Wednesday, 21 January 2009


There's a great mock-ad in this months Viz.

"Come visit Januaryland, the most depressing month of the year, all year round!... See it get dark at half past three... our computerised climate control has it dull, overcast and a bit cold all day long... (Closed Dec 31 to Feb 1)". 

The warning signs that things were about to be a bit bobbins when I watched a disappointing episode of Jonathan Creek on New Years Day. Later on there's the colds, coughs and chills to contend with. The prospect of mass unemployment and payments to HM Revenue and Customs coming up.

Perhaps I have a serious case of the winter blues, I have slept an enormous amount and if I could the rest of the month would be spent in bed. One night, though, I did feel better walking home with the thought that I like myself more when I'm this and not being a boy, which is a sad, almost pathetically small pleasure which encourages me to keep on going.

A year ago around this time a wonderful but sadly tormented woman who took her own life . I still wonder if there was something I could have done even if rationally the odds of being successful were long. I feel so sorry for her family at this time their sense of loss being far greater than mine especially at this time. My thoughts are with them. May she continue to rest in piece.

Postscript. I am so sorry for being compleatly and utterly downbeat.


  1. No need to apoologise. Why paint on a smile if that's not how you feel? Life's too short for sh** like that. :)

    Winter's not always a pleasant time. I wonder if that's really why we have Christmas? Give us something to look forward to at the start of winter, rather than face the long hard slog from October to February. :)

    Sorry to hear about your friend. Winter can be exceptionally hard on some.

  2. OMG! I so love the idea of Januaryland, the gloom, the gift shops, the dull restaurants that serve nothing but cold, soggy food. It just reminds me soooo much of home and sounds like a nice vacation spot when I want to slip out of the shadow fringe for a day or two.

    I kinda understand the feelings of betterment as a girl compared to the boyishness. I always tell people that I hate being a girl, but since I hate practically everything, it works out for me since I hated being a boy just a shade more than as a girl. And if I actually had some boy mentality inside my head, I'd say bring on the detransition. But unfortunately I don't have that option as a viable choice (only as a bad, technical choice.)

    Oh, and it is my understanding about you humans that the small pleasures you obtain within your lives are supposedly the most satisfying ones.

  3. I think our bodies sometimes remember the pre-industrial age and havea tendency to try to hibernate this time of year...sleep from sundown to sunup as they would have in eons gone by. That's nothing to be upset about, unless you have something else you're trying to get done!

    I am glad you like yourself more now...being yourself instead of forced into a role you weren't has to be a terrible thing to one's soul!

    It's sad that so many are driven from this life, whether by those around them, or their own inner torment. We are less for each of them!

    Please don't be sorry! Please write! Please let me know I'm not alone when it all gets to me and everyone else seems "happy"!



  4. Clinging on to small things, taking solace in the minute, theres nowt wrong with that.

    Hope fully the gloom of Januaryland - physically and metaphorically will give way to spring soon.

  5. Thank you all, being reminded of the anniversary hit me at a bad time compounding a lot of things. My thoughts are with those with bigger problems than mine.

    @Lynn - False smiles are so obvious especially on me. I guess I'm at the end of the long slog.

    @Liz - Darn my humanness :) I wonder what would be in the Januaryland gift shop.

    @Alan - May be right about bodies remembering the pre-industrial age.

    @Jess - Always clinging to small things better than focusing on the bad.


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