Happy Christmas

It's Clichéd to be Cynical at Christmas, something away from the usual Christmas play-lists (sleighlist?).


 Thank you for reading, it's time to log off and to pour a drink of your choice.


Hope you have a wonderful peaceful, loving Christmas.

L x

What They Found Out About You

A while ago I used Amazon to buy some electronic equipment and a gift for my niece. When I returned to the site the incredibly complex algorithmic stuff which made their recommendations concluded I was the sort of individual who'd be interested in pornographic DVD's and Peppa Pig books.

Thankfully nobody was peering over my shoulder otherwise they'd be left with the impression I was someone who buys nothing but bongo flicks and children's literature. Also imagine I really was buying skin flicks, it certainly wouldn't be the sort of thing I would want passed around.

This was just after one buy over time I'd imagine they'd have a more accurate picture to an almost creepy extent. Imagine the crap Google knows about you, but hey if you are not doing anything illegal, you've got nothing to hide, right kids? What if this information leads to them concluding you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered you night be bothered.

A woman in the American state of California is most certainly bothered and is suing Netflix (I guess the UK equivalent would be Love Film) for breaching her privacy after exposing her rental history to outside developers who could make a educated deduction (using sources like IMDB) that she was a lesbian, something she would not like to widely known. I speculate what DVD's would lead someone to conclude they were lesbian, the complete Prisoner Cell Block H box set perhaps? I'm drifting into lazy stereotypes I'll admit, the point is if exercising your right to remain in the closet (and even those not) remember finger prints will be left online even if the evidence is cleared out from the local computer.

Yes if you're trans you'll know this as you cant obtain a licence to tranny without IT knowledge.

Hairybum and Smith

"So whose the patent Dr Hairybum?"

"Someone called Lucy and Its pronounced Haribom by the way, Dr..."

"Smith, the writer couldn't be bothered to come up with another funny name. Is she still asleep or has she finally topped herself?"

"Sleeping, again."

"Anything we can do for her?"

"No! Apart from offering more and more happy pills she's an absolutely fucking hopeless case. Doubt there's a cure for what she's got, it's too much to deal with and I'm not sure she's got the fight in her."

"Only one thing for it then..."

Picking A Caterpillar To The Maypole

It's advent and time to light the first candle on my home made advent crown having just bent some wire coat hangers out of shape and wrapped in some possibly non flame retardant tinsel to mark the first of four* posts before Christmas. The final post will be marked by a big brass band marching into the studio and playing Good King Wenceslas, Silent Night and 911 is a Joke (actually I may have imagined the last one) and it all feeling Christmassy and stuff.

One of the features of this time of year is the end of year list or countdown. You are probably sick to death of end of year / decade lists by now, if you're not you will be. They are a great way to fill space during a quiet news period and do sometimes provoke a interesting debate.

A good end of year / decade / century list should have a number of entries which everyone agrees are classics, some which are debatable but have some merit, a few flavours of the month which every critic hypes up but will be deservedly forgotten, an "ironic" entry and something to make you exclaim WTF or words to that effect. In some ways its like Catch Phrase where there is a familiar saying like 'Up the garden path' and there is something which they've clearly made up out of nowhere like 'picking a caterpillar to the maypole' for which you were left thinking "nobody in the world has ever said that, ever".

This is not to be confused with the television list show which is just 50 clips which we could afford, randomly arranged.When it comes to books you just get reminded of how many good books you will probably never read in your lifetime even if I was a speed reader.In some ways I guess its like picking a caterpillar to the maypole.


*May not be four, my recent output hasn't been exactly prolific :).

Going Out

The outing of Belle Du Jour has brought into sharp focus the fact that it is better to control your destiny or narrative than have others pull you out.

A classic spoiler after the Daily Mail aided by a gobby ex boyfriend were about to blow the lid themselves. Perhaps slightly peeved to have their exclusive blown out the water The Mail rather intruded on the privacy of her family and in particular her father.

Hopefully she will get the chance to claim credit and enjoy a moment in the sun her writing talent affords. A secret can be a great burden especially when they become successful and critically adulated the temptation to leap out and scream IT'S ME TA-DA! And take the bow becomes all too great.

How many trans, particularly transvestite identified subconsciously give permission to be caught. Practically allowing themselves to be found out because of perceived guilt or shame from their actions. The talk can't be avoided by being caught, infact it will probably be tougher. Better to control and manage the damage as best you can which is what Dr Brooke Magnanti has done.

Transgender Day of Rememberence

Going to keep it short and simple. Why do we commemorate? See the link below.

So many lives, so sad.

Pink Computers

Ooh I am a lady and I like pink things, as long as it matches my shoes I don't care about the technical specifications or anything like that. I thought it was a one off patronising, bit sexist advertisement from a retailer not known for great customer service. (I would rather push my head into a deep fat fryer than visit PC World again).

