Goodbye 14

Hello, as my last entry of 2014 I am following the usual pattern of writing about the year just coming to an end. For me its been one of tragic loss, endings and new beginnings all the while I've had friends and family to help me through it. Despite myself I can't help being optimistic for next year, a change of job (hopefully) and my sister giving birth (certainly). The former bringing lots of new challenges and the latter meaning another birthday to remember. In the wider world there's been signs of better awareness for trans people, individuals like Stephanie Hurst have spoken candidly and eloquently about their experiences all while transitioning publicly. Although there's so much further to go, especially if you're not white and middle class.

So here's to 2014.

Thank god it's nearly over.

Feels Like Christmas

So when do you consider Christmas begins? For retailers it begun weeks /months ago, my local ASDA were playing Christmas tunes weeks ago. About 5 minutes was more than enough for me, I feel for the staff who have to listen throughout their shift.
Not that I begrudge Roy Wood his annual cheque I find the use of such songs to create a festive feeling too forced. Although at least it was the original artist I've heard stores use appalling cover versions including a saccharine version of Fairytale of New York, which altered several lines were changed rendering the bite out of the song. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is another that has had the edges sanded away, as anyone whose seen Meet Me In St Louis or as this recent article points out its actually very melancholic.
Going back to my original question, I'm sure most people are starting to think it now after all its Christmas eve and if you'll not Christmasy by now you never will be.
Seasons greetings and have a good time.

Stepping Out

I've had many trans related dreams running the whole range from good to bad and as you'd expect the downright surreal. Don't worry I'm not going to describe them all just a theme from many anxiety dreams which boils down to being out in public.

Taking that step outside is a big moment wherever you are on the spectrum. Its commonly described as leaving the closet although it gets unfairly banded about as an insult at people who can't or don't want to go outside. My first time years ago (decade's in trans years) is still a vivid memory from the darkness, the racing heart, the feel of the cold night air on me and the sound of someone passing nearby. For what was a simple, short evening walk round the block

I thought it was impossible and that I could never do it.

I guess if you want a lesson it's that you can do it.

Cult Of Apple

When it comes to Apple I've never understood the fanboi / cult of Apple which surrounds their products. For the most part their products are well built, mainly stable, sometimes bloated (iTunes), fun to use or useful. But then the same can be said of rival products whose users don't have as many media outlets.
Although inflicting music a lot of your customers don't want is definitely a no-no. U2 and Apple have many things in common, especially coming up with creative and legal ways to avoid paying tax in their home country. Anyone whose been on public transport surrounded by teens will hear Samsung whistles aplenty and talk of Whatsapp and Facebook not Face Time with Where The Streets Have No Name blasting out the speaker.

The Wilts and Berks in Swindon

For many it was the railway that forged Swindon's industrial development in the 19th century yet before the trains came the canal. The Wilts and Berks Canal ran between the Thames at Abingdon and the Kennet and Avon close to Melksham passing below the old Swindon on the hill and through the soon to be new town.

Ironically it was the railways they helped to build which led to their obsolescence and abandonment at the turn of the 20th century.

Thankfully there are still signs of where the canal went and a short stretch to the south of the town about three-quarters of a mile from the town center which has been restored. You can take a lovely walk along the restored part of the canal from the bottom of Kingshill (about a mile from the town center) past the new Waitrose store and the housing development, to within a stones throw of the M4.

The M4 being in the way currently prevents this restored section going any further. Campaigners like the Canal Trust hope it would be the spring board to bringing canal barges back to the town center which I think is a wonderful aim though I doubt the will politically will ever be there.

Bad Id

Its summer, I'm fighting a serious jaffa cake addiction and my mind is full of visions of football players turning and folding their arms, some looking tough, others sweet and a surprising number failing to do that simple task with any style. Much like failing to make the pose on my numerous Id cards look vaguely like me. My poses range from the truck is about to hit me look, I've been out all night mugshot look and I've just been placed in a makeshift photo booth with no time to brush my hair, check I'm not too shiny or complain the lighting or lack of really does you no favors. Pull the wrong pose and you're stuck with it. Often literally a millstone round your neck with a work Id.

At least the tomato plants are still alive.

Because I'm not not much of a gardener this is a great success I put down to benign neglect apart from remembering to chuck a bit of water at it during this dry spell. Who knows I might see a tiny piece of fruit someday.

Social Media Envy

I was reading about a thing called social media envy, not the one coming from Google headquarters seeing millions of people willingly sign up for a social network without having to opted in. This is where one gets depressed after reading all the fun and glamorous things other people are posting as opposed your own life.

If anything I'm the antidote to social media envy so sit back and start to feel better about yourself.

There is a serious point about not benchmarking yourself against other people online especially  other trans people from the one who is trannies than thou, the one who has come from nowhere to walking through the center of calne in a micro skirt via various nights all in the space of seven days. And the flawless transitioner. The point is everyones situation is different and some don't display their doubts and flaws, you can get there and anyway the scenic route is prettier and you'll see some guy throwing out their micro skirt on their way to their next scene.

As for that sexy cool party, it's raining, you'd have to wait for a taxi home, there's a good film on tv and there's still a bit of Bailey's on the fridge.

Hair Up Here and Down There

Apparently the market for razors is shrinking in the UK and many other western countries. Many have switched in large numbers to cheaper disposable razors. Another reason blamed is the growth of men wearing beards, which if the trend continues, you'll be able to spot tranny's as they'll be the only ones who look like they've shaven recently.

One premium brand has been trying to emphasise it's value claiming it lasts 3 weeks, though I'm not letting a 3 week old razor near my face and at the price you could use a disposable every day and still be paying less, if not exactly being green.

A beard on me would never have looked good on me anyway though for many men it works and in my opinion, quite sexy.

 It comes after the trend for whipping off pubic hair reached mass proportions for women and men. And no I would never let a 3 week razor near there. Quickly washing away from a neatly trimmed strip or back a bit, which fooled no one into thinking it was longer, into taking it all off.

Maybe one day it'll swing back into fashion, perhaps it is already starting. Procter and Gamble's share price will soar thanks to a increase in disposable income and hipsters preening around with smooth faces, possibly with a thick mat of hair in their pants.

February

Ouch that hurt, I look up at the faces of my work colleagues and see the reason why. Freak accidents and a lurgy/ cold/ man flu that hung around for a fortnight, it hasn't been a bad start to the year (ignoring all "blue Monday" pseudoscience/ marketing-speak).

Ive been mixing periods of intense activity with moments of total boredom, I'm hoping that it will middle out into one long medium paced meh. One thing I am hoping for is to go out more often, last year was very quiet and that should change this year. I had a long overdue tidy of my make-up bag and cleaned my brushes, something I should do more often.

Anyway, for most of my readers I hope it's not too wet/ cold/ snowed under with emails mentioning Valentine's for you and enjoy February.

MMXIV

Not to be confused with MCMXIV, the title Philip Larkin gave to a poem about the impending First World War, the centenary of which will be covered in great detail throughout the year.

My only resolution is not to make a new year resolution, January 1 is probably the wrong time to make vows and could I really have seen how the last year panned out with a new job and getting my career back on track. I know what else I'd like to do although it'll probably take a little planning.

I would like to wish every reader a happy new year and I hope it goes fantastically well for you.

Lucy x