Tuesday, 14 July 2009

The Evil Bride Writes

A hotch-potch of personal updates and general thoughts. Some things have set me thinking about the assumptions which take place within or between many or all the trans communities and how they maybe need to be questioned. Though at the moment its more personal questions which worry me.

Stretch limousines are are quite noticeable on the streets at the moment, I presume for end of term parties and proms. These things are top of the list of things people think are classy but are not above buying your food at M&S and Ferrero Rocher chocolates (they are revolting nuggets of overpriced, misleadingly marketed yuck). The thing to say about the prom dresses I've seen advertised and the photos printed in the yokel paper is that I would choose them but as bride to be in major evil mode picking out the worst colours possible for my bridesmaids to wear. Because despite being way prettier THERE IS NO WAY THEY ARE UPSTAGING ME.

My life has been a little unexciting recently there has been nothing spectacular. Apart from a trip to visit my mother, I really haven't been anywhere. I could go into town but the local town centre is not the most friendly especially at the weekend and frankly looks a bit skanky and boorish at the best of times. That is would I if it was attractive.

The past few days nothing has felt or looked right I just don't see who I want to see and just see (I'm aware I'm overdoing the sees here) a masculine face. Well durrrrh you might say and you'd be right, doesn't make it any less frustrating and undermined my recent coping strategies, although using a word like "strategies" may lead you to believe that I have a some well thought out masterplan other than something I just thought up to cope. Ultimately I'm someone who doesn't feel at home in the male gender or welcome as a female and is trying to seek temporary asylum in a friendly neutral territory.

As such there also have not been any photo updates, a confession I'm sure will start the process of me being drummed out the tranny union or at least a stern talking to.

5 comments:

chrissie said...

Lucy,

The mirror stuff rings bells with me, certainly. Some girls get Bad Hair Days. we get Bad Body Days.

It did my head in when I had the GD Blues really bad. I couldn't understand WHY we had to have 12 damn mirrors scattered around the house. 12..!!!

It was imposible to enter or leave a room or hall without seeing myself and hating what I saw. Finally E covered a few up and removed others. Now I only look in a mirror to shave and pout on make-up or check if my outfit suits.

But it comes in phases. Not had a serious one for a while now.

You should pass through it soon if you are anyhthing like me. Then it will sit in the background for a bit.

Try removing a few mirrors. It helped me.

love
chrissie
xxxx

LucyTolliday said...

Thank you, yes it was one of those bad days just after I was feeling so content. I have been avoiding my mirrors, I did take one down off the wall for a few weeks last year and probably will again.

Just worked out there are 12 mirrors dotted around my place, coincidence?

alan said...

There are only two in ours; one on the medicine cabinet and one in here, above my desktop, mounted high enough that it's most likely safe from the grandkids as it's an heirloom.

I gave up being happy with what I saw in any of them 40 years ago...

Welcome to friendly territory! Thank you for sharing it with me!

alan

Lynn Jones said...

> tranny union

B****cks to conformity! :)

I hope you're feeling a bit better. Sounds like you had a full day down in the dumps :(

Mirrors and image? Well, if you're not feeling right I think we look into them and see only the negatives... sure, not of us a perfect and probably never will be, but to dwell on what you don't have is, I think, a road trip to dark thoughts.

Calie said...

Lucy, I just do not see any male in your pictures but I so understand how you feel. I still refuse to post any pictures. I think seeing the male when looking in the mirror just goes with the territory.

Calie xxx