Saturday, 22 November 2014

Stepping Out

I've had many trans related dreams running the whole range from good to bad and as you'd expect the downright surreal. Don't worry I'm not going to describe them all just a theme from many anxiety dreams which boils down to being out in public.

Taking that step outside is a big moment wherever you are on the spectrum. Its commonly described as leaving the closet although it gets unfairly banded about as an insult at people who can't or don't want to go outside. My first time years ago (decade's in trans years) is still a vivid memory from the darkness, the racing heart, the feel of the cold night air on me and the sound of someone passing nearby. For what was a simple, short evening walk round the block

I thought it was impossible and that I could never do it.

I guess if you want a lesson it's that you can do it.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Cult Of Apple

When it comes to Apple I've never understood the fanboi / cult of Apple which surrounds their products. For the most part their products are well built, mainly stable, sometimes bloated (iTunes), fun to use or useful. But then the same can be said of rival products whose users don't have as many media outlets.
Although inflicting music a lot of your customers don't want is definitely a no-no. U2 and Apple have many things in common, especially coming up with creative and legal ways to avoid paying tax in their home country. Anyone whose been on public transport surrounded by teens will hear Samsung whistles aplenty and talk of Whatsapp and Facebook not Face Time with Where The Streets Have No Name blasting out the speaker.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

The Wilts and Berks in Swindon

For many it was the railway that forged Swindon's industrial development in the 19th century yet before the trains came the canal. The Wilts and Berks Canal ran between the Thames at Abingdon and the Kennet and Avon close to Melksham passing below the old Swindon on the hill and through the soon to be new town.

Ironically it was the railways they helped to build which led to their obsolescence and abandonment at the turn of the 20th century.

Thankfully there are still signs of where the canal went and a short stretch to the south of the town about three-quarters of a mile from the town center which has been restored. You can take a lovely walk along the restored part of the canal from the bottom of Kingshill (about a mile from the town center) past the new Waitrose store and the housing development, to within a stones throw of the M4.
The M4 being in the way currently prevents this restored section going any further. Campaigners like the Canal Trust hope it would be the spring board to bringing canal barges back to the town center which I think is a wonderful aim though I doubt the will politically will ever be there.

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Bad Id

Its summer, I'm fighting a serious jaffa cake addiction and my mind is full of visions of football players turning and folding their arms, some looking tough, others sweet and a surprising number failing to do that simple task with any style. Much like failing to make the pose on my numerous Id cards look vaguely like me. My poses range from the truck is about to hit me look, I've been out all night mugshot look and I've just been placed in a makeshift photo booth with no time to brush my hair, check I'm not too shiny or complain the lighting or lack of really does you no favors. Pull the wrong pose and you're stuck with it. Often literally a millstone round your neck with a work Id.

At least the tomato plants are still alive.

Because I'm not not much of a gardener this is a great success I put down to benign neglect apart from remembering to chuck a bit of water at it during this dry spell. Who knows I might see a tiny piece of fruit someday.

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Social Media Envy

I was reading about a thing called social media envy, not the one coming from Google headquarters seeing millions of people willingly sign up for a social network without having to opted in. This is where one gets depressed after reading all the fun and glamorous things other people are posting as opposed your own life.

If anything I'm the antidote to social media envy so sit back and start to feel better about yourself.

There is a serious point about not benchmarking yourself against other people online especially  other trans people from the one who is trannies than thou, the one who has come from nowhere to walking through the center of calne in a micro skirt via various nights all in the space of seven days. And the flawless transitioner. The point is everyones situation is different and some don't display their doubts and flaws, you can get there and anyway the scenic route is prettier and you'll see some guy throwing out their micro skirt on their way to their next scene.

As for that sexy cool party, it's raining, you'd have to wait for a taxi home, there's a good film on tv and there's still a bit of Bailey's on the fridge.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Hair Up Here and Down There

Apparently the market for razors is shrinking in the UK and many other western countries. Many have switched in large numbers to cheaper disposable razors. Another reason blamed is the growth of men wearing beards, which if the trend continues, you'll be able to spot tranny's as they'll be the only ones who look like they've shaven recently.

