Helping links

So did the earth move for you? (BBC NEWS | England | Earth tremor felt across England) A momentary scare wondering what the hell was going on. I was thinking a big lorry? A possible explosion? Just realised I would be useless during a big earthquake.

Some links you might have missed.

From the Tyra Banks Show (via YouTube) in the US, a short clip from a longer special, featuring Alaina and her mum (suppose that should be mom) talking about advice for transgender children (Link; YouTube - How To Help A Transgender Child.)

Also the excellent Transsexuals in Iran documentary, well worth catching if you haven't already. (BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Iran's 'diagnosed transsexuals') and a great discussion (via the Angels).

The Old Curiosity Shop

Was in boy clothes yesterday, got described as looking like a "curiosity shop owner". Is that a good thing?

Drag Acts and Bad Acts...

Dustin the Turkey... what the..?!!!



lol but not a Eurovision song. Ireland choosing a novelty act a strategy which has worked really well for the UK these past few years.

Little Earthquakes.

As I've had periods of hiatus recently everything has gone a little slow for me. I'm impatient to move on and try new things. But if you told me the small things I've already done this time last year I would have been delighted. The little earthquakes I've made are nothing to what others have done but this girl would have thought even that was impossible. And that's the point I need to keep focusing on.

I wrote on a thread about role models that I thought some people on that forum were role models beside some 'witty' aside about bringing out the sick bags. In all seriousness they are.

Sounding.

Decided to take a long cold walk where I ended up at ALDI and left with some shopping, alongside some cheap shades of eye shadow to experiment with and some anti-wrinkle night cream to join the large collection of beauty products I've already got. Thanks to that little bit of retail and cold air I felt better.

Forum.

This has been linked to on Boing,Boing but I thought worth re-linking (How To Behave On An Internet Forum).

Reading a thread on the Angels about how the membership of forums changes people posting less for various reasons (their life has moved on, or the forum has) and new ones join.

Thinking of all the forums I belong to there are some I hardly ever go to. Some have small memberships and are quite slow, others are not my kinda place for various reasons.

Also my love and wishes to Chrissy Rogers, along with her family and close friends.

Friends.

Last month I put being a better friend and making new ones as two of my ambitions for 2008, without going into detail. That's because I didn't have a detailed idea of how to go about it. Is it better to be totally honest or hold something back and never hurt their feelings, for example. To me it means there has to be a spark, an enjoyment of each others company.

According to a study reported in the Telegraph (Women better at friendships, says survey) there are some differences in how friendships are conducted by either sex, although these differences should not be exaggerated and other factors contribute. Nasty manipulative friendships exist in either sex as do deep long lasting friendships. However more likely than not they are likely to be from the same sex and be "deeper and more moral" if your a woman.

A good guide on eight ways to be a better friend has been written by Susie Michelle Cortright (Eight ways to be a better friend). They are expanded upon in the link but they are essentially.

1. Like yourself.
2. Choose wisely.
3. Make the time.
4. Make the first move.
5. The Golden Rule. (Treat your friends as you wish to be treated).
6. Sweat the Small Stuff.
7. Listen.
8. Be loyal.

Disjointed post.

Hello a sort of disjointed post with a couple of items not worthy of a full post. I sat down yesterday with my diary and wrote a fairly long post which I may write up some day after some hefty editing which drifted into topics of friendship, trust, honesty, love and transgenderism. At the moment its all over the place and lacks structure and a coherent argument it being just a stream of conciousness scribbled down quickly with an old fashioned pen and paper. Although a lot is made of being always on with mobile's, and wifi hotspots its a good thing to just turn it all off for a little while.

At the moment I'm taking a little break going through a bag of Fruit Pastels (they are kinda Moorish) and reading through some blogs on Google Reader which is an web app I definitely recommend (I'm sure there are others) meaning I get notified if someone posts and don't have to open dozens of tabs on my Firefox browser and forget to visit others (includeing some wonderful stories and insights).

"Makka Pakka, akka wakka, micka makka moo!"

Spent early evening a few nights ago as a unpaid babysitter and saw at first hand the power of In The Night Garden. Its like television crack (or Fruit Pastels) for the under fives it's no surprise they have sold so much merchandise of Igglepiggle and his friends.

And Finally.

An good report from BBC local tv - Sex Change Story of Megan.

Feeling pain.

Some people are feeling more pain than they are letting on. Always thought suicide was a cowardly thing to do, yet I don't feel anger, just sadness that someone felt no alternative but to take such a drastic measure. Was there something I could have done? Should I have picked up the clues? It hit me hard than I thought it could.

Sorry just using my blog to pour my thoughts..

Rest In Peace.

