Wind Farm Frolics

A sort of filler post not that i don't have things to write about just that I have deadlines to meet which prevent me consolidating my thoughts or catching up with non business things. My family claims once I'm fully occupied I'll stop my little "habit", there's no evidence to that so far.

I did take a little time to visit my mum and took part in a little quiz at a local bar for which we came second behind the people who takes these things way too seriously (at the risk of sounding like a bad loser).

On the way back I saw the small wind farm that has just been erected just out of town which to me looks a great new local landmark but given the protests about similar projects around the country I am probably alone in that opinion.

Take care, back soon. X

Trans Children

This is about trans issues and does go a little sweary so don't say you have not been warned.

The arguments are not brand new so you might be familiar with them. I have had a bit of time where I have been feeling down and instead of lashing out at the innocent I thought some guilty parties deserved my wrath.

The problem is I feel I am preaching to the converted whereas I probably need to enter the lions den and combat these things against them to the general public and worried parents.

On transgendered kids, It is still an area that needs a lot of research. Sadly some have already made up their minds and will never change. Putting their own prejudices and dogma before the best treatment for the children (whatever that may be).

Now I do not believe in a one size fits all. Every child is different but here's what doesn't work in my opinion.

Pushing, forcing them to the assigned gender. doesn't cure them. It only teaches them to pretend and fake it, became a superb secret agent, hide it, fucks them up. It just creates self hate, loathing, lack of confidence, depression, drug abuse, suicides.

I know transitioning (if that is what it comes to) is hard whatever way (both on the loved ones and the individual) but love and support from you will make them happier.

There are those who believe that they are all "pre homosexual" and not transgender, this does wrongly continue the assumption that gender identity and sexuality go hand in hand. Nor should they be dismissed as just autogynephiles.

Children need to go on a voyage of self discovery. Picking out one dress out of a dressing up box does not automatically make the child tg or gay, its just playing, using their imagination, exploring, having fun. Don't dump all this crap on them by telling them its not for boys.

As for where to go, there are self styled "reparative" therapists offerings "cures" and that all they need is a good male (or female) role model and that a mother should not get too involved in their young boys life and everything would be just hunky dory. It is what my mother thinks and I really hate the fact she is blaming herself because I do not identify with my birth gender. But it isn't the case.The thing you learn is that what you learn is that trans girls and boys come from a wide range of backgrounds and types of families. Another suggestion is that it should be beaten out of them, hopefully other children will join in and teach them that its wrong which leads to what I've said before.

Whatever they may say I am not abnormal nor are these children.

My Own Little Thing

Oh look a field of trannies and they're about to link up and break into a rendition of I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing. But oh no someone's able to explain basics of the off-side law. This shouldn't be allowed. What next beer?

As previously stated if you ask 10 trannies for their definitions of the trans condition, you will end up with 11 different view points. If I am one of the 10 then mine is THE ONLY ONE THAT'S RELEVANT.

Only joking (I think).

I am happy to associate myself with the transgendered family but like any family (work, biological, household, etc.) you may love some but they can really do your head in and frustrate from time-to-time. What I mean all this back-biting and point scoring in some areas is not helping me.

So I need to take a step back from those cul-de-sac's, to do my own little thing. While I get things in perspective and decide on my way through the forest for a while. It's a compromise away from ripping it all up which have felt like doing several times and which my more rational side prevents.

I am, over time, becoming less ashamed over who I am and who I will be, the moments of self-flagellation are becoming more and more spread apart. Over the days my mood has swung back and forth, one day I'm coping and feel such a fraud for even seeking help, the next I feel terrible and despising of the person looking back at me.

Some are of the opinion that you are better off staying away if you wish to transition I would not go that far but holidays away from the trans bubble are welcome at times.

Sexy Things To Some Sexy Music

I am no activist however I try to lobby and campaign on behalf of few LGBT causes when I feel their important enough and I can make a half decent fist for them. Perhaps the best thing I can do is just be there outside and present a good impression to the public who have not seen an obvious transgendered girl before.

You have seen in past entries my faults and my poor first attempts. Sometimes only the final release is visible with the alpha and beta testing images removed.

Initially I was ashamed about it but latterly as I feel more confident in who I am I remember such things as my tg early teens.

Like most biological early teenage years there's a lot of posturing and one long embarrassment. Unless you're in Skins, then you'll be having sexy parties, while looking sexy and doing sexy things to some sexy music or 90210 where you'll be stick thin and in need of some Kendal Mint Cake and pies. Afterwards while acknowledging how bad it was you sometimes look back fondly.

Linky Goodness

If you only read this site through a rss feed reader (through the Opera browser, Google Reader, etc) Then you may have missed the links I post on the side via my Delicious account. So here's the filleted highlights from the recent past (apologies if you have already seen them).