Marketing bods in the gadget industries (presumably all men) seem to have decided to target the female demographic and figured that if they pinkify and sell as a fashion accessory then sales will rise and they'll be trebles all round. Ignoring the fact that some women may want functionality, value or something else.

Overall it is also slightly demeaning to the many female geeks and IT workers in what has traditionally been a male dominated arena, who somehow struggle with something which is not accessorised with their outfit or pink.

Of course advertisers have been keen to divide up the population into segments, generalise stereotype, pop into little boxes and flog stuff to. With men its assumed they will only buy something which will result in them getting a shag from some pneumatic blond. As women we're all wannabe homemakers at heart and rather keen to get a stain out of some brats or dippy husbands (for they are all dippy) while smiling.

I would offer some tips on what technology products you should buy, but what's the point of asking me, after all I'm just a girl.

Golden Lion Bridge

I met my sister in Swindon the other day. She was clothes shopping and I was more than happy to tag along. The town centre is littered with empty shops which highlights how downhill it has gone in the past 10 - 15 years faced with the more attractive outlet village based on the site of the former GWR (later BR) Railway Workshop, a few out of town retail parks and the alternative centres of Oxford, Gloucester, Bath and Bristol. At least a new shop has opened, its a pawnbroker, which says it all really.

The photo is of the restored Golden Lion Bridge mural near the town centre, painted by local artist Ken White.  It was taken on my camera-phone which only has a few megapixels and no zoom so its not a fantastic image but I love the vivid colours in the restored work. Here's a better image on the Wilts and Berks Canal Trust site and how it used to look.

Gender Pronoun Shock

One the trendy words you see when you visit media websites is the phrase "fast-turn around documentaries" these are, as the phrase suggests produced very quickly on subjects which have been big in the news and are fresh in the viewers minds and still of interest. In these they have either secured new footage, a interview with a protagonist or an expert given time to explore and explain a complex subject beyond the typical 3 minute news report. "The Pregnant Man" obtained an interview with Thomas Beatie, for example. However its often true that some footage is bought in at the right price edited, given a narration and Bobs your uncle, a programme is made.

 To me "Bodyshock - Age 8 and Wanting a Sex Change", broadcast on Channel 4 on the 19th October 2009 fits into the latter category. It looked like the production company bought a well regarded film made for the American National Geographic channel with the assistance of Trans Youth Family Allies. Removing the original narration, adding its own and making a few trims. (Correction 19/11/2009, it was a original film produced by Zig Zag for Channel 4).

The end result led to a lot of the programme wanting to follow the low rent tabloid style recently seen in the Sun. Instead of fully illuminating I felt very uneasy, Like the Sun there was a sense of the circus show 'Roll up roll up, come look at them' in it.

Like many commenter's on the programmes web page  I am troubled by incorrect use of gender pronouns used by the programmes narration which contradicted those used by the delightful children, their loving parents and those around the boys and girls featured. To make the mistake worse the programme featured comments from parents saying how upsetting and wrong using incorrect pronouns was.

I can only imagine how enraged those in original documentary feel about their appearance in this. Perhaps it might be a lesson that although the show you will feature on will be great and you have got a say in how it'll look etc It could be sold on edited, manipulated without your knowledge or consent. Something to consider and sort out beforehand if you wish to cooperate in any future projects.

Transsexual Prisioner Transfer

You probably are familiar with the widely reported successful claim by A against the Secretary of State for Justice and the governor of Manchester Prison in judicial review that she should be allowed to be transferred to a women's prison in order to fulfil the requirements to enable her to eventually receive SRS.

The summary of the facts are as follows. She was convicted of attempted rape whilst a man (her second indictable conviction) and given a life sentence. She began her transition while on remand in 2003 after a diagnosis of gender dysphoria.

Undeniably she has not entered any rehabilitation program and still poses a risk to society which makes her release on licence unlikely (and undesirable) for the foreseeable future.

The description of her incarceration suggests she is fulfilling a large part of the requirements for RLE, (subject to restrictions) including facial hair removal (who paid for this may be especially interesting to many trannssexuals who struggle to find the funds to afford electrolysis and laser treatments). It was enough to satisfy the Gender Recognition Panel into granting her a certificate in July 2006 and according to the judge "presents convincingly as a women". However this is not enough to satisfy the Gender Identity Clinic who require her to live "in role" within a women's prison.

Having looked at the Gender Recognition Act (it is recommended as an excellent cure for insomnia) I had a different interpretation of the allowing for the granting of the certificate and therefore the gender marker on her birth certificate than the GRP. But given she is in receipt it was argued that she should be recognised as a woman as per section 9. Thankfully the judge managed to stay awake long enough when reading and recognised it marked "an important milestone in the recognition of transgender rights."

