The Girl Who Should Know Better

No Thanks For The Mammary's

2012-02-13T16:41:00.000Z

Page 3 was brought up at the Levenson enquiry and the editor of The Sun trotted out a tired old defence to what is a tired and dated section of the newspaper.

It was described as an institution. Not all institutions are worth preserving though. It perhaps should have followed that other "institution" Miss World and disappeared (from UK screens, at least).

That it hasn't suggests a large number of readers of The Sun and Daily Star enjoy it, though its debatable whether it is the deciding factor to buy said publications, The Sport had an abundance of nipples and very little else, which didn't save them from going bankrupt (or bust, if you forgive the pun).

Do I support a ban? No, I am not a fan of censorship, if you believe there is something worth censoring, I do not consider breasts pornographic and the same goes for bottoms, in my opinion. But then I'm probably out of step and enthused with too much western European liberalism. The participants are adult, consenting and paid and there are more trubleing and sexist images appearing on celebrity websites and magazines everyday.

PR Stunts and Proton Savvy's

2012-02-09T18:23:00.000Z

I do think the unhappy face on the hand written sign is an poignient touch. Hello, I'm now on the other side of one of those busy peaks of the year where I was sat infrount of a spreadsheet beyond what is good for me or any normal person for that matter.

It is coming up to Valentine’s Day, I guess at its base there is a celebration of romance and lurvvydovvey stuff but my word it’s hard to like something when there is just so much crass and cynical commerciality piled on top. A few years ago someone mocked up a Tesco Value valentines cardsatirising the commercial aspects before going viral only for ASDA to really produce one several years later as a cheap PR stunt Anyway,I’m sure a lot of uncomfortable frilly and lacey pants will be sold.

The subject of breast implants raises some hackles but when trans joins the equation everything is turned up to 11 and it invariably gets very trollish (a word?) but what everyone should agree on is that they should not kill you like the PIP implants apparently have from what initially looked like some cheap and nasty product going wrong is showing signs of dodgy dealing and rather poor regulation. Ideally the government should have brought out its smiting stick and ensured that the large profitable private companies,some it has been suggested sold it as a Bentley when in fact they were installing Proton Savvy’s, have a duty of care and should remove them free of charge. A lot of women have been deeply troubled over this but hopefully the outcome will lead to greater protection to all, including trans who go private in future.

Recycle The Tree

2012-01-16T18:40:00.000Z

Now on the other side, its time to add 2012 to the collumn on the right and put the tree out for collection.

At least unlike last year there's no royal wedding to bore me senseless for the first 1/3 of the year with newspapers producing supplements in the desperate hope that a proportion of the population will buy their wares again, even the Guardian jumped on the bandwagon despite a large part of the readership are waiting for the first republic and the rest couldn't give a flying stuff. I predict there'll be more flannelling though in time for the jubilee and more pictures of an upper middle class bum whenever the thinnest of excuses appears.

Dubbed on Twitter as the obscenity trial, the acquittal of Michael Peacock has delivered a interesting kick to the OPA. People more specialised to comment in detail on the implications will, or indeed have already done so, here and there. I'll just say that I hope that the law finally ends intervening in the bedroom affairs of consenting adults, there are things on Gumtree more worthy of police attention and you can safely bet publishers are wondering how far to push the new envelope.

Like last year I'll probably be posting irregually and without any concl

Happy New Year

2011-12-30T07:30:00.002Z

In the past few years I haven't been out celebrating the end of one arebretary point in the calendar and the start of another. I'm sure people are having fun but the whole thing feels forced and there's nothing so grim as trying to pressure yourself to parr-tay.

So i'll probably have a quiet night, try to send a few messages before the mobile network's jam, listen to Big Ben chime at midnight and then hope there's a half decent film on tv.

What ever you chose to do, I hope its great and i'll see you on the other side.

Be Mary This Christmas

2011-12-21T16:17:00.000Z

And as Santa shuts up his factory for the last time unable to compete with the out-of Lapland HyperTescoMegaXmasMart and hands the elf's their P45's. While Ebenezer Jet Scrooge rebrands himself as a job creator, berates the ghosts for being dangerously socialist and kicks away Tim's crutches for good measure. I would like to wish you a very merry Christmas. Some folks get shirty if you say holidays instead of christmas, I personally don't care. There are a set of values implicit in any of the variations that are good and friendly things to wish each other. Happy Chanukah as well while I'm at it.

As the punchline to an old cracker joke goes; eat, drink and be Mary.

No More Biscuit Buying

2011-12-11T15:14:00.000Z

The world and her auntie have already written about My Transsexual Summer it seems (but that’s probably more to do with who, I follow) so I’ll step clear of a detailed post on the subject. As the last post suggests I’m a little jaded about the whole trans tele thing anyway. My problems were a lot to do with modern production styles than anything substantive and it posted competitive figures for Channel 4 in that timeslot (not to mention the +1, PVR , online and repeat figures) so they’ll be many more to come for good or bad.

One of the participants recieved a lot of critisum for using the word "tranny" while I respect their right to dislike the word and even object to, I think they need to realise that others are not offended.

An obvious spin-off would be My Transvestite Winter, where the online community can argue whether they really are TV because you, know, one of the participants did something more stereotypically transsexual. There’s also the moment where one decides to walk to post a letter only to realise they haven’t needed to send a letter for a while, all their bills are paid electronically and they haven’t written a letter for a very long time. While looking for an idea she spots the advert for stair lifts, fills in the coupon asking for a brochure and pops it in an envelope leaving her ground floor flat into the late night air.

The group then visit all the well-known haunts, the Way Out Club, Pink Punters, Sparkle and the branch of Marks and Spenser on Regent Street, Swindon. Where they receive a lot of looks and plenty of attention, which can be edited so it appears they’re all looking at them not the large camera crew trailing them.

And they’ll still be doing something more interesting than buying biscuits.

Surgery On Ice With Spuggy

2011-11-05T15:00:00.002Z

“Where else would you get a brave and honest insight into gender transition?”

The quote is from the Channel 4 press site announcing the Trans documentary “Girls will be Boys and Boys will be Girls” as part of their autumn season, reading it one gets a sense of deja vu.

To answer their (rhetorical) question everywhere, it seems promises a brave and honest look, (they also tend to mention other words like tender and sympathetic). But then I don’t think there’s a programme on this subject which declares it’s going to be cowardly and dishonest beforehand, although many turn out that way.