One premium brand has been trying to emphasise it's value claiming it lasts 3 weeks, though I'm not letting a 3 week old razor near my face and at the price you could use a disposable every day and still be paying less, if not exactly being green.

A beard on me would never have looked good on me anyway though for many men it works and in my opinion, quite sexy.

 It comes after the trend for whipping off pubic hair reached mass proportions for women and men. And no I would never let a 3 week razor near there. Quickly washing away from a neatly trimmed strip or back a bit, which fooled no one into thinking it was longer, into taking it all off.

Maybe one day it'll swing back into fashion, perhaps it is already starting. Procter and Gamble's share price will soar thanks to a increase in disposable income and hipsters preening around with smooth faces, possibly with a thick mat of hair in their pants.

Thursday, 6 February 2014


Ouch that hurt, I look up at the faces of my work colleagues and see the reason why. Freak accidents and a lurgy/ cold/ man flu that hung around for a fortnight, it hasn't been a bad start to the year (ignoring all "blue Monday" pseudoscience/ marketing-speak).

Ive been mixing periods of intense activity with moments of total boredom, I'm hoping that it will middle out into one long medium paced meh. One thing I am hoping for is to go out more often, last year was very quiet and that should change this year. I had a long overdue tidy of my make-up bag and cleaned my brushes, something I should do more often.

Anyway, for most of my readers I hope it's not too wet/ cold/ snowed under with emails mentioning Valentine's for you and enjoy February.

Wednesday, 1 January 2014


Not to be confused with MCMXIV, the title Philip Larkin gave to a poem about the impending First World War, the centenary of which will be covered in great detail throughout the year.

My only resolution is not to make a new year resolution, January 1 is probably the wrong time to make vows and could I really have seen how the last year panned out with a new job and getting my career back on track. I know what else I'd like to do although it'll probably take a little planning.

I would like to wish every reader a happy new year and I hope it goes fantastically well for you.

Lucy x

Monday, 23 December 2013

Merry Winterval

Like almost all conspiracy theories, there is no war on Christmas, yet every year stories appear in the right leaning media about such dastardly plots by secularists, non Christians, the liberal left etc. Even if untrue (somebodies bound to have used the winterval myth this year as they have every year since the 90's and even after The Daily Mail admitted it was false) it plays well their audience.

Lest we forget the country will stop tomorrow because of a little thing called Christmas where people will state Christmas tele isn't as good as it used to be, despite the fact a cursory glance will reveal there were some stinkers in the good old days.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Transgender Day of Remembrance, exists to pay tribute to and remember those transgender and gender non-conformers who lost those their lives though hatred and fear. Many have also used the day to make wider points about gender, discrimination and suicide.

In many countries including the UK many face fear, violence and discrimination daily and it is pleasing to see many organisations reaffirming to working toward a better future.

On the wider points we should celebrate that womanhood is not defined by outmoded notions from certain feminist thinkers or by sections of the media who want you to believe its to be found in a very expensive designer handbag and other lifestyle accessories. That masculinity is found from gassy larger and watching football. Or that you can be both or neither.

Also that the poignancy of today being trans or gender queer doesn't have to be all misery.

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Cupcake Hell

Regular readers of this bloggins will know there are several things I don't like, for example, program makers who call their show The (something) Show, which just shows how unoriginal and uncreative you are. Manufacturers who are still producing Keep Calm And... item's which stopped being witty five seconds after I saw the first variant of it.

And then there's cupcakes.

Cupcakes are the hipsters of cakes and just as pretentious and annoying. Too large to be a nice bite sized fairy cake and too small to be a proper cake, they sit in the watch it dissolve into a million crumbs all over you once you remove the paper no where land, with no amount of creme, frosting or sprinkles being able to mask how bad a cake it is (the pieces you can get into your mouth that is).

Its not just the cake itself its the "lifestyle" being packaged around it. A sort of metro cafe Sex and the City cool meets 50's housewife kitsch. Packed into an overpriced box.