The authorities defence.

The issue of cost was mentioned, they estimate moving her to the women's estate (in a special regime) to be £85,000 although some press reports imply this is an extra cost to the tax payer, given that she is in a special regime at the male estate her cost of incarceration may not be that much greater. The traditional and frequently successful "floodgates" argument was also put forward. As was the fact that she was for all intents living as a woman so much so that she had obtained a GRC and so there was no breach especially given there is no human right to SRS at the moment. Although rather unfortunately for their defence their own expert conceded that surgery might be desirable and riskier if not done.

The new draft guidelines on prisoners with gender dysphoria.

After much prevarication and interminable delay lasting many years the Prison Service finally managed to write some guidelines on prisoners with gender dysphoria. The draft arrived just as the case was coming to court. They allow for treatment except where there are "risk factors" which she poses but which are "not exceptional" compared to other female prisoners. The judge appears to have taken these draft guidelines into account several times when summing up.

The Human rights angle.

The judge considered whether her Article 8 and Article 14 rights were broken. Article 8 relates to a right to a private and family life and Article 14 relates to a right to enjoy these rights in the convention without discrimination regarding sex, race and so on. Previous judgements have determined that when someone is imprisoned they do not lose all rights.

The judge concluded that the current situation interferes with her personal autonomy "in a manner which goes beyond that which imprisonment is intended to do". Taking into account the reports by Dr James Barrett which concluded that she would only be eligible for surgery if transferred to a women's prison, the extracts from his report included in the law report state RLE is needed while admitting staying in women's prison is a rather extreme form of RLE necessary none the less.

Wednesbury unreasonableness and conclusion.

So in the end she won her challenge on human rights grounds, but the judge added as a footnote that she would have won because the Prison Service were "Wednesbury unreasonable". So even without the Human Rights Act much derided by right wing commentators the result would have been the same

Tabloid Hype, Transgendered Children

Five months ago I made a few notes in an earlier entry entitled Trans Children, about children who are on the transgendered spectrum or merely "dressing up" and the misunderstandings and bigotry that can exist. I noted the fact the treatment of children diagnosed with gender identity disorder was a comparatively new science and that I remained open on some of the ideas that were based on some evidence, however

"Pushing, forcing them to the assigned gender. doesn't cure them. It only teaches them to pretend and fake it, became a superb secret agent, hide it, fucks them up. It just creates self hate, loathing, lack of confidence, depression, drug abuse, suicides".

It is especially important not to single them out and sensationalise and treat as some oddity. Regrettably that is what appears to have happened. Perhaps the school could have handled the situation better. The media's attention has been worse.

The two children aged 12 and 9 respectively (or as The Sun would put it TWELVE and NINE!) returned to their respective schools with approval.

This story found its way to The Sun’s news desk who decided to run front page stories over consecutive days. Thankfully somebody seems to have intervened otherwise their privacy and rights would have been further intruded into. The story of the 9 year old had to be illustrated with the picture of a child model. As the Alfie Patten farrago demonstrated they tend not to give a stuff about such things especially when greedy adults are involved. In fact it’s hard to imagine the News International cheque book wasn’t waved toward the parties in return for their cooperation followed by not so subtle threats what would happen if they didn’t.

From a grotty rag which frequently prints bare faced lies, bugs telephones, prints up-skirt paparazzo and claims to stand and represent the working class while belittling, mocking them and advocating policies which would not help them. So what’s the incorrect use of the male pronoun or giving clues as to their location.

Its a sensationalist story designed to get people bothered in the morning with no mention of the serious and what must have agonising decision the parents and child faced .

Like sexuality, gender identity is frequently set at a young age while campaigns to tackle homophobia are gaining welcome recognition, similar efforts to raise awareness, help schools and deal with transphobia falling on deaf ears. Leaving only a few receiving care and treatment, like these two who I wish good luck given the mindless bigots and haters they face. One hopes that coverage and acceptance will improve.

 P.S.  After drafting this entry I have spotted others with their own perspective. Nicky, Jeni, Debbie, and Abi for starters.

Don't Forget To Vote

Hello. Missed me?

Thought not. :-p

But I hope you are all well. Even if your blog has disappeared, I've done a little tidy, checking blogs that have not appeared in my feed reader for a while and noticing a few no longer exist. So I have removed the dead links and will put some new (to me) and interesting (to me, again) live ones up to replace over time.

I also looked at what people are searching for when they find my blog. I suspect I may have disappointed some who came here hoping for answers to their search queries. So in an attempt to correct this here are the answers to some things you have searched for.

• "how to impress a girl". I can only say some of the things that impress me, I would not dream of speaking for all womankind and that's humour, kindness, chocolates and a few Bacardi and cokes.
• "bum curves". I'm afraid I wasn't at school the day that was covered in my maths class.
• "transgender girl". Hello.
• "womans boobs". I suspect you really don't need any help finding pictures of breasts online and your brief visit must have been a little disappointing.
  