Elsewhere I noticed they are looking for participants for yet another trans documentary, it only seemed like weeks since the last one was broadcast on UK TV, probably because it was only weeks ago. I would have thought all angles were already covered (tv, m2f, f2m, b2b, abc, flibety flob, etc, etc) and there was nothing new to say. I may be surprised and it could be different, like featuring a woman leading up to her SRS only this time its ON ICE and performed by celebrities!

Of course that’s a flippant answer but if Jet and his eponymous production company are reading in their Hoxton studio office or any other production company for that matter then do avoid the cliché’s. There are so many a drinking game was invented. (Though I’m willing to listen to offers for the “Celebrity Sex Change On Ice” format by the way, the fliberty flob episode featuring Joe Pasquale, Spuggy from Biker Grove and Stu Francis will be must watch television).

Someday a programme will feature transgender people going about their lives once in a blue moon challenging gender norms and all that but most of the time they'll be going to work, paying bills and deciding whether to buy Hob Nob's or Digestive's at the supermarket. Just like everybody else.

The Joy of Poundland

2011-10-07T23:00:00.002+01:00

Poundland is a unique shopping experience full of interesting customers (not as interesting as those in the 99p store down the road, but interesting none the less) and a lot of mainly cheap tat.

On a damp, wet day and wishing not to arrive at my meeting looking drenched and dishevelled, I went in there to buy a cheap umbrella but as soon as you enter you're assaulted by offers despite knowing that some of it is made of material so cheap it will disintegrate by the time the packaging is opened. Its much like the IKEA formula where the customer thinks they're only going into the store for a wardrobe and come out with a shoe tree, an "innovative" cup hook and some glittery shower curtain rings.

There's a huge pile of After Eight's to start. After Eight chocolate's are the sort of thing which were sold as being classy, posh and sophisticated but were none of the above which places them alongside items such as Vienetta ice cream and stretch limousine's.

The book section is a sad area of unloved books that nobody bought filling the shelves, serving as a reminder to the occasionally over optimistic hubris of the publishing industry like the large pile of "Is It Just Me", by Richard Hammond hoping to finally find a home at a knock-down price.

In the end I got my umbrella and a few other things, naturally. For a retailer born during the 90's recession looks set to continue expanding everywhere in this one (apart from Oxford, strangely).

A PSA From FACT

2011-10-02T01:09:00.000+01:00

With all the accusations that certain people are not genuine transsexuals we at FACT, the Federation Against Counterfeit Tranny's felt that we should produce a guide so you can be confidant you've brought home a genuine m2f transsexual.

Often fake transsexuals are of poor quality, can reduce viewing pleasure and jeopardise future transsexual production. Also they are sold by bad people who poke poorly kittens and don't return the shopping trolley after they've used it, so it's imperative that you help us.

If you can't find the hologram then you might want to ask a question like 'do you work in IT?' Or 'motorbikes are great aren't they? If they answer yes you can take her home with confidence.

However if they subsequently express an interest in dresses, admit to quite liking sex, having a crossdressing friend or not breaking up with their long term partner among many other crimes then you can freely message them offering your own diagnosis because the opinions of several trained professionals,sometimes experienced gatekeepers and their own knowledge of themselves patently counts for nothing.

Thank you for watching.

Unremarkable Tree

2011-09-20T00:28:00.000+01:00

A brief selection of waffle to end another period of neglectfulness toward the blog. Slightly busy at the moment to finish off the drafts

The picture above is a unremarkable tree was on the grounds of a former school now demolished which is now a community area / field. It was planted as a memorial to a boy who choked to death in the playground after swallowing a pen lid in 1977. I remember those pens and watching reports on Newsround of children choking to death over 10 years later before someone thought it might be a good idea to put a hole in the lid and try to limit such a needless loss of life.

People Will Always Need Plates

2011-08-18T07:00:00.001+01:00

Its time for those A level results to be revealed and for pictures of attractive teenage girls to be published with equally attractive friends in a celebratory yet suggestively sapphic way. Extra points if you can get them to pose like that and leap in the air at the same time.

All of this is in no way tacky or slightly pervy. Oh no no no no...

Been there and my nerves were suitably shredded. I remember collecting my results often bumping into my time cohorts for what would be the final time and without ceremony I read my results ending one chapter and starting another in my life.

With youth unemployment at 20% and massive student debts you wonder what a chapter some face.But its not the end of the world if you haven't done well.

Those Offensive Questionnaires

2011-08-15T14:54:00.000+01:00

Some things are worth getting angry an innocuous diversity questionnaire may not seem like one of them but Richenda Legge did. That horrible "Norfolk District Council sent her a customer survey with a series of highly personal questions" as the Mail reports.
Of an optional nature and used by public bodies across the country.

'But I really saw red when I read the question about my sexual orientation. There was a choice of heterosexual and straight, gay woman/lesbian, bi-sexual or ''other''.

The bastards.

"As it so happens I am happily married to Mr Legge.."

Good for you. So you can declare this to several million readers but not tick a box on a questionnaire.

'I found the questions offensive and unnecessary - and so I shredded and recycled it".

Or maybe the council wished to know who lived in their borough and used their services to, perhaps, better tailor their offering to the community they serve.

This was too good and followed up by another piece a few days later with the predictable rent-a-quote spokesman from the so called "Taxpayers Alliance". Although they have never spoken for this taxpayer and as Private Eye pointed out several senior members don't live here or pay UK tax.

Presumably they would also object to questions (or a "grilling") on a persons transsexual (sic) status. Which although the one I saw recently was clunkily worded have been added to several forms, I believe it a good thing on balance and if you don't agree save yourself the mere 10-15 seconds and leave it alone.

Four

2011-07-27T06:00:00.002+01:00

So this pile of bloggins has survived another anniversary, its fourth, time for the annual apology

sorry some/ all entries have been crap

this I would have written yesterday if I wasn't organising the separate bins for recycling day and putting them out. Its kinda become a Monday ritual carefully removing the address from an envelope or piece of junk mail with Eastenders playing in the background.

I haven't regularly watched Coronation Street since the 90's yet even in this age of media proliferation I still have an awareness of the main characters, plots and the fact Mike Baldwin's no longer in it aided by the fact its on when I visit friends and relations. Hence I saw the big crash, given it was major anniversary and is still very profitable for ITV you would have thought they'd spend more than a fiver on effects.

Currently there seems a media brew-ha over the number of LGBT character, one of the complaints seems to be unrealism perhaps forgetting it is a soap opera and occasionally reality would make a crap 25 minutes of drama.

