Friday, 27 February 2009

Come a Long Way Since

Welcome to Master-Tranny, transiting doesn't get any tougher than this. A new spin off from the popular cookery show, where contestants face a series of "tests" (the supermarket test, the teenage girl test, any more ideas?) And a lot of talk about a "journey" all played over a soaring indie rock soundtrack.

Guess whose mind was wandering while watching rubbish on the television. This is supposed to be about my development and the missteps and trips along the way.

My voice is not perfect (by a long way the biggest understatement I have ever made), the initial practice sounded a bit too "I'm a laydeeee". I've reigned it in since following the typical route of softening the voice, talking once I felt it starting to click and I sounded great sadly the next utterance would be suited to performing Ol' Man River, Paul Robeson's signature song (a man who did lead a great interesting life which I could end up going on about but will move on to my outfits instead).

I am not one of those who believes that to be a ''serious'' tranny, the party dresses have to be ditched. (It would be dull if we all dressed the same). I can and do feel female in jeans but I will always wear a dress if the mood takes me and the times right I will choose to dress-up. The point missed or forgotten by some. is that a number,  need to so they can be kept sane. From time to time I come across some women who express the same point. The fact is that there are few places (you would be considered slightly eccentric or strange for a start, 'hang on I'll just get my cocktail dress on then we'll go to the pub') and it takes too long to get ready for it to be a daily thing. 

Yes there are also those women who will always opt for jeans but its not all and it would be wrong to insinuate it is or that not they are not proper females or even not feminist.

As I make the baby steps toward that eventual moment of truth (another cliché) , testing my ability to cope with all aspects of trans life, detailed so richly elsewhere.

Everything is still so relatively new and there is a new test every time I go out. For instance, what do you do when you know you're being stared at? How I stop myself lapsing my stance? All this and so much more before I can call myself a wise old tranny, settle back in my rocking chair and be insanely jealous of younger, better looking girls. :) Or even contemplate a successful transition.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

Got Something To Say

..but nothing comes...

Hello my post rate has slowed down, over the past month, a combination of busyness and being blah (no ups being UP and the lows being haven't been really low) so its fair to assume no news means my final missive hasn't been revisited and I'm ok.

There also seems a big push in the style media that its now the 80's revival, a lot of it seems a bit over stylised and too try hard. The worrying thing is that its probably the first time for a "revival" that I can dimly remember the original and my, what a ghastly decade it was on the whole.

Back to bed, back to reality. 

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Send Us Your Pictures

I did intend to create a snow-woman but after a brief rummage I decided I could not spare any, so it got adorned with some boy tat instead.

It did seem that building a snowman was something the adults did while the children rolled big snowballs, sent the sales of any kind of tray soaring or sat inside watching Ben 10.

Now back to work.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

99

I wouldn't normally do a meme type thing but it looks like a fun thing to do and following on from the presumably several already done (includeing here, here and here. I've seen so far) this is mine with comments in brackets.

The rules are..

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. (not strictly speaking)
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. (possible stretching the meaning of a shower in this case).
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain. (Some big hills but not a mountain)
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. (very badly).
11. Bungee jumped. (no way would I ever do this).
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own Vegetables (yes, they were weedy little things).
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. (slept on a daytime train though)
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (Honestly).
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon. (see bungee jumping)
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. (Ok not strictly but I did do the equivalent in rounders).
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. (depends on the meaning of ancestor)
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language. (not self taught, fancy learning Japanese someday)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt..
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. (well, a quick drawing).
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (have no head for heights)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business. (self employed)
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Been given flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood. (that's bad, I know).
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a cheque. (no idea how I have managed to avoid doing it so far).
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

And that's it. A little US centric so it probably upped the haven't done and don't want to do count.

Saturday, 24 January 2009

Caps Lock Madness

I have previously refered to the world of the conspiracy thoerist and espoused my belief that most thoeries are lacking any evidence that would survive any credible examination. Since then economies and financial institutions have gone belly up leading to the reserection of one of the oldest conspiracies, namely the accusation that there is a jewish banking cartel, by the usual bunch of anto-semites and neo-nazi's spouting the usual crap AND THEY ALL TYPE LARGE CHUNKS OF THEIR RANTS WITH CAPS LOCK ON as if that lends credibility while in no way making them seem even more insaine.

Here's another exhibit on a different topic from the entertaining spEak You’re bRanes site.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Januaryland

There's a great mock-ad in this months Viz.