On to the continuing reality show everyone's stopped paying attention to and is waiting for someone in the exec suite to cancel which is the life of Lucy (and by the way keep voting by calling our premium rate line). Last time we all saw her own fragile stability facing its own threats. Sometimes being her own worst enemy these can be from within and if one tiny element is ruined the whole façade can breakdown horribly. Other times when it seems she getting on fine and normal the producers throw in something to liven it up (still time to vote by the way) and entertain you the viewer.

What happens next, you decide.

The Pro-Transition Bias

I am concerned about what I see as the pro-transition bias apparent with some transsexuals pushing some who need good advice (especially when professional councillors may not be available) toward something which may be inappropriate for whatever reason.

Now I do not wish to convey a holier than thou stance. Like a corporate email I feel I should perhaps put a disclaimer on all comments made, something like; "I am not a qualified doctor or councillor. Please take suitable qualified advice. Please be aware the author may be talking utter pants with a bra side dish". Maybe it should apply to everyone and repeated regularly spoken really fast like the regulatory mandated disclaimers at the end of radio adverts.

This is not everyone, some are just wonderful which is why I emphasised the word some. It could be down to a collective groupthink descending on the meeting. I would hate think there were more selfish motivations at work.

Sections within some of the trans communities do not need to act as pullers it can be bad enough for some having to deal with those attempting to push the person away from transitioning. All of which leads me to conclude that if you are not sure the last thing you should do is ask a bunch of trannies. As I said before this is big stuff.

I may be reading too much into it or seeing things not there.

Sliding Door

It has been a while since I wore my heals for various reasons either because of blisters or I thought flats looked better, ironically my boi shoes have had a greater heal then anything I've worn the rest of the time. So being away from them is like being off a bike for a long period; you know how to do it, just that you are a bit wobbly and uncertain the first few yards.

Being a bit wobbly and uncertain about transition is something that will sometimes last longer than a few yards. I think often the difference between so called first and second wave transitioners is just time often there is a Sliding Doors moment where your life could splinter off in two directions as we know the one where we think she dies while the other one finally realises he's a creep and meets the dishy John Hannah hinting at a happy end.

Many could have taken the route earlier yet something stopped it happening then but you'll get there in the end.

One thing that hits me was a deep sense of regret over the path not taken earlier. Kinda like a clenching of the stomach reaching up to the heart. I should have some smart words here but I don't, I can't change what I didn't do so and I have so much future ahead even if so much has passed.

I believe there are no (to use that horrible phrase) win/win situations. There are always downsides as well as up, the scales may tip heavily in one direction but if you can think of no downsides then I suggest you haven't thought it through enough. Perhaps there are exceptions but it probably applies to the stages up-to, including and after transition.

This is big stuff and not to be considered lightly whether going forward, stopping or going back and a whoa! moment will show that you're human. If you start screaming and running as fast as possible away from the surgery then it's probably safe to say it's not for you. However if you are describing the procedure in extreme detail with relish...

When it comes down to it, I am not brave. I just am who I should. It's hard to describe the feeling of inner peace where mind and body are contented. The problem is that your human ecosystem changes like the way you are treated by other elements and how certain elements affect you both environmental and with humans.

I do wonder what kind of role model I make, have they met one before? If not are they going to transpose (if you pardon the pun) all tg's (and I do mean the whole spectrum) based on me.

Awkward Stances

Sometimes a holiday can come up at exactly the right time. A combination of work, family and internal factors combined to make me really low.

I really had to get away.

So I did.

So raiding my red shoe fund and packing a ridiculously large amount off I went. If I had the slightest modicum of planning I would have organised my route to coincide with some exciting event but in my manner, that never happened.

In the preceding weeks I went through my clothes and about a fortnight before that I awkwardly hung about a park with several other trannies in London.

Looking at my clothes I realised I still had a lot of stuff from my early splurges which I bought with no eye for how they looked outside. It's hard for me to remember why I bought what I did I guess I was buying anything fem and never expected to go out in them. I also had no idea of what worked, though I wouldn't profess a totally 100% clear idea of what works now just what really doesn't. In the end a surprising amount was discarded to the charity bin and the odd bit retained for lounging about indoors. My clothes rails still look full despite this necessary prune. If I ever do write a book on how to be a tranny the advice for newbies would be to buy from charity and discount shops until you find your style because you will make mistakes and waste money.

But then what do I know? I never knew just how much of a radical difference hair style can make to my appearance until I wore a new style when I went out.

There are photo's of me floating about with wind swept hair (shoulda worn a hat in retrospect) and the look of a very early stage transsexual who had taken another leap out her zone and lived to make more awkward steps another day.