A few weeks ago I had a bit of free time in London and so I visited the British Library to see their small science-fiction exhibition because I'm interested in the genre and library's are cool. The curator(s) took a quite broad brush approach as opposed to the more narrow focus many purists would take to the subject and while some of the conclusions are hardly new there's some little titbit's that make it worth visiting.

I also got my hair cut for the first time in ages it was just getting far too long and unmanageable. After finding a hairdresser who would take me without an appointment I have something that looks better and more feminine if I wish it to be. I did try to take a quick self portrait sadly one was over exposed and on the other had me scowling.

That Cheap Smell Of Teenage Desperation

2011-07-13T00:37:00.002+01:00

A bit of advice to teenageboys, don’t try to grow facial hair, seriously it just looks horrible. Therewill come a time when your voice deepens and your balls drop when the hair thatsprouts of your face and neck can look very mature, masculine and on some folksprovided its well groomed, attractive but until then that bum fluff with a bitof acne look does not make you look grown up or sexy.

While I’mon adolescent boys, LYNX DOES NOT MASK YOUR BO, in fact it gives a more unpleasantfunk than then the whiff of bad personnel hygiene alone. Lynx (or Axe as itsknown outside of the UK/ Ireland and a few other territories) is like the ladmag in that its pitched at young men and largely bought by school boys tooyoung to buy proper "adult" mags. Thelad mag market has plummeted in recent years with the only titles bucking thetrend seeming to be those aimed at health and fitness and I guess teensfiguring out how to turn off the safe search while googleing. I can only hopethey figure out other new concepts like bath, soap and a decent antiperspirant.

Thepost title comes from an Andy Parsons line he used on Mock The Week; "Lynx:for that cheap teenage smell of desperation."

Yay And So On

2011-06-20T22:20:00.000+01:00

Hello, haven’t been out recently a combination of a bad neck and visiting the family, the former involved spraying some Deep Heat on the affected area (I would be really useless in the event of an actual injury).

The latter was made better by leaving the adults area and joining the assorted nieces and nephews in the other room. It was fathers day yesterday, yay for dads and so on, if you’re one of those who have performed the male parental role (the topic of transgender fathers springs to my mind and it is expanded upon elsewhere, I just feel I’d step on some third rail (did I mention I would be really useless in the event of an actual injury)? So I’ll just say yay to you as well. My own dad doesn’t really go in for this entire card and a gift, and looking at a lot of it ranges from the tacky to the slightly sexist.

What card do you get if your father doesn’t like football, golf or cars? And is there a gap in the market for a crossdressing fathers day card?

Up On Nob Hill

2011-06-01T15:00:00.002+01:00

On the top of the hill in Old Town toward The Lawns sits the part known as Nob Hill, a name which would have caused great amusement as a child alongside Benny Hill repeatedly slapping a bald man on the head. There are the ruins of what was known as “Swindon House” renamed in 1830 as “The Lawns,” the great house of the Goddard whose family name lives on as the name of the nearby pub.

Like the nearby Lydiard House, It fell into disrepair and had a spell housing American troops during the war. Unlike Lydiard it was declared unsafe and demolished though one can wander about the outline and ruins and wonder where you’re standing used to be.

There’s a range of habitat including a lake, woodland and a meadow which attracts a range of wildlife including several species of bat, apparently.

Growing Up Is Optional

2011-05-29T02:45:00.004+01:00

So another year goes by.

Another birthday and here's Gus to perform one hop for every year,

hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop....

Oh dear, he seems to have collapsed though exhaustion.

From the first album I bought, which while not The Beautiful South's best album, Choke is a creditable choice and the cover art was brilliant.

I Know That You Want To Try

2011-05-16T02:47:00.001+01:00

When I finally get round to writing something new on the blog I find Blogger has crashed. Which, like many, prompts me to consider moving to Wordpress or at the very least backing-up my published entries. A few days later and I still don't have anything new and exciting to write about, the usual job/ family/ tranny stresses and not a lot else.

Not long from now I will in all likelihood be dreaming the details of which are almost always only of interest to the one whose had the dream. I tend to stumble across comments where mtf trans/ trans historied people say they've dreamed they're a woman and that means its destiny. Maybe it is a subconscious signal but I'm wary of being guided by dreams, I've dreamt of eating a bacon roll and playing in central defence for Aston Villa (me neither, try to interpret that) I can say with confidence neither will happen even with Villa's position in the EPL table.

Although I did have a very pleasant lesbian dream which I haven't written off happening.

Here's a band I've revisited, whatever happened to Dubstar?

Ageing Celebrity Buying A Toffee Crisp

2011-04-15T12:00:00.001+01:00

I made the mistake of flicking a copy of the Daily Mail while in the coffee shop which contained a frankly startling revelation.

I'm still reeling from the news a well known person looks different than they did 30/ 40/ 50 years ago. Apparently its something called ageing and I for one applaud all the newspapers and magazines for informing their readers week after week of this stunning new discovery by using celebrity examples. These articles are often so similar that I've suspected that they were written using a template and yesterday I was proved right when a file marked peopleageshocker.docx was accidentally forwarded to me, the gist goes as follows

[Insert name of well known person] NOT SO [insert reference or pun to what they are most famous for]

Back in the [swinging sixties/ glam seventies/ electric eighties] they [reference the field the person was successful and popular in] but today [essentially call them a slob].

(insert a small picture of person professionally taken, well lit and with make-up on, place hastily taken Paparazzi shot at a very unflattering angle of person 30/ 40/ 50 years later out walking dog or quickly popping to shop to buy a Toffee Crisp over at least half the article space).

The reality is that people age, admittedly some do so better than others helped by good diet, exercise, beauty regime and a bit of luck. If someone after a successful career wishes to not do that and put their feet up and have that second helping then that's their wish.

Not Angry, Just Disappointed

2011-04-09T07:00:00.001+01:00

I probably have mellowed out a little over the past year over trans representation in the media my view seemed to have veered to a slightly parental 'I'm not angry, just disappointed' bent however the sketch based on newspaper report of Thai airline hiring "ladyboy" hostesses which featured on Russell Howard's Good News is worthy of complaint.

The sketch perpetuates negative and offensive images of transgender and in particular transsexuals which encourages transphobic abuse, ironically given the story was about an initiative designed to help a marginalised group in Thai society.

On a comedic level it was lazy stereotypical writing from writers who can do better.

