Monday, 28 July 2008

The Big Song And Dance Number.

I am currently disappointed that life doesn't just turn into one big musical dance number at the drop of a hat.

Would life be better? I'm sorry drifting off into fantasy land, its sometimes better than facing real life at the moment.

Oh god it's drifting into another woe is me post, the truth is I've been feeling fine recently and I'd hate to leave the impression that I'm permanently down. I have seen what I can do if I don't panic.

I also nearly outed myself to the neighbour. It was a nice bright sunny morning and I unthinkingly set out to retrieve the recycling bins which were set down in the middle of the pavement obstructing everyone. Looking up the road I noticed the whole road had their bins left in a similar fashion posing a tough obstacle course for anyone wheeling a pushchair.

At the risk of losing tranny credibility I don't put make-up on any more if I'm just staying in, so out I step wearing a black dress and jacket when I notice my neighbour with his back to me fiddling with the keys to lock the door. After very quickly backtracking though the door I realised that a few seconds either way could have been very interesting.

I'm sure there's a parallel scenario playing out where that happens. Perhaps there are many parallel versions of me playing out, yes I think I've read and watched too much sci-fi as well. The Lucy that transitioned, the bob that purged, the one where my mother gave birth to a female and called her Lucy and I simply never was there.

Overall I'm beginning to realise that it's a question of when not if I tell my close family. Yep I'm just another tranny who feels the guilt of not opening up to their family, perhaps I'm not as atypical as I think.

I spent the weekend in a retail mood but saw nothing in the clothes shops. I went into eventually settled on a black cardigan I thought might go well with a few things, although it may be a sign and that soon I'd be shopping in Bonmarché and M&S.

Blimey I do go on.

3 comments:

alan said...

Though I was never blessed with the ability to dance, I seem to usually know a song that applies to most situations. Though public hanging isn't done here anymore, I fear it might be brought back were to not to keep them to myself...

So the musical goes on in my head for the most part; don't feel alone on that one!

Perhaps it's because I know you as Lucy, I know Liz as Liz, and Nicky as Nicky, etc., I just don't ever think of these other issues. I wish they weren't so problematic for anyone!

I've never been a great one for keeping secrets, though my blog is because my wife doesn't approve of them. It's funny, because my boys and their families and my sister all know about it...

alan

Jessica Hart said...

I symapthise on the family issue - I said I would do it this year, but whats the betting on 31 December...

Shinigami Liz said...

Here's a good one for ya. I told my family when I was 21, and due to a number of inconvient circumstances I'm still just barely beyond the grasp of starting hormones at 34 (damn liver lol), but I'm the closest I've made it so far and there is no stopping this time. And I still had to tell the family yet again since I was actually making progress this time. So be glad you haven't had to do that over and over again with the same people for 13 freaking years. Damn that sucks. And has not been easy on any of us (not that I've been bitter or grouchy thru the years 'cough, cough', um, well maybe just a tiny bit hee hee.)