tempers can be lost.

Now that I've added that caveat can I now say that it is wrong.

What prompted this was when I was at the Post Office, being Monday morning there was a long queue of people withdrawing their various benefits (there is a cash point nearby but it charges £1.50, and many like my nan prefer to withdraw their pension at the counter like they always have done).

As I left this mother came steaming out pushing her pram with speed and purpose, behind her was a young boy who if he'd ran as a fast as he could there still would have been no way his little legs could keep up with her. He wasn't misbehaving just dawdling along, lost in his own world. "COME ON!" she shouted, turning round "FUCKING MOVE".

I don't know why I was the one who felt embarrassed.

More recently there have been reports of junior football matches being abandoned because of violent and abusive parents and coaches aimed not just at some unfortunate match official but also the players includeing their own child.

Football at a young age should be about fun and with expanding waists keeping fit. Its not great when someone old enough to know better heaps abuse at you and you may not bother again. While some of the parents are probably also bemoaning the lack of quality and depth in the senior England team.

Monday, 14 April 2008

The Tranny Apprentice.

I shouldn't rise to the bait while reading the Daily Meldrew (Style disasters of the Apprentices ... the Daily Mail).

The last thing people should be is lectured by Liz Jones on style and Jenny doesn't remotely look like a tranny. If that's the worst insult she can come up with.

Also how many people have over £300 to spend on a jacket? Not everyone is paid too much to spout crap.

Thursday, 27 March 2008

It Was A Year Ago Today...

...I registered on the Angels forum.

I'm not sure I know why but I feel I have to mark the date.

Never made a copy of my introductory post, which is probably a good thing. For you especially.

I'll write about my year as a fairly newbie tranny later except to say its had its ups, its downs, the highs, the lows and a long struggle to apply eyeliner correctly.

Someday I'll succeed.


Monday, 24 March 2008

White Easter.

Easter's very early this year with a biting cold wind and a late night dusting of snow round my part of the world, which is probably a disappointment to many who hoped to use the time off to do a little gardening or other chores.
For myself its hardly edifying. I spent it curled up watching television or tucked up in my warm welcoming duvet sneezing every so often and blowing my runny nose. It's not that I had any social life to begin with even if I felt well enough.
Anyway, hope you had a fabulous Easter whatever system of belief you have.

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

I See You Looking At Me. Like I'm Some Kind Of Freak.

Get up out of your seat. Why don't ya do somethin..."

So goes one of Britney's lesser hits Do Something'. There are many recommended ways of dealing and coping with being stared at (it was a stare not a look but I ignored that for sake of working in the song reference). What I did won't appear in any advice column. (The fact that my shoes were playing up didn't help). His stare as I was read stays in my mind.

Oh well, gave him something to talk about.

Thursday, 13 March 2008


A lot of rubbish has been said recently I have kept out of the arguments having resolved to stay out of the dreaded label (zzzzzz) discussion long ago.

Its easy to compartmentalise and doesn’t require a lot of thought, once ingrained this instant judgement is hard to overturn. There's only black and white (like transform or die), instead of the many shades of grey which we all inhabit. An assumption of someone's life and their case history follows.

The differences are very much exaggerated other than their condition, for example the young ts may find more commonality (like a love of country music or graphic novels) with a cd of the same age. The problem may be that being "..." (insert tg label) is the only thing they see as giving them their only sense of identity. In essence who they are. (I don't wish to be holier than thou about this early on after my initial bout of tranny euphoria it became too consuming for me).

Just a thought, hows about looking at what unites us instead of constantly trying to drive a wedge between everyone. Accept different points of view while being free to disagree. Support and encourage whether its someone's first step outside, their first visit chx and the many steps along someone's often difficult and sometimes painful journey.

Mistakes can be made. Sometimes things can get out of hand. Don't wade in too forcefully, don't be hyper sensitive and always read what has actually been written properly.

One should always be thoughtful of others and how they may respond.

sounds bloody obvious doesn't it, but many don't follow it especially online.

The suicide of Paul Tilley, the creative director of DDB Chicago. (After Suicide, Blog Insults Are Debated - New York Times) which has been blamed on critical comments posted. That's not to say boards should be made bland with all critical and disagreements removed. Attitudes and opinions should be challenged but it should not become an excuse to bully or impose their beliefs. They definitely should not be personal especially those aimed at his or her vulnerabilities. There is the exception where the two sides explicitly understand that its all for fun and know what's off limits.

In short the mantra for online discourse should be: DON'T BE A TWAT

If anything such disagreements do not help the transgender community present our cause and help fight bigotry and ignorance.

Saturday, 8 March 2008

International Women's Day.