Running On

2011-03-22T01:28:00.004Z

The Whitehouse Bridge apparently it has the dubious distinction of being one of the most struck bridges in the country and despite awareness campaigns and some very prominent signs being installed some people still insist on ploughing on trying to get their vehicle under despite the very obvious evidence to the contrary. I was going past the area a while ago and a van driver was still try to drive on despite the roof scraping along the top of the bridge and drivers both behind and going past shouting out things, I couldn’t hear exactly what was said but I think it was along the lines of “I think that’s a jolly foolish endeavour you’re embarking upon” and “oh dear I think you should turn round” though it could be that the language was slightly more Anglo-Saxon. Unlike many bridges trains can still run over despite the strike and rather cool tests like this one in 1996 at 40 mph can be done.

Like that driver I’m sure there are things we continue to do despite all evidence to the contrary there’s plenty of research into the psychology of investors especially during bear markets that make them unwilling to ditch a dud clinging to a dead cat bounce as the sign that they might make their money back until its too late and the fear and panic hits whereby they swear they’ll never make the same mistakes again as they start buying flats to rent out.

Mistakes? Never made one myself.

Meet Jet

2011-02-22T01:57:00.000Z

Meet Jet. He's a rough and ready go-getting type of guy. Jet by name and Jet by nature, smooth and self assured, he with his good hair and designer stubble. He'll take credit for good ideas his minions came up with. He'll talk about 360 degree synergistic strategies. He'll list his strengths ending with making lurrrve at which point there'll be some god-awful boast about his penis-fencing prowess.

Yes I hate him as well.

Ask me to list my strengths and I'll um and er my weaknesses are quicker to mind and I could go on and on to the extent of making myself sound like a totally hopeless case. Its probably my fear of appearing to be bragging, a degree of modesty, some shyness and total dislike of any form of public speaking which holds me back.

There are some things, heck bugger modesty there are many things I am not just good at I'm bloody brilliant at them and I don't have to resort to using meaningless buzz words either.

Modesty is a great, almost laudable trait though there's a time and a place. If you don't promote yourself then chances are unless you've the budget for PR (even then the best promoter of yourself is almost always yourself) nobody will do it for you. If you don't knob heads like Jet will run the world.

Just A Bit Of Banter

2011-02-04T00:52:00.001Z

Oh my word! I seem to have been transported back several decades to some office and I'm a secretary and that must be my boss.

SMACK!

He knows I love a playful pat on the bum really.

GIGGLES.

Sorry about that. Thankfully we are past the time when being a bit of a sexist dick can be dismissed as banter or playfulness. The fuss over Gray and Keys being two total twonks has abated, the anonymous Youtube poster with their job done disappears. Though it wasn't surprising that Sky had tolerated such outrageous behaviour when a just a few years ago they were advertising their sports news shows by how attractive their female presenters were.

Had a look on the recently released crime map which revealed that I live in a slightly dull area and my local PCSO has a magnificent moustache. It also revealed, and you might want to be prepared for this revelation, that the area where all the pubs and clubs are had a few incidents. So all in all money well spent because I never would have known that. What it didn't display was any context or detail, the uninitiated observer might just think it a total danger zone whereas its fine outside of a Friday or Saturday night.

BUZZZZZ

Oh I'll have to stop now the boss wants me to step into his office and take down some particulars.

Bear Up A Tree

2011-01-24T22:57:00.000Z

I hope this year is treating you well so far. I imagine those exercise equipment bought are already gathering dust or being used as expensive clothes horses.

Not a lot has been going on there's been work and the inevitable allowing of the mind to wander resulting in me trying to fit (or crowbar) Wiltshire place names into film titles which is a variation of numerous Twitter memes admittedly. So a late afternoon war spent coming up with films like Scenes From A Marlborough, The Rodbourne Supremacy, The Ogbourne Ultimatum, Park South The Movie, Wild Wild Westbury. I could go on and on but you'll be mercifully delighted to hear, I wont.

The bear up the tree I photographed along the bridle path on my way home having suffered the rather soggy and cold weather and looking definitely worse for it. Makes a change from the symbol of modern Britain, a bag of dog poo being tied to a branch which always made of wonder why, especially when there were designated bins nearby. When I was growing up (and even in the mid 90's) there were no bins and owners were not as thoughtful. In Marlborough there was one such lane from a well-to-do part of town to the High Street which was so befouled it was commonly referred to as dog shit alley where you would be lucky not to end up with something horrible on your shoe.

MMXI

2011-01-01T00:00:00.000Z

Happy new year.

Just been giving the blog a spring clean and clearing dead links. I also had a look at the search keywords used to reach the site, a lot of these are searching for others I have linked to on the side or in the past some are no longer there, searches for Stephanie's Pillowbook are numerous as are the Candyfloss Girl, Abi and others. I probably disappointed the student who I presume had a upcoming tutorial when the searched for "workshop on wednesbury unreasonableness" and as for "lesbian lust transv tvchix estate sex" I don't know what to make of.

So without further to do, here are my ambitions for the year, just don't call them resolutions.

Ambitions for 2011.

Work toward obtaining my professional qualifications.
Make new friends.
Get fit and lose weight.
Travel and explore more.
Learn another language.
Start a thread on the Angels Forum which gets locked. But I can't be a troll about it, as that wont count.
Practice make up skills.

Here's to 2011.

Merry Something

2010-12-24T22:46:00.000Z

Three posts in a week, I've hardly done that most months recently let alone a fairly busy week like this one has been The photograph was taken outside Christ Church which is near the top of the hill in Old Town and can be seen for miles around especially when illuminated at night.

Here's a cold looking plastic pig outside the County Ground.

The last post was about traditions, this one is the traditional Christmas entry. Thank you for reading in 2010 and merry Christmas.

Tradition

2010-12-22T07:00:00.003Z

During Christmas day at home when I was growing up the television was on the whole day starting with the children's programmes. The strand generally ended with a very poor festive cartoon film called something like Flossy Reindeer Saves Christmas. Where the eponymous hero learns something about the true meaning of Christmas and other moralising messages pausing only for some really bad songs. Nobody's really watching it though because its presents time!

Television at Christmas time thrives on tradition, turning over just as the Queen's speech is starting and only tuning back once its safely finished. watching The Snowman on Channel 4. Which I see is being shown again, although no longer on Christmas day. Repeats give rise to that great pre Christmas traditions the newspaper article complaining about the amount of repeats. The Daily Mail managed to excel this year by publishing the piece before the schedules had been released.

Tradition is why the Sound Of Music gets another showing, personally I'm not a fan of over saccharine type films with the possible exception of Its A Wonderful Life. The great thing about tradition is that every family's traditions are different and there's probably a new one starting this year.