Firstly there's a rather nice and touching eight and a half minute film (available through this page) from the East Midlands edition of the BBC's Inside Out in which Debbie Davis talks about her past as a transsexual through to today.

Secondly there's the campaign (as reported in the Oxford Mail) to persuade the Oxfordshire PCT to pay toward their SRS. Although the signs are encouraging pressure needs to be kept up.

If you are a British citizen or resident and have not already signed the petition (here) I would urge you do so by the deadline of April 7.

And after you have done that scribble a complaint to Ofcom (here) about Moving Wallpaper (Tx: 20 March 2009, 21:00-21:30, ITV1). Espcially if you think the humiliation, belittlement and being prejudiced about transsexuals is deeply wrong.

If you wish to watch it do not use any torrent things as it would be very, very terrible if ITV didn't receive any ad revenue from such a prejudiced piece.

I'll leave with a commercial.

She-Ra Princess of Power

I preferred She-Ra to He-Man (ugh he's just a beefcake narcissist) and watching this clip many years on it was fairly apparent why. I mean those boots are gorgeous and the whole transformation sequence wins over the poor animation (then most of the animation on children's tv was like that). I remember wanting to transform into a girl just like that when the dust settled there I would be.


Just a break from the serious stuff.

Taking Offence

I wasn't going to say anything but then I made the mistake of watching.

What I saw was the incredibly transphobic episode of an alleged sitcom called Moving Wallpaper. Although it never stops the average Daily Mail reader I thought I would view the offending show before passing comment, this has the rather unfortunate necessity of visiting the once proud commercial broadcasters site and watching again.

The more depressing thing is that ITV does have a good record portraying homosexuals, bisexuals and transgendered peoples over the years. In Coronation Street, other dramas like Bob And Rose, reality and documentaries. Compared to other broadcasters who might veer onto the sensationalist which has a EPG attention grabbing title or a dull and worthy documentary which paints us as just pathetic victims.

I was not around for the supposed bad old days where the comedy non-white was a fixture in many comedies (there are exceptions where race was tackled well like Rising Damp and Porridge). However the 80's sitcom gay is well remembered, crude, lazy, stereotypical, without any dimension and offensive.

It starts off buttock clinchingly bad with a reference to surgery leading to a shot of a pair of scissors, references to "sausage factory" with funny sitcom music which replaces the canned laughter which tells you that was supposed to be a joke. The character is deliberately set up to be a unlikeable character which the writers attempt to make it OK to mock her and her transsexuality.

The joke was on her, not on the bigoted or ignorant jokers and gave them the impression that it was fine to be prejudiced and discriminate against transgendered women (and by possible extension trans men) in the workplace as well as wider society.

Comedies can be edgy and original but this was nothing of the sort.

Anti-Starbucks Based Rant

To me Starbucks stands for a lot of things I despise, what I want is a cheap cuppa most of the time not a overpriced double wocca choca latte with my daily calorie intake catered for in a few mouthfuls. I do wonder how they have at times avoided the whole super-size me controversy that dealt McDonalds a almighty kick when essentially both are pushing fatty products most of the time. I would be tempted to say there's an element of snobbishness. Yes they do also sell black espresso's but MackyD's sell carrot sticks, doesn't mean most are going to touch it.

What else its the most expensive for crap coffee a taste tester gave them 1.5 out of 5 compared to Caffe Nero's 4 and was found by Which? researchers to be the most expensive. To be fair this is a free market and people buy brands for the lifestyle rather than quality or price Also their previous success forced many rivals to improve their offering. But hey, you read the title, you don't expect me to be really nice and I haven't even started on their business and employment practices.

In short not a fan, much like Lord Mandelson.

My First Visit

The first time I walked out, I got to the gate, checked there was no one up the road, got to the gate and carried on walking up the road through a dark park round a few streets and back again. I was so scared.

Sometime after that I got ready to go to to a group in my local region. My MP3 was playing You Love Us by the Manic Street Preachers, as I neared the venue but I couldn't go in, I suppose I had used up all my courage getting there that I had none left. So I just loitered for a bit, think this time I will go in but I never did. Which makes it sound like a big fail, but taking the positives, it wasn't. As you can see from a photo taken on my old mobile my make-up was rather poor and the wig could be better but it didn't matter, I learnt a lot that day. Namely I wasn't going to be pelted with bricks for going out and I can do it.

Evil Overused

You know from watching those dumb list shows called things like The 100 Most Evilest People In The World Evah!!! Voted by the sort of person who thinks that sort of thing is important but not voting for their Councillor or MEP. Before I topple off my soap box cue smug voice-over. "At 100 he may be called the man of steel, but he doesn't have much appeal according to you, its Stalin!". With Kerry Katona garnering more votes than Saddam Hussain, the top three comprising of the latest pantomime villain from a reality show, Chris Moyles and Fred Goodwin.

