Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Trans Children

This is about trans issues and does go a little sweary so don't say you have not been warned.

The arguments are not brand new so you might be familiar with them. I have had a bit of time where I have been feeling down and instead of lashing out at the innocent I thought some guilty parties deserved my wrath.

The problem is I feel I am preaching to the converted whereas I probably need to enter the lions den and combat these things against them to the general public and worried parents.

On transgendered kids, It is still an area that needs a lot of research. Sadly some have already made up their minds and will never change. Putting their own prejudices and dogma before the best treatment for the children (whatever that may be).

Now I do not believe in a one size fits all. Every child is different but here's what doesn't work in my opinion.

Pushing, forcing them to the assigned gender. doesn't cure them. It only teaches them to pretend and fake it, became a superb secret agent, hide it, fucks them up. It just creates self hate, loathing, lack of confidence, depression, drug abuse, suicides.

I know transitioning (if that is what it comes to) is hard whatever way (both on the loved ones and the individual) but love and support from you will make them happier.

There are those who believe that they are all "pre homosexual" and not transgender, this does wrongly continue the assumption that gender identity and sexuality go hand in hand. Nor should they be dismissed as just autogynephiles.

Children need to go on a voyage of self discovery. Picking out one dress out of a dressing up box does not automatically make the child tg or gay, its just playing, using their imagination, exploring, having fun. Don't dump all this crap on them by telling them its not for boys.

As for where to go, there are self styled "reparative" therapists offerings "cures" and that all they need is a good male (or female) role model and that a mother should not get too involved in their young boys life and everything would be just hunky dory. It is what my mother thinks and I really hate the fact she is blaming herself because I do not identify with my birth gender. But it isn't the case.The thing you learn is that what you learn is that trans girls and boys come from a wide range of backgrounds and types of families. Another suggestion is that it should be beaten out of them, hopefully other children will join in and teach them that its wrong which leads to what I've said before.

Whatever they may say I am not abnormal nor are these children.

5 comments:

Lynn Jones said...

A deep and complicated issue this one. I think your POV is spot on. You need to let them be themselves. That won't necessarily be easy - depending on where you live, who your friends are and what your school/family are like - but long term, it may be for the best.

I'm a tranny and I'm also a parent, but it doesn't give me any ansers. I really don't know what I'd say to my kids (or nieces/nephews) if they 'came out' to me.

Thinking about it, I think your comments about it not being abnormal and that it's okay would be good starting points. Perhaps the best course of action wouldn't be to say much, but just to say you love them dearly and let them say what they need to. If they asked about a 'cure' I think I'd say that some people stop and some people decide not to. It's really up to the person, not society to tell them what to do.

Looking back at my own childhood - certainly the teenage years - I remember my mum asking me why I was so down. Eventually, I told her and while we were both very upset (she was the first person I told) she said she still loved me and that as long as I was safe, it was okay.

alan said...

Spot on throughout...

As for those therapists who spout off about role models, I'd love to point out to them how many children come from single parent homes without problems! Of course, I'm sure they wouldn't let statistics stand in the way of their drivel or their wallets!

I wish your Mom realized she raised a thoughtful intelligent wonderful person with a beautiful soul!

alan

chrissie said...

Lucy. You're right.

It's a complex enough problem trying to deal with the routine bigotry attached to transexual chidren, without some groups pushing a "politcal" angle into the debate.

As TS/TG folk, we know whereof we speak, don't we?

When I was five I knew I was supposed to be a girl. Dead cert. No doubts at all. And I quickly learned one did not bring up that issue.

As regards sexual orientation, NO WAY was I aware of this at that stage, and in fact my sexual orientation developed prety much in line with every kids, as regards age and self-knowledge.

I have serious doubts about some groups trying to claim that kids know before puberty whether they are homosexual or not.

It's NOT the same thing as having knowledge of one's gender identity, and we have to be damn careful when we deal wuith groups that claim otherwise.

Many young kids experiment with dressing up nowadays, and cross traditional gender barriers when they do so. I envy the fact that, in most cases, their parents are much more relaxed about it than mine ever were.

love
chrisse
xxx

Calie said...

Well put, Lucy. This post really hit home with me.

Lucy said...

I agree with what you wrote
I speak about education in schools about gender identity as we are told there are no trans-children, well I was and there are lots of them.
keep writing, keep fighting and it we will make the world better for trans children