The Worm That Turned

2010-12-21T02:35:00.003Z

Forced feminisation and emasculation of men featuring a stern but skimperly leather clad women including the woman from the Shake-N-Vac adverts.

It sounds like some premium top shelf adult goods but believe it or not it was a series of sketches called The Worm That Turned on a prime time BBC family show.

In the serial women rule Britain while men wear traditionally women's clothes and law and order is maintained by a secret police force led by Diana Dors. It is, simply put, one of numerous anti-feminist satires where extremist feminists take over which popped up from the mid 60's showing what a awful place it would be (for misogynists, especially television writers) if women had equal pay and opportunities. In the end the evil feminists plan is throated because deep down all they want is children, fluffy things and a penis inside them.

A lot of just makes one groan rather than feel bothered, its just dated like a time capsule into a time long gone like the Miss World. Society has moved on for instance attempts by Sky and Channel Five to broadcast Miss World Contests in the UK flopped despite the publicity.

I was reminded about The Two Ronnies for some reason on the one hand they produced some of the finest sketch comedy ever (even at the time of Not The Nine O'clock News' Two Ninies parody) produced but there was also some quite naff or hideously sexist items.

Great Trans Cliché's

2010-11-21T03:04:00.000Z

A number of overused word and phrase's used within the transgender communities in no particular order. Yes this writer pleads guilty of uttering at least one and asks for a series of other transgressions to be taken into consideration.

Transition or die.
Real Self (or Selves or me).
True Self (a variation on the previous)
Its not about the clothes.
En Fem.
I'm not interested in (sport or a particular sport).
Passing
Stealth
Hun

Any more suggestions?

Thought It Ended 5 Years Ago

2010-11-05T20:00:00.000Z

The Jerry Springer show is 20 years old which is surprising to me as I thought it ended at least 5 years ago. Twenty years where a millionaire invited mockery on people who were mainly poor and stupid. But then the well off have been mocking the poor for essentially being poor for centuries. Perhaps the nastiest recent example was the use of words like pram-face which more than one tv executive thought was an acceptable term to put in a shows title.

From a trans perspective it also helped to perpetuate negative and unhelpful transgender stereotypes, Jerry's Transsexual Surprise, Guess What, I'm Really A Man, High School Transsexual being some of the episode titles .I personally find it depressing that transgender (and I use the general rather than the specific transsexual because the results radiate out, affecting all) people are displayed in such a way to barely disguised titters.

Much like trans Big Brother contestants where you just know there's a gag about there being a knob under that skirt round the corner before they show a prosthetic penis to emphasise the point.

In its defence it doesn't claim to be anything else but silly, mainly scripted, trash, no pretence of "after-care" and unlike Jeremy Kyle there's no smug bullying lectures mid way though a segment. But it does annoy the hell out of me to see trans peoples portrayed in such a way.

Altogether, JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!

Death of a Transwomen

2010-10-31T10:00:00.001Z

A death happened. The victim died instantly after being struck by a tube train. Someone else is charged with allegedly murdering the victim. A tragic event, one for the investigation team to try to piece together the events leading up and a subsequent jury or jury's to decide if there is culpability based on the facts presented to them.

The victim was transgender. This made all the difference to how it was reported in several outlets and what this post will focus on along with disgraceful online muckraking and tedious labelling.

In newspaper land Sonia was not a talented solicitor instrumental in the formation of several legal precedents and helping many people but just a transvestite or a "man in dress" with wilful insertions of the male pronoun the reporting was horribly sensationalised by several outlets including the Daily Mail, Evening Standard and The Sun. To compound it journalists started sifting through her online life, destroying her memory and suddenly the transvestite became a "a transsexual escort" who was living "a secret life".

Even in reporting the touching tribute from her family which showed true love and acceptance by calling her Sonia not David they had to ruin it.

Killing A Polar Bear

2010-10-24T18:42:00.000+01:00

Just consumed a shop bought salad bowls, half of which you end throwing away because they bulk it up with sweetcorn and pasta leaving a horrible gunk at the bottom, I suppose its all to do with psychology and it looks big on the shelf, but it is truly wasteful. I've yet to find someone who can get through it and at a time when you're made to feel like you've just killed a polar bear for requiring a extremely flimsy bag, its not very ecological.

A little bit of pasta would be fine but I have no idea what the point of sweetcorn is.

Another thing I have no idea about is where my bra's disappear, in particular my white bra's. Its quite feasible to imagine a sock disappearing somewhere along the line so its bra shopping time unlike the first time I knew what I was doing and not turning a nice shade of scarlet while shopping.

That first piece turned up while I was searching. It had to be the one which didn't disappear, to use a modern buzz word it is no longer fit for purpose. bought while I was metaphorically fumbling about and trying to learn a lot in a very short space of time, before I knew about forms socks and tissues were used instead.

Enough early trans reverie it will probably turn up someday in some inexplicable location, like behind the fridge.

On The Bus

2010-09-28T20:00:00.001+01:00

19:15 hours. Haven't written for a while, going to see if I can try to compile an entry on the bus. Catching the last bus home from deepest darkest Berkshire having visited my mum and dropped off a birthday card for my brother so I thought I'd try to write a stream of consciousness entry with a little tidy up when I get home.

Think the drivers in a rush to get home.

Just looked out the window for a second and saw some deer running on the top of a hill silhouetted in the dusky sky, that would have made a good photo.

A few weeks ago I went to Cardiff....

Bus went over the top of the Ridgeway and you could see the lights of several towns and villages.

...took a look at the Mardi Gras event which was in a cordoned off section of Bute Park, typical pride event really, been there before this summer. Remembered to grab some things to put in my scrapbook. Sadly a bad face day, looked a little blotchy and had a spot or two so didn't look my best which hardly helped my confidence.

Went round the city taking photo's (which I'll hopefully remember to put in later). As I was walking back to the city centre someone who looked like a reject from Goldie Lookin Chain only without the wit, looks, intelligence or verbal dexterity shouted something homo/transphobic, I have to say if you had the choice of being abused in any accent, the Cardiff accent is probably the one I'd choose. Oh well, I know I wasn't "passing".

Parts of the city centre have been redeveloped and pedestrianised since last I visited a few years ago.

Time to get off, had to stop for a while on a very bendy country road somewhere in Oxfordshire, that looking at it you wouldn't think a bus could get through.

Footage Of Estate Agent Boards

2010-09-26T19:36:00.000+01:00

Just noticed a business local to me has shut down, over ten years ago as a student I was asked to look over their books (once I had written them, this is how disorganised they were) I said they were losing money and heavily in debt. Somehow they managed to limp on adding more debt, somehow I think the bank will be lucky to see more than a few pounds of the six figures its owed. With lending like that its no wonder this bank has the UK government as its largest shareholder these days.

