It has been a while since I wore my heals for various reasons either because of blisters or I thought flats looked better, ironically my boi shoes have had a greater heal then anything I've worn the rest of the time. So being away from them is like being off a bike for a long period; you know how to do it, just that you are a bit wobbly and uncertain the first few yards.
Being a bit wobbly and uncertain about transition is something that will sometimes last longer than a few yards. I think often the difference between so called first and second wave transitioners is just time often there is a Sliding Doors moment where your life could splinter off in two directions as we know the one where we think she dies while the other one finally realises he's a creep and meets the dishy John Hannah hinting at a happy end.
Many could have taken the route earlier yet something stopped it happening then but you'll get there in the end.
One thing that hits me was a deep sense of regret over the path not taken earlier. Kinda like a clenching of the stomach reaching up to the heart. I should have some smart words here but I don't, I can't change what I didn't do so and I have so much future ahead even if so much has passed.
I believe there are no (to use that horrible phrase) win/win situations. There are always downsides as well as up, the scales may tip heavily in one direction but if you can think of no downsides then I suggest you haven't thought it through enough. Perhaps there are exceptions but it probably applies to the stages up-to, including and after transition.
This is big stuff and not to be considered lightly whether going forward, stopping or going back and a whoa! moment will show that you're human. If you start screaming and running as fast as possible away from the surgery then it's probably safe to say it's not for you. However if you are describing the procedure in extreme detail with relish...
When it comes down to it, I am not brave. I just am who I should. It's hard to describe the feeling of inner peace where mind and body are contented. The problem is that your human ecosystem changes like the way you are treated by other elements and how certain elements affect you both environmental and with humans.
I do wonder what kind of role model I make, have they met one before? If not are they going to transpose (if you pardon the pun) all tg's (and I do mean the whole spectrum) based on me.