Friday, 28 August 2009

The Pro-Transition Bias

I am concerned about what I see as the pro-transition bias apparent with some transsexuals pushing some who need good advice (especially when professional councillors may not be available) toward something which may be inappropriate for whatever reason.

Now I do not wish to convey a holier than thou stance. Like a corporate email I feel I should perhaps put a disclaimer on all comments made, something like; "I am not a qualified doctor or councillor. Please take suitable qualified advice. Please be aware the author may be talking utter pants with a bra side dish". Maybe it should apply to everyone and repeated regularly spoken really fast like the regulatory mandated disclaimers at the end of radio adverts.

This is not everyone, some are just wonderful which is why I emphasised the word some. It could be down to a collective groupthink descending on the meeting. I would hate think there were more selfish motivations at work.

Sections within some of the trans communities do not need to act as pullers it can be bad enough for some having to deal with those attempting to push the person away from transitioning. All of which leads me to conclude that if you are not sure the last thing you should do is ask a bunch of trannies. As I said before this is big stuff.

I may be reading too much into it or seeing things not there.

Friday, 21 August 2009

Sliding Door

It has been a while since I wore my heals for various reasons either because of blisters or I thought flats looked better, ironically my boi shoes have had a greater heal then anything I've worn the rest of the time. So being away from them is like being off a bike for a long period; you know how to do it, just that you are a bit wobbly and uncertain the first few yards.

Being a bit wobbly and uncertain about transition is something that will sometimes last longer than a few yards. I think often the difference between so called first and second wave transitioners is just time often there is a Sliding Doors moment where your life could splinter off in two directions as we know the one where we think she dies while the other one finally realises he's a creep and meets the dishy John Hannah hinting at a happy end.

Many could have taken the route earlier yet something stopped it happening then but you'll get there in the end.

One thing that hits me was a deep sense of regret over the path not taken earlier. Kinda like a clenching of the stomach reaching up to the heart. I should have some smart words here but I don't, I can't change what I didn't do so and I have so much future ahead even if so much has passed.

I believe there are no (to use that horrible phrase) win/win situations. There are always downsides as well as up, the scales may tip heavily in one direction but if you can think of no downsides then I suggest you haven't thought it through enough. Perhaps there are exceptions but it probably applies to the stages up-to, including and after transition.

This is big stuff and not to be considered lightly whether going forward, stopping or going back and a whoa! moment will show that you're human. If you start screaming and running as fast as possible away from the surgery then it's probably safe to say it's not for you. However if you are describing the procedure in extreme detail with relish...

When it comes down to it, I am not brave. I just am who I should. It's hard to describe the feeling of inner peace where mind and body are contented. The problem is that your human ecosystem changes like the way you are treated by other elements and how certain elements affect you both environmental and with humans.

I do wonder what kind of role model I make, have they met one before? If not are they going to transpose (if you pardon the pun) all tg's (and I do mean the whole spectrum) based on me.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Awkward Stances

Sometimes a holiday can come up at exactly the right time. A combination of work, family and internal factors combined to make me really low.

I really had to get away.

So I did.

So raiding my red shoe fund and packing a ridiculously large amount off I went. If I had the slightest modicum of planning I would have organised my route to coincide with some exciting event but in my manner, that never happened.

In the preceding weeks I went through my clothes and about a fortnight before that I awkwardly hung about a park with several other trannies in London.

Looking at my clothes I realised I still had a lot of stuff from my early splurges which I bought with no eye for how they looked outside. It's hard for me to remember why I bought what I did I guess I was buying anything fem and never expected to go out in them. I also had no idea of what worked, though I wouldn't profess a totally 100% clear idea of what works now just what really doesn't. In the end a surprising amount was discarded to the charity bin and the odd bit retained for lounging about indoors. My clothes rails still look full despite this necessary prune. If I ever do write a book on how to be a tranny the advice for newbies would be to buy from charity and discount shops until you find your style because you will make mistakes and waste money.

But then what do I know? I never knew just how much of a radical difference hair style can make to my appearance until I wore a new style when I went out.

There are photo's of me floating about with wind swept hair (shoulda worn a hat in retrospect) and the look of a very early stage transsexual who had taken another leap out her zone and lived to make more awkward steps another day.