While I'm on the subject of money, why is the reporting of finance in non-specialist media so patronising? The default position is that my tiny little brain is unable to grasp anything with money or percentages in it.

Admittedly I've been known to read the markets section of the FT but no other section seems to be treated in the same way coverage of politics doesn't have the presenter promising to use clear language and having to explain every technical term. A typical report on interest rates has the reporter saying how the average mortgage holder will pay £13 more/less a month over footage of estate agent boards and how that affects the market in great length before a brief mention of savers just because they don't want to be seen as being obsessed about home prices.

Pride Before A (Rain) Fall

2010-08-29T19:24:00.000+01:00

Another week, another pride. This one was more local but sadly the rain didn't hold back.

Swindon Pride is very much a small provincial pride event, the main event is held in the Town Gardens a pleasant park from the Victorian era with the Bowl stage built in the 1920's with some of the art Deco touches you'd expect from that era, it was restored a few years ago and hold several outdoor concerts a year, including this one.

I did not go any further than the entrance to the stage area, can't say I'm that interested in the line-up, though looking back toward the bandstand, there was a band tuning up, so there was some alternative. I found out later it had turned muddy towards the stage I did not have the footwear for that. Perhaps I should add some nice patterned Wellington boots to my shoe collection, if only I could spot them in my size.

In nicer weather it would have been a great place to have a picnic, sadly the heathens really opened and we all set off to find a bar or cafe in Old Town eventually settling upon a nice Spanish bar.

Overall (leaving aside one menacingly rude man who one felt was spoiling for a confrontation, if not a fight) was that it was pleasantly youthful and friendly though there were very few trans or gender variant people that I saw

Even if my shoes were wet. Got a hug which made it worth getting damp.

There was a group going round offering free hugs (nope me neither) which decided to give me one, for some reason, which I tried to respond to in some non shy English way and failed miserably.

Thank you to Jenny and her wife for the lift there, I'm sorry I messed up the directions though the roundabout obsessed West Swindon (Lydiard Millicent is not a bad village though:)) and to those I met including Jae.

A Pride Suitable For Vegans

2010-08-22T15:08:00.000+01:00

I got to say it was a good day and no I didn't have to use my A.K.

But enough 1990’s rap references this concerns a long rail trip, feeling a little queasy, an unimaginably large marital aide, trying to find a 20p to spend a penny, meeting people old and new, a pride parade and more people than you can imagine in a field in East Sussex.

While you figure out how a marital aide fits in I’ll start.

The day stated just before 6 rushing about and trying to perform the challenging task of getting ready in a personal record time of under an hour, despite having prepared the night before it was still a challenge. In my rush grabbed a red top to guard against the morning chill, by the time I was on a stuffy train to Brighton I kinda wish I hadn’t done so.

The previous day someone had helped themselves to some copper, unfortunately this copper was needed for a signal box just outside of Reading resulting all sorts of chaotic delays and cancellations. So I went to bed the previous night unsure whether my train would be there or if I’d have to find an alternative route but checking the National Rail site I found the area had been patched up and things were running normally and I was back to plan A sitting on a damp and cold platform, trying to connect to the free wi-fi.

I made it to Paddington and took the warm tube to Victoria early enough to wander round the shops and get to the train in enough time to find a seat and join the great decent of Londoners to the south coast. It was to be a feature from then on that I was to be surrounded by a mass of people but at least when I made it to Brighton Station I stood out less then I did two and a half hours earlier. Also I’m early, so there can’t be many about....

How wrong I was. By the time I got to the meet-up place it was packed.

My pumps gave me a blister last time I wore them to the Spectrum picnic and became incredibly painful to walk in towards the end, so I had a pair of walking shoes as insurance. Eventually got to the parade start where even more crowds joined in to throng the pavements, ditched the red top and just wore the cardigan over my tweed pinafore dress.

Rather shyly said hi to a few people I recognised and was introduced to some new ones. Then watched the parade, during which the cloud cover lifted. I did take a few images though they were partly obscured by the bus at the parade start. I noticed that Helena, with her photographers eye had moved to the front, either that or I’d made such a good initial impression that she’d prefer to stand in front of a bus. Anyway I’m sure you get the idea of what a pride parade looks like.

Afterwards the mass crowds subsumed myself and headed away. After a diversion for a latte in a nice cafe where I flicked through the Indy and Guardian while everyone else had something to eat or decided to be sociable I followed the rest towards Preston Park up the closed off streets which became more and more crowded. There was no space until we stepped away from the flow of the crowd and toward the tall clock tower.

There Kimberly was due to turn up, obviously, so many people in such a space puts a strain on the mobile networks but eventually contact was made and she joined us. A slow meander through the stalls showed one that stocked whips and harnesses in leather and those suitable for vegans. Wandering further along in shoes which are also suitable for vegans I saw a stall which stocked implements which ran from the feasible to the how the hell can you use that. But it wasn’t all adult toys, there were those selling t-shirts, jewellery, pants with some gentlemen modelling said product among other things.

Inevitably photos were taken and then we sloped off in different directions personally I felt a little woozy though I thought that was because of the warm air coupled with the fact I really needed the bathroom, which we eventually found at the station. Got to pay to get in, arrrgh, desperate scramble to find my change, Kimberly kindly lent me a coin though fortunately I find the pouch where I stowed my own money just in time.

Myself, Kimberly, Saffy, Helena, Sue and joined later by Kimberly’s other half sadly I didn’t feel better and the last thing they needed was a non-eating sickly person spoiling their meal any more than I had done already.

You know when you've been ill you feel a little better until you look at what you've brought up and then another load comes out. Not nice isn't it?

Brighton station had been set up to handle a mass exodus though there wasn’t a huge number of people there, presumably one rush had past and there would be one later on tonight but I still had to sail up and down the barriers to get to the platform and then find a train to Gatwick Airport where I’d change for the long journey home, no loo but plenty of space, fresh air and a front facing seat. As I got off at Gatwick I could hear a group of loud men sounding slightly the worse for wear on one of the bridges linking the platforms my trans sense of self preservation kicked in and I decided to disappear the other way but not before I saw them standing at the platform I needed. I felt better if starting to feel tired, although I didn’t look it.

