Taking Offence

I wasn't going to say anything but then I made the mistake of watching.

What I saw was the incredibly transphobic episode of an alleged sitcom called Moving Wallpaper. Although it never stops the average Daily Mail reader I thought I would view the offending show before passing comment, this has the rather unfortunate necessity of visiting the once proud commercial broadcasters site and watching again.

The more depressing thing is that ITV does have a good record portraying homosexuals, bisexuals and transgendered peoples over the years. In Coronation Street, other dramas like Bob And Rose, reality and documentaries. Compared to other broadcasters who might veer onto the sensationalist which has a EPG attention grabbing title or a dull and worthy documentary which paints us as just pathetic victims.

I was not around for the supposed bad old days where the comedy non-white was a fixture in many comedies (there are exceptions where race was tackled well like Rising Damp and Porridge). However the 80's sitcom gay is well remembered, crude, lazy, stereotypical, without any dimension and offensive.

It starts off buttock clinchingly bad with a reference to surgery leading to a shot of a pair of scissors, references to "sausage factory" with funny sitcom music which replaces the canned laughter which tells you that was supposed to be a joke. The character is deliberately set up to be a unlikeable character which the writers attempt to make it OK to mock her and her transsexuality.

The joke was on her, not on the bigoted or ignorant jokers and gave them the impression that it was fine to be prejudiced and discriminate against transgendered women (and by possible extension trans men) in the workplace as well as wider society.

Comedies can be edgy and original but this was nothing of the sort.

Anti-Starbucks Based Rant

To me Starbucks stands for a lot of things I despise, what I want is a cheap cuppa most of the time not a overpriced double wocca choca latte with my daily calorie intake catered for in a few mouthfuls. I do wonder how they have at times avoided the whole super-size me controversy that dealt McDonalds a almighty kick when essentially both are pushing fatty products most of the time. I would be tempted to say there's an element of snobbishness. Yes they do also sell black espresso's but MackyD's sell carrot sticks, doesn't mean most are going to touch it.

What else its the most expensive for crap coffee a taste tester gave them 1.5 out of 5 compared to Caffe Nero's 4 and was found by Which? researchers to be the most expensive. To be fair this is a free market and people buy brands for the lifestyle rather than quality or price Also their previous success forced many rivals to improve their offering. But hey, you read the title, you don't expect me to be really nice and I haven't even started on their business and employment practices.

In short not a fan, much like Lord Mandelson.

My First Visit

The first time I walked out, I got to the gate, checked there was no one up the road, got to the gate and carried on walking up the road through a dark park round a few streets and back again. I was so scared.

Sometime after that I got ready to go to to a group in my local region. My MP3 was playing You Love Us by the Manic Street Preachers, as I neared the venue but I couldn't go in, I suppose I had used up all my courage getting there that I had none left. So I just loitered for a bit, think this time I will go in but I never did. Which makes it sound like a big fail, but taking the positives, it wasn't. As you can see from a photo taken on my old mobile my make-up was rather poor and the wig could be better but it didn't matter, I learnt a lot that day. Namely I wasn't going to be pelted with bricks for going out and I can do it.

Evil Overused

You know from watching those dumb list shows called things like The 100 Most Evilest People In The World Evah!!! Voted by the sort of person who thinks that sort of thing is important but not voting for their Councillor or MEP. Before I topple off my soap box cue smug voice-over. "At 100 he may be called the man of steel, but he doesn't have much appeal according to you, its Stalin!". With Kerry Katona garnering more votes than Saddam Hussain, the top three comprising of the latest pantomime villain from a reality show, Chris Moyles and Fred Goodwin.

All in all the use of the word evil is used too much. There are several definitions of evil, includeing the secular, religious and the philosophical. This is going to be a short argument because what detailed religous education I recieved in my youth has faded and I went for history at A-level. The point is that anybody doing anything remotely wrong or imoral gets called evil when it devalues true evil when it happens. Like many forms of modern slavery and trafficking and acts of mass slaughter for example.

Come a Long Way Since

Welcome to Master-Tranny, transiting doesn't get any tougher than this. A new spin off from the popular cookery show, where contestants face a series of "tests" (the supermarket test, the teenage girl test, any more ideas?) And a lot of talk about a "journey" all played over a soaring indie rock soundtrack.

Guess whose mind was wandering while watching rubbish on the television. This is supposed to be about my development and the missteps and trips along the way.

My voice is not perfect (by a long way the biggest understatement I have ever made), the initial practice sounded a bit too "I'm a laydeeee". I've reigned it in since following the typical route of softening the voice, talking once I felt it starting to click and I sounded great sadly the next utterance would be suited to performing Ol' Man River, Paul Robeson's signature song (a man who did lead a great interesting life which I could end up going on about but will move on to my outfits instead).