Sunday, 1 September 2013


I'm back from my little hiatus, it would have been sooner but two drafts seem to have disappeared into the digital void, if you're reading this then it's third time lucky.

So what's happened is that I've started another job. My sister gave birth making me an aunty yet again and I've decided to continue my studies.

Finally here's a badger that wont be gassed.

Saturday, 13 July 2013

The McNally Case, No Trans Criminalisation

A lot of comment has passed, not just in England and Wales but globally, in what has been referred to as the McNally case (formally known as McNally v R. [2013] EWCA Crim 1051 (27 June 2013)), having had a chance to read the report published on BAILII over a week ago, I believe a lot of it has been wrong, including the initial report that it was a 'trans man', verging on the scare-mongering and that sexually active "stealth" transsexuals or women with a trans history have not all been suddenly criminalised.

In March of this year, Justine McNally was sentenced to three years detention in a young offender institution having pled guilty to six counts of "assault by penetration". She (sic, see below) was given leave to appeal her conviction and sentence.

The facts briefly are that McNally (using a male avatar) and "M" met online and continued to meet across various sites and then telephone conversations for the following three and a half years. On M's 16th birthday they met on a few occasions where she gave oral sex and inserted her fingers. It was also alleged she penetrated M with a dildo but this was denied.

After being confronted she confessed and setting up a chain of events leading to her prosecution.

In the judgement Levinson LJ gets to the main question of whether the acts were consensual under English law. Most times consent is obvious, the boxer entering the ring of a fully licensed contest, for example. The fighter consents to potential injury and can rely on the defense of consent if he or she injures during the accepted "Queensbury rules" of the bout.

Recent cases have shown that if you agree to the rules before and then change your mind after the bell rings then consent effectively becomes rape. In the Julian Assange case against the Swedish Prosecution Authority where he had "sexual intercourse without a condom when it had been made clear that consent was only forthcoming if a condom was used" and there was no reasonable belief that he would have had his way otherwise.

Also there's another case where the victim believed that he intended and agreed to withdraw before ejaculation and failed to do so. It was found that the CPS was wrong in deciding not to prosecute.

In this case M consented because she believed she was involved with a boy. This alone does not mean an offense has been committed, the fact McNally was found to have professed to the victim that they were male and not female. Some deceptions, like lying about wealth, are not enough to end consent however some are serious enough and this was found to be one. It does not mean there was no defense just that by pleading guilty she chose not to use one. It is also possible to be convicted over a deception of one's HIV status (something misreported) whether or not there is a deception will be decided from the facts of the case..

Where the appeal did succeed was over the long sentence handed out. The justices decided that a breach of trust only applies where the accused was a professional (teacher, doctor, etc) and substituted the three year custodial for a nine month suspended sentence.

Justine McNally undoubtedly has problems ranging from self harm, sexuality and gender issues (although  diminishing, if not diminished), prison was not the answer it is hoped help is given outside.

The facts of the case are very unusual and very rare. What it means is that if you are trans and get lucky one night you are not being criminalised.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Two Minutes of Your Life

Happy birthday to me. And yes, I survived it. After that I've been busy, a clash of reports, exams, evaluations, and everything else. I don't mind the pressure provided it doesn't go beyond my limit and I can get a lie in on Saturday. I'm also an aunt again so it hasn't all been stress.

I'm sure you are wondering how we all survived without our name on a bottle of sweet brown liquid for so long. I've purposely avoided buying it because I would feel such a corporate tool, yet more than once I've seen someone pull out a bottle with their name on with a palpable self satisfiable sense of ta-da! Yes. Its my name on a bit of plastic round a plastic bottle.

It's that ghastly false personalisation much like being asked for my name when buying a coffee. All I want is a hot drink at a price I consider acceptable for what I'm about to receive, I don't want a meaningless non relationship with an anonymous corporation. It does seem a pointless thing to get riled about and you're perfectly right, a bit like complaining about the word cis or someone putting ed onto the end of transgender. My little winge has probably taken you less than a minute where as hundreds if not, thousands of words were spilt on those two subjects, taking many long minutes I wont get back.