"Come visit Januaryland, the most depressing month of the year, all year round!... See it get dark at half past three... our computerised climate control has it dull, overcast and a bit cold all day long... (Closed Dec 31 to Feb 1)". 

The warning signs that things were about to be a bit bobbins when I watched a disappointing episode of Jonathan Creek on New Years Day. Later on there's the colds, coughs and chills to contend with. The prospect of mass unemployment and payments to HM Revenue and Customs coming up.

Perhaps I have a serious case of the winter blues, I have slept an enormous amount and if I could the rest of the month would be spent in bed. One night, though, I did feel better walking home with the thought that I like myself more when I'm this and not being a boy, which is a sad, almost pathetically small pleasure which encourages me to keep on going.

A year ago around this time a wonderful but sadly tormented woman who took her own life . I still wonder if there was something I could have done even if rationally the odds of being successful were long. I feel so sorry for her family at this time their sense of loss being far greater than mine especially at this time. My thoughts are with them. May she continue to rest in piece.

Postscript. I am so sorry for being compleatly and utterly downbeat.

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Battle Of Who Could Care Less

You join me here as the war between factions continues, inflicting numerous casualties along the way while the rest of the world looks on at the sheer pointlessness of it all.

Yes I am talking about the transgender wars. Now into another year of who knows how many years of upset, hurt feelings and loudly flouncing out of chartrooms, the battle continues as it has done every day except for one Christmas day where the sides met in no gender specific land and played slightly pointless games like word association before resuming the next day.

Currently a group of transvestites are employing their shock troops with their visible stocking tops to go over the top (for which they need no encouragement) unfortunately their 5 inch heals are stuck in the mud and are soon beaten by a set of transexuals in jeans, t-shirts and sensible shoes using their overwhelming sence of superiority. All seems lost until the tv's special agent behind enemy lines a Tracey Roll, starts a debate about stealth and all hell breaks loose.

Can the transvestites advance and claim victory? Or will they have to return to bob mode before then? Stay tuned.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

Don't Call It A Comeback

For those new or relatively recent to the blog, hello I'm Lucy. This blog will probably continue to follow the formula I have used previously, a journal of my life along with witterings on subjects that take my interest. I could separate the two but I'd have difficulty running two blogs.

So this is my first post of the year, (151st overall) a chance for a new start. My writeing performance flagged a bit towards the end of the year and a few threads have been left hanging and not followed up. Thank you for your comments though, they have all been read with interest and I will get round to writeing little notes eventually.

My depression comes and goes along with my gd like many others, thankfully it has not been too disableing recently and the dark thoughts have stayed away. If there is one thing I really should have learnt from last year it is that depression needs to be addressed. I am at the begining of a long path (I've stopped useing the word 'jouney' because of its overuse in programes like Strictly Come Factor, X Danceing, Masterchef and other reality shows) its not a straight A to B and will probably have many up's and down's before the final chapter. Thankfully I am blessed to have people prepared to take time from their own lives who have helped me.

I did say I would write a second part on the law of privacy, again I will scribble it down but with a potentually important case being brought by everyone's favourite footballer Ashley Cole regarding embarrissing revelations about his night with a hairdresser. I probably delay comment until the court has had its say and adjust my comments in light of.

One post from the end of October about my wardrobe mistakes deserves a little update. I did eventually delve through my clothes organiseing and removing some horrors. The space created has been filled by my purchaces over christmas. I think its time to create some more space. Hopefully I am more selective without having to rely on mere luck.

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

So That's A Whole Year Ended

My invite to Kerry Katona's glamorous party with all her fantastic frozen nibbles including the intriguing King Prawn Spoons and great guests like Jason Donovan, has obviously been lost in the post. So I will probably do what I did last year,  sit at home listening to Big Ben ring in the new year and watch the fireworks. Not that I would have it any other way, its the one time where you need a ticket to go down the pub and I'm never that organised.

The beauty of life is that its often uncertain and throw good and bad things your way unexpectedly I hope you can navigate your path next year with ease.

The Girl Who... would like to thank you for reading thus far. Some blogs are either or all of the following witty, informative, moving, intelligent or inspiring. Mine is ... er, ...

..anyway, happy new year!

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Have A Cracking Christmas

I give you a cheesy but topical advert from the 1980's. No wonder they went bust in the end, the amount they must have paid the Goodies during this extravaganza.

I'll be back after I've bought some C90 cassettes for only £2.99.

Woolworths "Have a Cracking Christmas" UK TV Advert (1981)


A very merry Christmas to you all, 
Lucy Haylie Tolliday. 