I am not one of those who believes that to be a ''serious'' tranny, the party dresses have to be ditched. (It would be dull if we all dressed the same). I can and do feel female in jeans but I will always wear a dress if the mood takes me and the times right I will choose to dress-up. The point missed or forgotten by some. is that a number,  need to so they can be kept sane. From time to time I come across some women who express the same point. The fact is that there are few places (you would be considered slightly eccentric or strange for a start, 'hang on I'll just get my cocktail dress on then we'll go to the pub') and it takes too long to get ready for it to be a daily thing. 

Yes there are also those women who will always opt for jeans but its not all and it would be wrong to insinuate it is or that not they are not proper females or even not feminist.

As I make the baby steps toward that eventual moment of truth (another cliché) , testing my ability to cope with all aspects of trans life, detailed so richly elsewhere.

Everything is still so relatively new and there is a new test every time I go out. For instance, what do you do when you know you're being stared at? How I stop myself lapsing my stance? All this and so much more before I can call myself a wise old tranny, settle back in my rocking chair and be insanely jealous of younger, better looking girls. :) Or even contemplate a successful transition.

Got Something To Say

..but nothing comes...

Hello my post rate has slowed down, over the past month, a combination of busyness and being blah (no ups being UP and the lows being haven't been really low) so its fair to assume no news means my final missive hasn't been revisited and I'm ok.

There also seems a big push in the style media that its now the 80's revival, a lot of it seems a bit over stylised and too try hard. The worrying thing is that its probably the first time for a "revival" that I can dimly remember the original and my, what a ghastly decade it was on the whole.

Back to bed, back to reality. 

Send Us Your Pictures

I did intend to create a snow-woman but after a brief rummage I decided I could not spare any, so it got adorned with some boy tat instead.

It did seem that building a snowman was something the adults did while the children rolled big snowballs, sent the sales of any kind of tray soaring or sat inside watching Ben 10.

Now back to work.

99

I wouldn't normally do a meme type thing but it looks like a fun thing to do and following on from the presumably several already done (includeing here, here and here. I've seen so far) this is mine with comments in brackets.

The rules are..

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. (not strictly speaking)
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. (possible stretching the meaning of a shower in this case).
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain. (Some big hills but not a mountain)
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. (very badly).
11. Bungee jumped. (no way would I ever do this).
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own Vegetables (yes, they were weedy little things).
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. (slept on a daytime train though)
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (Honestly).
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon. (see bungee jumping)
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. (Ok not strictly but I did do the equivalent in rounders).
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. (depends on the meaning of ancestor)
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language. (not self taught, fancy learning Japanese someday)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt..
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. (well, a quick drawing).
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (have no head for heights)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business. (self employed)
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Been given flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood. (that's bad, I know).
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a cheque. (no idea how I have managed to avoid doing it so far).
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

And that's it. A little US centric so it probably upped the haven't done and don't want to do count.

Caps Lock Madness

I have previously refered to the world of the conspiracy thoerist and espoused my belief that most thoeries are lacking any evidence that would survive any credible examination. Since then economies and financial institutions have gone belly up leading to the reserection of one of the oldest conspiracies, namely the accusation that there is a jewish banking cartel, by the usual bunch of anto-semites and neo-nazi's spouting the usual crap AND THEY ALL TYPE LARGE CHUNKS OF THEIR RANTS WITH CAPS LOCK ON as if that lends credibility while in no way making them seem even more insaine.

Here's another exhibit on a different topic from the entertaining spEak You’re bRanes site.

Januaryland

There's a great mock-ad in this months Viz.

"Come visit Januaryland, the most depressing month of the year, all year round!... See it get dark at half past three... our computerised climate control has it dull, overcast and a bit cold all day long... (Closed Dec 31 to Feb 1)". 

The warning signs that things were about to be a bit bobbins when I watched a disappointing episode of Jonathan Creek on New Years Day. Later on there's the colds, coughs and chills to contend with. The prospect of mass unemployment and payments to HM Revenue and Customs coming up.

Perhaps I have a serious case of the winter blues, I have slept an enormous amount and if I could the rest of the month would be spent in bed. One night, though, I did feel better walking home with the thought that I like myself more when I'm this and not being a boy, which is a sad, almost pathetically small pleasure which encourages me to keep on going.

A year ago around this time a wonderful but sadly tormented woman who took her own life . I still wonder if there was something I could have done even if rationally the odds of being successful were long. I feel so sorry for her family at this time their sense of loss being far greater than mine especially at this time. My thoughts are with them. May she continue to rest in piece.

Postscript. I am so sorry for being compleatly and utterly downbeat.

Battle Of Who Could Care Less

You join me here as the war between factions continues, inflicting numerous casualties along the way while the rest of the world looks on at the sheer pointlessness of it all.