The train turned up and found myself a quiet area for the slow journey through nearly a dozen stations in Surrey and Berkshire to Reading and the high speed train home. Whenever it arrives. The only food around was chocolate bars, tried to eat one, didn’t finish. Thankfully got back in time for the last bus so saved money on a taxi, the only other people included an old man who was lamenting Swindon’s poor first game of the season at Brighton. He was talking about football rather than Pride, I am frequently wrong about people but he didn’t look the man who’d have more fun at the event not far away from the Withdean Stadium.

Myself on the other hand.

Three is the Magic Number

2010-07-25T18:00:00.003+01:00

I am 3, the blog that is, so its time for a look back at what's been three years of rubbish.

Yes, this thing has been going since July 2007, a time when people still updated their MySpace profile, smokefree legislation was introduced in England though it was hard to create smoke as a lot of it was underwater and a cat called Oscar is found to have an uncanny ability to predict when residents of a nursing home were about to die (Personally if I lived in that home I'd never sit down, just in case).

I'm not entirely sure what possessed me to set up a Blogger account that evening or to start off with a brief post a few days later, I guess it was the need for a personal space to write, create and to think things through. So within a short period of time this space soon filled with crazy scrawls to become my own personal online nutty room. I didn't think of it as self promotion but I suppose having a blog is in some way an act of self promotion.

I recently went through my feeds recently and found a large number no longer exist, out of the first handful of blogs I followed only three are still there and of them only one updates regularly, so there is a short average lifespan, people move away in various directions and for different reasons.

There has been change over the three years, now I'm just shy instead of being really shy and I've learnt things like never agree to appear on a trans documentary for Sky television as it will be embarrassingly repeated as often as E4 repeat Friends.

And now I feel another chapter has begun with an uncertain future.

Thank you for visiting (for more than a few seconds) or reading via a feed reader like Google Reader including the many I do not know about.

Here's The Magic Number by De La Soul to sign off.

The Woman Who Shared Too Much

2010-07-10T08:00:00.002+01:00

I knew a woman who had (and probably still has for all I know) an unfortunate habit of disclosing too much information once in a while.

And so it was while I was eating my lunch with some cohorts that she says "ooh its all itchy down there, I haven't shaved it for days". After some choking, my reaction was something along the lines of dude, this is wayyyy-yyyyyy too much information. Your colleagues stubbly lady garden is not what you want to think about at any time, let alone with a mouth full of sandwich.

And yet there are many who are comfortable sharing similar things even with transitory friends like I was especially online. The Please Rob Me site was a cleaver attention grabbing idea highlighting the dangers of over-sharing which some should pay heed.

Sometimes, something's are better left unsaid or to the imagination.

Time For Soccerball

2010-06-27T08:00:00.001+01:00

Its the soccerball foot world kick championships or something taking place apparently there's been some dreadful adverts cynically exploiting support in order to sell fatty snacks and appalling beer.

In marketing world, it seems, the only thing they know about football fan's is that they are passionate and loyal, loyal and passionate and if only their product could tap into that. Except they don't, instead some annoying character pastiche is created who doesn't represent anyone I've ever met and is exclusively male. Presumably all the women are only interested in handbags and Sex and the City 2. This marketing mentality permeates through to the administrators of the game hence daft ideas like the 39th game appear and the only records are Premier League or Champions League ones as if the game magically appeared in 1992 and no records were kept before.

A recent report indicated that many consumers couldn't tell who was a sponsor of the World Cup (I absolutely refuse to prefix it with FIFA which seems to have caught on, in some cases presumably as a contractual obligation but others should really know better) and who wasn't. Presumably makes you wander what they are getting for their money and if it could be better spent.

Breast Surgery and the NHS

2010-06-08T15:59:00.002+01:00

A woman who is of transsexual history (AC) has lost her case challenging the refusal of her health authority (Berkshire West Primary Care Trust) to fund her breast surgery. Here are my notes from the judgement.

The hormones which she is taking have not in her opinion produced adequate growth. Claimant has not, "at any rate so far, sought to have such surgery (GRS) carried out" which the PCT considers a core service in the treatment of GID.

Her treating clinician stated in written evidence that any attempts to help are not going to be as effective as a surgical solution and that AC has become more fixated on achieving this aim.

NHS authorities have a duty to balance the budget every year they therefore have to find the best use of their finite resources.

The judge appears to be following a line of decisions that state that they would rather the decision is left up to the various medical boards and accession panels. Quoting Lord Bingham in R v Cambridge Health Authority ex parte B [1995] 1 WLR 898.

"...Difficult and agonising judgements have to be made as to how a limited budget is best allocated to the maximum advantage of the maximum number of patients. That is not a judgement which the court can make. In my judgement, it is not something that a health authority such as this authority can be fairly criticised for not advancing before the court."

In other words health authorities have to decide what gives the biggest bang for their bucks, giving priority to grave illnesses.

With regard where transsexuals stand in the priorities the case of North West Lancashire Health Authority v A & Ors ([1999] EWCA Civ 2022) was referred to by the judgement. Glancing at the case they appeal court judges seemed slightly dismissive of the human rights angle, however since then the Human Rights Act has come into force since then as has the judiciaries willingness to apply the act along with the Goodwin judgement.However he agrees that there is no human right to surgery under article 8.

No consensus as to the psychological benefit BA surgery gives to MtF transsexuals or natal females, the case the complainant uses of Ms X, a natal female who received BA support was distinguished by the fact she was suffering severe psychological damage and even then the decision in favour was probably borderline.

It was advanced that the exceptional circumstances requirement amounted to a blanket ban with regard transsexuals (and therefore discriminatory), the judge didn't agree saying it was psychological need (as in the case of Ms X's greater distress) that was the deciding factor.

The judge therefore dismissed claims that their policy discriminated between natal women and transsexual historied women.

Conclusion.

Given the fact her lawyers had to prove some sort of irrationality to succeed I had my doubts it would be successful and so it turned out as Mr Justice Bean dismissed every argument.

Its simple economics that even the best funded healthcare system does not have infinite resources and the NHS is no exception. Tough choices do inevitably have to be made sadly leading to someone losing out. I hope these considerations are made by rigorous evidence based panels rather than the populist whim of a national newspaper for the foreseeable future. Sadly for most, if not all, MtF women, the process of transition requires very deep pockets to cover what is core to them. I wish AC the best of luck finding the means to fund the surgery in the future.