Today is International Women's Day, and the rather depressing fact is that 1 in 4 women in the UK will at some point suffer from domestic violence in their lifetime, claiming many lives along the way. Whatever the excuse offered, alcohol related, religious, cultural or because they were abused themselves it is unacceptable. I feel that while great strides have been made more can be done to encourage victims to speak out (male and female). For information and support visit here.

All Men are Bastards.

...Not true, but such sweeping generalisations are made all the time (including tranny's about other tranny's). Some men are bastards, your partner may be a bastard but don't slag off nearly half the population.

I don't want to condemn those who say it, often it is said in the heat of the moment or as the result of terrible experiences. It's often said that women tend to go for bastards, I tend to think the opposite is true often they will go with a women with low self esteem who thinks she can't do better.

Friday, 7 March 2008

Over The Rainbow?

The Rainbow, originally uploaded by Lucy's pictures'.

Over in Lucy towers, I thought I'd get dressed and go out, nowhere special, just see where my mood (and bravery) took me.

Completely forgot that I had two electricians about to update our dodgy old wiring, and being a tidy girl there was the sweeping up and hoovering up afterwards (if you saw the moment with most of the wardrobe and assorted items spread out over my bed room while choosing what to wear you might disagree with the tidy label).

Saw a rainbow on the way home and I don't know why but the sight cheers me up.

Taken with my mobile so not great quality, Why do I never have my digital camera on me?

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Helping links

So did the earth move for you? (BBC NEWS | England | Earth tremor felt across England) A momentary scare wondering what the hell was going on. I was thinking a big lorry? A possible explosion? Just realised I would be useless during a big earthquake.

Some links you might have missed.

From the Tyra Banks Show (via YouTube) in the US, a short clip from a longer special, featuring Alaina and her mum (suppose that should be mom) talking about advice for transgender children (Link; YouTube - How To Help A Transgender Child.)

Also the excellent Transsexuals in Iran documentary, well worth catching if you haven't already. (BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Iran's 'diagnosed transsexuals') and a great discussion (via the Angels).

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

The Old Curiosity Shop

Was in boy clothes yesterday, got described as looking like a "curiosity shop owner". Is that a good thing?

Monday, 25 February 2008

Drag Acts and Bad Acts...

Dustin the Turkey... what the..?!!!

lol but not a Eurovision song. Ireland choosing a novelty act a strategy which has worked really well for the UK these past few years.

Thursday, 21 February 2008

Little Earthquakes.

As I've had periods of hiatus recently everything has gone a little slow for me. I'm impatient to move on and try new things. But if you told me the small things I've already done this time last year I would have been delighted. The little earthquakes I've made are nothing to what others have done but this girl would have thought even that was impossible. And that's the point I need to keep focusing on.

I wrote on a thread about role models that I thought some people on that forum were role models beside some 'witty' aside about bringing out the sick bags. In all seriousness they are.

Wednesday, 20 February 2008


Decided to take a long cold walk where I ended up at ALDI and left with some shopping, alongside some cheap shades of eye shadow to experiment with and some anti-wrinkle night cream to join the large collection of beauty products I've already got. Thanks to that little bit of retail and cold air I felt better.
This has been linked to on Boing,Boing but I thought worth re-linking (How To Behave On An Internet Forum).

Reading a thread on the Angels about how the membership of forums changes people posting less for various reasons (their life has moved on, or the forum has) and new ones join.

Thinking of all the forums I belong to there are some I hardly ever go to. Some have small memberships and are quite slow, others are not my kinda place for various reasons.

Also my love and wishes to Chrissy Rogers, along with her family and close friends.

Friday, 15 February 2008


Last month I put being a better friend and making new ones as two of my ambitions for 2008, without going into detail. That's because I didn't have a detailed idea of how to go about it. Is it better to be totally honest or hold something back and never hurt their feelings, for example. To me it means there has to be a spark, an enjoyment of each others company.

According to a study reported in the Telegraph (Women better at friendships, says survey) there are some differences in how friendships are conducted by either sex, although these differences should not be exaggerated and other factors contribute. Nasty manipulative friendships exist in either sex as do deep long lasting friendships. However more likely than not they are likely to be from the same sex and be "deeper and more moral" if your a woman.

A good guide on eight ways to be a better friend has been written by Susie Michelle Cortright (Eight ways to be a better friend). They are expanded upon in the link but they are essentially.

  1. Like yourself.
  2. Choose wisely.
  3. Make the time.
  4. Make the first move.
  5. The Golden Rule. (Treat your friends as you wish to be treated).
  6. Sweat the Small Stuff.
  7. Listen.
  8. Be loyal.