All in all the use of the word evil is used too much. There are several definitions of evil, includeing the secular, religious and the philosophical. This is going to be a short argument because what detailed religous education I recieved in my youth has faded and I went for history at A-level. The point is that anybody doing anything remotely wrong or imoral gets called evil when it devalues true evil when it happens. Like many forms of modern slavery and trafficking and acts of mass slaughter for example.

Come a Long Way Since

Welcome to Master-Tranny, transiting doesn't get any tougher than this. A new spin off from the popular cookery show, where contestants face a series of "tests" (the supermarket test, the teenage girl test, any more ideas?) And a lot of talk about a "journey" all played over a soaring indie rock soundtrack.

Guess whose mind was wandering while watching rubbish on the television. This is supposed to be about my development and the missteps and trips along the way.

My voice is not perfect (by a long way the biggest understatement I have ever made), the initial practice sounded a bit too "I'm a laydeeee". I've reigned it in since following the typical route of softening the voice, talking once I felt it starting to click and I sounded great sadly the next utterance would be suited to performing Ol' Man River, Paul Robeson's signature song (a man who did lead a great interesting life which I could end up going on about but will move on to my outfits instead).

I am not one of those who believes that to be a ''serious'' tranny, the party dresses have to be ditched. (It would be dull if we all dressed the same). I can and do feel female in jeans but I will always wear a dress if the mood takes me and the times right I will choose to dress-up. The point missed or forgotten by some. is that a number,  need to so they can be kept sane. From time to time I come across some women who express the same point. The fact is that there are few places (you would be considered slightly eccentric or strange for a start, 'hang on I'll just get my cocktail dress on then we'll go to the pub') and it takes too long to get ready for it to be a daily thing. 

Yes there are also those women who will always opt for jeans but its not all and it would be wrong to insinuate it is or that not they are not proper females or even not feminist.

As I make the baby steps toward that eventual moment of truth (another cliché) , testing my ability to cope with all aspects of trans life, detailed so richly elsewhere.

Everything is still so relatively new and there is a new test every time I go out. For instance, what do you do when you know you're being stared at? How I stop myself lapsing my stance? All this and so much more before I can call myself a wise old tranny, settle back in my rocking chair and be insanely jealous of younger, better looking girls. :) Or even contemplate a successful transition.

Got Something To Say

..but nothing comes...

Hello my post rate has slowed down, over the past month, a combination of busyness and being blah (no ups being UP and the lows being haven't been really low) so its fair to assume no news means my final missive hasn't been revisited and I'm ok.

There also seems a big push in the style media that its now the 80's revival, a lot of it seems a bit over stylised and too try hard. The worrying thing is that its probably the first time for a "revival" that I can dimly remember the original and my, what a ghastly decade it was on the whole.

Back to bed, back to reality. 

Send Us Your Pictures

I did intend to create a snow-woman but after a brief rummage I decided I could not spare any, so it got adorned with some boy tat instead.

It did seem that building a snowman was something the adults did while the children rolled big snowballs, sent the sales of any kind of tray soaring or sat inside watching Ben 10.

Now back to work.

99

I wouldn't normally do a meme type thing but it looks like a fun thing to do and following on from the presumably several already done (includeing here, here and here. I've seen so far) this is mine with comments in brackets.

The rules are..

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. (not strictly speaking)
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. (possible stretching the meaning of a shower in this case).
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain. (Some big hills but not a mountain)
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. (very badly).
11. Bungee jumped. (no way would I ever do this).
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own Vegetables (yes, they were weedy little things).
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. (slept on a daytime train though)
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (Honestly).
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon. (see bungee jumping)
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. (Ok not strictly but I did do the equivalent in rounders).
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. (depends on the meaning of ancestor)
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language. (not self taught, fancy learning Japanese someday)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt..
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. (well, a quick drawing).
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (have no head for heights)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business. (self employed)
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Been given flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood. (that's bad, I know).
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a cheque. (no idea how I have managed to avoid doing it so far).
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

And that's it. A little US centric so it probably upped the haven't done and don't want to do count.

Caps Lock Madness

I have previously refered to the world of the conspiracy thoerist and espoused my belief that most thoeries are lacking any evidence that would survive any credible examination. Since then economies and financial institutions have gone belly up leading to the reserection of one of the oldest conspiracies, namely the accusation that there is a jewish banking cartel, by the usual bunch of anto-semites and neo-nazi's spouting the usual crap AND THEY ALL TYPE LARGE CHUNKS OF THEIR RANTS WITH CAPS LOCK ON as if that lends credibility while in no way making them seem even more insaine.

Here's another exhibit on a different topic from the entertaining spEak You’re bRanes site.