Yes I am talking about the transgender wars. Now into another year of who knows how many years of upset, hurt feelings and loudly flouncing out of chartrooms, the battle continues as it has done every day except for one Christmas day where the sides met in no gender specific land and played slightly pointless games like word association before resuming the next day.

Currently a group of transvestites are employing their shock troops with their visible stocking tops to go over the top (for which they need no encouragement) unfortunately their 5 inch heals are stuck in the mud and are soon beaten by a set of transexuals in jeans, t-shirts and sensible shoes using their overwhelming sence of superiority. All seems lost until the tv's special agent behind enemy lines a Tracey Roll, starts a debate about stealth and all hell breaks loose.

Can the transvestites advance and claim victory? Or will they have to return to bob mode before then? Stay tuned.

Don't Call It A Comeback

For those new or relatively recent to the blog, hello I'm Lucy. This blog will probably continue to follow the formula I have used previously, a journal of my life along with witterings on subjects that take my interest. I could separate the two but I'd have difficulty running two blogs.

So this is my first post of the year, (151st overall) a chance for a new start. My writeing performance flagged a bit towards the end of the year and a few threads have been left hanging and not followed up. Thank you for your comments though, they have all been read with interest and I will get round to writeing little notes eventually.

My depression comes and goes along with my gd like many others, thankfully it has not been too disableing recently and the dark thoughts have stayed away. If there is one thing I really should have learnt from last year it is that depression needs to be addressed. I am at the begining of a long path (I've stopped useing the word 'jouney' because of its overuse in programes like Strictly Come Factor, X Danceing, Masterchef and other reality shows) its not a straight A to B and will probably have many up's and down's before the final chapter. Thankfully I am blessed to have people prepared to take time from their own lives who have helped me.

I did say I would write a second part on the law of privacy, again I will scribble it down but with a potentually important case being brought by everyone's favourite footballer Ashley Cole regarding embarrissing revelations about his night with a hairdresser. I probably delay comment until the court has had its say and adjust my comments in light of.

One post from the end of October about my wardrobe mistakes deserves a little update. I did eventually delve through my clothes organiseing and removing some horrors. The space created has been filled by my purchaces over christmas. I think its time to create some more space. Hopefully I am more selective without having to rely on mere luck.

So That's A Whole Year Ended

My invite to Kerry Katona's glamorous party with all her fantastic frozen nibbles including the intriguing King Prawn Spoons and great guests like Jason Donovan, has obviously been lost in the post. So I will probably do what I did last year,  sit at home listening to Big Ben ring in the new year and watch the fireworks. Not that I would have it any other way, its the one time where you need a ticket to go down the pub and I'm never that organised.

The beauty of life is that its often uncertain and throw good and bad things your way unexpectedly I hope you can navigate your path next year with ease.

The Girl Who... would like to thank you for reading thus far. Some blogs are either or all of the following witty, informative, moving, intelligent or inspiring. Mine is ... er, ...

..anyway, happy new year!

Have A Cracking Christmas

I give you a cheesy but topical advert from the 1980's. No wonder they went bust in the end, the amount they must have paid the Goodies during this extravaganza.

I'll be back after I've bought some C90 cassettes for only £2.99.

Woolworths "Have a Cracking Christmas" UK TV Advert (1981)

A very merry Christmas to you all, 

Lucy Haylie Tolliday. 

Balancing

Even a few months ago I probably would have hid somewhere or ran away.

It was drizzly evening and I was late. As seems to be the case whenever I attempt to get ready recently other people unwittingly hinder and delay me, that day was no different. I get ready eventually, makeup's a bit rushed and my sister turns up. Outside people were out and about, one double take but alright. Until...

The man in the fake Burberry cap turns up. It wasn’t until we passed each other that I heard him shout a string of expletives aggressively.

Uh oh.

I continued to walk away, picking up a little, not turning back, listening for the sound of footsteps just in case. QUEER, GAY, QUEER was his passing shot as I disappeared off to pass others who indifferent or more tolerating of this tranny in their midst.

I had a comeback ready but decided to take what I decided was the safest course of action. I have had homophobic and a instance of transphobic abuse before, depressing though that statement is. There will always be bigots about but they can’t be allowed to stop me or turn me into a permanent victim.

Writing about this I am aware that I may be dissuading some thinking of coming out but I can’t paint a rosy picture all the time, just be sensible and for me the joys outweigh the pains and knob heads encountered. I am not brave nor do I have high self esteem.

The rest of the night was pleasant enough, it was nice to have an excuse to get out even if my application of blusher wasn’t the best. I can be the quiet on and I apologise to anyone who met a slightly monosyllabic tranny, that was probably me being awkward at social gatherings again. My posture failed me at times and needs more work. The photo was taken on the way home, I forgot to activate the control for dim conditions so I’m a little in the shadows and my photography skills need a little work.

I did take a mirror this time, next time remember some flip-flops to put on if walking home.