Just found out. Others can probably write more eloquently but this is my tribute. She was a kind, bright girl with so much promise ahead of her and will be missed by those who truly knew her. My thoughts are with her family and friends. Goodbye, may you rest in peace.

My Aims For 2008.

My aims for this year.

I acknowledge it is not as wonderfully laid out as Nicky Susanti's coloured in masterpiece, there's also no time scale for almost all of them. This is largely because things pop up unexpectedly to put a spanner in the works making a deadline unrealistic.

1. Lose weight. Everyone else seems to claim exactly the same thing I know. These resolutions are often composed after the author has somewhat overindulged during the Christmas period and has put on a few pounds and promptly forgotten shortly after. I haven't given a target either but at worst I hope to lose at least a pound.
   
2. Improve self confidence. Its something that has to be tackled day by day there have been slow changes I doubt I'd become some ubër confident alpha person at the end of the year or something similarly remarkable. However like this year I hope to see some improvement. Possibly see a therapist.
3. Work on deportment.
   
4. Be safe. Don't take stupid risks, don't be afraid of seeking help.
5. Be nice but assertive.
   
6. Start dating again.
   
7. Work through gender issues.
8. Go out more often.
   
9. Sparkle. I'm booked.
10. Be a good friend.
    
11. Make new friends.
12. See more of the world. So many places I want to see that I haven't yet. Looking at booking a few city breaks money permitting.
13. Be better at what I do.
14. Manage money better.
15. Fem haircut?
16. Exercise more often. Visit a gym or swimming pool at least once a week.

Phew not a lot them.

The Quick Change.

Normally it takes a few hours getting ready to be the semi presentable girl I am, but I had an overwhelming urge to dress and only a short time to do it before I really had to sleep. Its was odd hadn't had that urge for some time and trying to rationalise it later I still don't know why. In the end it was some very dark tights to conceal the fact I hadn't shaved my legs long top to do likewise for the arms and only a tiny bit of make-up. If only I could do a quick transformation like Wonder Woman (a bit off topic but I did used to try spinning when I was very young influenced by the television series, sadly for me the only thing that happened was that I felt giddy and a bit ill) .

What I Did Next.

Just a few days into 2008, I'm slowly starting to get back into the swing after some time away. Everything seemed quiet a day or two after New Years day, the roads ware not as busy for one thing. Excusing the few who were ill it was like the nation had decided to take a duvet day as one.

The Christmas went well for me, got some time to dress before I went away. I haven't had many chances recently and I haven't developed as much as I hoped but the occasions I've had have been more eventful.

Little things like sleeping "fem" (I don't like the term "en fem" or "fem" but I can't think of a better one). Gradually getting bolder building up to the first time out at a sociable time.

It wasn't perfect, at times I overcompensated pronounced swaying etc., then looking petrified and finally relaxing with a few of my old habits learnt up from three decades of socialisation slipping in. I still have a long way to go but we have to start somewhere. Rather oddly for a tranny I didn't take 100's of pictures at the time, just 4 on my rather basic camera that came with my mobile (and they were mainly to quickly check my appearance).

I've mainly avoided giving advice on this blog partly because there are better places to go and partly because I haven't acquired the wisdom and maturity which would give such advice weight. That said, the best advice I can give to anyone contemplating going out is to just do it don't over analyse or your just cause doubt and nervousness. Just stand straight, shoulders back and go.

So what did I do over chrimbo? In short I went off and stayed with family over Christmas far away in a fairly nice mainly rural area. On Christmas day, drunk steadily over the afternoon, enjoyed my veggie roast and delighted in Doctor Who (I really really want Astrid's outfit). Realised I can't eat everything so went to bed.Woke up from my Boxing day lie in by the local hunt loudly paradeing down the nearby street, they appearing determined to prove their point. Spent time playing with my latest toys, includeing that ultimate tranny accessory a digital camera. And as soon as it started it was over.

As is normal for that time of year mused on the changes that I have happened to me over the past year and for everyone else. A belated happy new year.

Regrets I've Had a Few...

The new year, its a time to look forward. But it is hard sometimes not to look back on some events and feel some regret. Also to consider the person that might have been or your lost possible self. The could haves can have a debilitating effect, I have many where if I took that path I may have been a better person. An excellent article (link) explains how regret can change as you get older, and how the perspective these lost selves are seen can affect the emotional impact of these memories.

Last of 2007.

Another year has passed into history. Thank you for taking the time to read my little comments.

This year I have experienced a lot from euphoria to deep unhappiness, confidence and shyness, and some deep searching. I never thought my year would go like this when I heard Big Ben on the 1st January 2007 and who knows where the journey will take me in 2008.