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Balancing



Even a few months ago I probably would have hid somewhere or ran away.

It was drizzly evening and I was late. As seems to be the case whenever I attempt to get ready recently other people unwittingly hinder and delay me, that day was no different. I get ready eventually, makeup's a bit rushed and my sister turns up. Outside people were out and about, one double take but alright. Until...

The man in the fake Burberry cap turns up. It wasn’t until we passed each other that I heard him shout a string of expletives aggressively.

Uh oh.

I continued to walk away, picking up a little, not turning back, listening for the sound of footsteps just in case. QUEER, GAY, QUEER was his passing shot as I disappeared off to pass others who indifferent or more tolerating of this tranny in their midst.

I had a comeback ready but decided to take what I decided was the safest course of action. I have had homophobic and a instance of transphobic abuse before, depressing though that statement is. There will always be bigots about but they can’t be allowed to stop me or turn me into a permanent victim.

Writing about this I am aware that I may be dissuading some thinking of coming out but I can’t paint a rosy picture all the time, just be sensible and for me the joys outweigh the pains and knob heads encountered. I am not brave nor do I have high self esteem.

The rest of the night was pleasant enough, it was nice to have an excuse to get out even if my application of blusher wasn’t the best. I can be the quiet on and I apologise to anyone who met a slightly monosyllabic tranny, that was probably me being awkward at social gatherings again. My posture failed me at times and needs more work. The photo was taken on the way home, I forgot to activate the control for dim conditions so I’m a little in the shadows and my photography skills need a little work.

I did take a mirror this time, next time remember some flip-flops to put on if walking home.

Saturday, 20 December 2008

No Longer Quiescent

My post frequency has dipped giving anyone who read's this a break from reading about my gender gubbins. Actually I haven't had the time to develop ideas, some of my thoughts have though, run their way to twitter.

A few may have noticed they are a "friend" lighter on Facebook, its because it was increasingly becomeing a ghost profile and if you are member on social sites you probably should be active. I also think it brought out the worst in me as I seriously considered accepting a total stranger I knew nothing about just to add a friend to my tally. Life should not be a popularity contest, though many acted as if it was. Perhaps I'm being too uptight as to the definition of a friend that it has been devalued in the modern world. And what about a delete profile button as well instead of having to fire off emails.

I am planing for next year, some of the things are that I feel my mind is going to mush at the moment need a challenge and mental stimulation above the occaisional sudoku puzzle. Need to push my development to being a female on top of that, grow my esteem and fight my deamon's and dark thoughts.

And above all DON'T EVEN TOUCH A LABEL DEBATE, however well meaning I am.

Currently trying out Pidgin as an alternative to running seperate IM clients, seems to be running fine my messenger login is lucytolliday AT live.co.uk provided you're not a spammer or troll feel free to add.

Sunday, 7 December 2008

The Cure

Like economists if you ask 10 transgendered people their opinion of something you will often end up with 11 different views*. All honed independently and often developed by looking at the same source material yet coming up with a different conclusion.

Some are flexible in their ideologies than others like the great John Maynard Keynes said "If the facts change, I change my mind...", others are ridged zealously defending their view.I would like to think I'm the former rather than the latter. Always open to new ideas and adjusting accordingly.

You may be wondering where am I going with this? Personally I have no idea.

However there are issues which everyone seems to agree on. With economists it doesn't matter if you adhere to the Chicago school or are a neo-Keynesian, you agree that free trade is good thing. The extent and implementation is debatable but on the principle it gets your seal of approval.

In the trans grouping the thing which gets similar agreement is that there is no cure. A brief search will turn up lines like, "there is no cure" numerous times. Allowing for the fact that if anyone has been cured then they are no longer in the community, there is the belief that the statement is true. But if true why are there individuals offering hope to vulnerable people like myself. At times I want to believe them.



* I haven't asked any transgendered economists, there must be one as I'm sure not every tranny works in IT (though sometimes it seems so).

Did I disappoint anyone who saw the title and were expecting to read some words on Robert Smith et al?

Monday, 1 December 2008

Woolies

Think I found a collectors item. Sadly a company can't survive on warm fuzzy feelings from the public alone or as it turns out being lumped with a lot of your parent companies debt when demerged.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Catch Up

I finally have an internet connection, even if it is of poor quality, but enough about that. Try to catch up over the next few days sorry if it takes a while got a bit of work related gubbins to clear first as I took a few days off for reasons some may guess at.

L