Elsewhere: Court rules that NHS was right to reject transsexual's breast enlargement claim (via guardian.co.uk)

Demolition

2010-05-30T19:31:00.001+01:00

Two structures one should be saved, the other demolished immediately. Most towns have a large abandoned building which should have been pulled down years before but is just left to decay while the windows smash and the graffti grows. Some big ugly landmark blighting the area like a big puss filled spot on the edge of a nose. I remember pulling into Temple Meeds station in Bristol where a ghastly old tower block is the first thing travellers see of the city which hardly gave a good impression. The former college building is just one of many around the country. The planning and development system should be changed to encourage such blot's on the landscape to be torn down as soon as possible.

The other building is from the Victorian era in what seems to have been re-branded as the heritage area but is known to many locals as the railway village.

The Mechanics Institute was one such building that avoided the attentions of demolition happy post war town planner, a lot of whose efforts have been torn down themselves. It was the site of one of the first public library in Britain and the Medical Society Fund the sort of cradle to grave care that the NHS was modelled on, a century later. Sadly it has seen better days, having been left to decay for as long as I can remember.

I'm tempted to try and start up some sort of meme where I ask others to suggest a building in their area that should be demolished immediately and one that should be saved.

Passing

2010-05-17T23:04:00.000+01:00

I would have written earlier but I've been distracted with other things like... er, changing my ringtone to Yakety Sax which would be a great song to play at my funeral as well. Being led into the crematorium furnace in a fast motion figure of eight chased by a nurse, a short bald man, several women in bikini's, passers by and mourners.

Anyway... I don't know why but my t dar ping's in M&S either its the shop of choice for middle aged looking tranny's or I need to review my spotting mechanism.

Personally I've had a pleasing small moment of female identification, admittedly in dim light but I take it as a encouraging note and suggested I was doing something right, for once. I went out again, after my accident where I wore thick tights to cover the bumps and bruises on my legs, I don't think the rest of my outfit, which was picked out in a hurry, worked quite as well, especially the plain court shoes I brought with me.

Usually when another thread on passing appears on a online discussion forum it tends to give me a form of narcolepsy called tediusrehashedquestionus as the same old views get restated often quite forceful. The only things I will say is that if you're wearing a little Bo-peep costume and six inch heals standing outside Bristol Temple Meeds station, you might not pass. But then one might suggest if you're wearing a little Bo-peep costume and six inch heals standing outside Bristol Temple Meeds station you're likely not to care if you pass or not. There are also no short-cuts, so don't believe the snake oil salesmen.

Above all, don't panic and have fun, self consciousness is the biggest give-away.

*That's enough from auntie Lucy's advice column, you'll be relieved to hear.*

Sensation

2010-04-30T17:54:00.000+01:00

At least it wasn't in front of lots of people with mobile phones or other wise I might have unfortunately become a YouTube sensation.

After accidentally discovering my theory that flying over the handlebars and travelling face first on to the pavement really really hurts was correct I stumble up and inspect the damage. Blood, torn clothes and a broken bag yet somehow my phone is still in one piece and working. Maybe in future I should dress as a large phone.

Bot enough about me, I was reminded of the whole sorry saga of grotty tabloid splashes, as the PCC released its decision earlier this month on The Sun's front page stories featuring trans children last September. (which I commented upon at the time). The Daily Mail's website churnalistic effort is still online. As you may have found out the complaint brought by Mermaid's on behalf of the parents of one child featured was only partially upheld, on clause one (accuracy) and clause three (privacy). The other parents complaint through the charity was sadly dismissed. One learns that their details were passed on to a TV production company, as if to increase their wrong doing. The mealy mouthed apology buried away deep inside for a front page story also wasn't acceptable.

Scrapbook

2010-04-16T08:02:00.000+01:00

The other thing I've done is to decorate my scrap book (below) and give it the ground-breaking title of My Scrap Book

Ever since I read about a woman who has kept a scrapbook for her adult life featuring all the wonderful titbits she collected, ticket stubs, invites to glamorous parties, pictures, letters and other mementos, collages and keep sakes. I have had the idea of creating a scrapbook for my own trans life, the intention is to document bits from my trans life and transition with lots of glue, sticky tape and crayons thrown in..

This blog, I guess, is already a written scrapbook, what I will hopefully have is a physical memento of my life. My first entry are the first pair of clip-ons I ever owned. Over the years I wonder if all the silly little things I've done will build up and show the progression of a girl.

I've seen another transsexual who is doing a similar thing but in a neat, slick and way more professional looking manner instead of my slightly playtime effort.

I say scrapbook, it's more a cheap binder with construction paper, cards and pockets. But pretty cool, as far as I'm concerned. :)

One Pig and Their Dog

2010-04-15T02:05:00.001+01:00

Its spring and the Stunt Pig (West Squad) has found a friend. While they've been frolicking I've been out despite the spot which tends to find the least friendly moment to make an appearance. Ready early by my standards I took my time, put the boots in a bag to change into later and set off. Not a great deal happened, other than coming down a grassy steep hill in heals is harder than I imagined and I really must change shoes for the way back as well, yet I never do.

From the actual slope to pondering the metaphorical depths of the slippery slope. My hair is continuing to grow to the length where I feel more comfortable with it. There are, of course, pluses and minuses to this as I'm sure you are aware or can well envisage and my look has blended. I will have to get it styled and trimmed some day, just not sure what can be done with my frizzy mess to make it look better and (preferably) a little feminine.

Retrofitted Feminism

2010-04-01T23:57:00.002+01:00

Hello just retrofitting my post for a 3D release, so if I start *poke* doing *jab* stuff for *whoosh* no reason you know why.

As you've gathered nothing has prompted me to start hitting the keyboard with gusto *throws paper aeroplane at camera*. Last week was Ada Lovelace day, a day to pay tribute and write about remarkable women in the field of science and technology who will hopefully inspire a future generation to enter those professions. Areas the UK need to get good at if it is to she itself of its recent over-dependence on the financial sector to drive economic growth especially outside of the south east.

*camera now looking from bottom of glass as I pour water into it*

Sadly many women are perceived as being totally clueless when presented with anything mechanical or technological and get marketed to as if total idiots obsessed with whether it'll match our shoes.

Perhaps feminism still has a long way to go. I do agree that modern thinking is more inclusive but there is more that needs to be done to bridge the gap between trans and non trans feminists. Feminism has moved on and perhaps so has trans although there are still many especially older self-identified transvestites who appear to lament the fact society and fashions have moved on and women are choosing to wear jeans.

I believe there is a need for feminism to reassert itself if at the very least to protect the progress gained since the last time 3D was popular.

Identity 8 Rooms, 9 Lives

2010-03-17T11:00:00.005Z

A few weeks ago i visited the Wellcome Collection on Euston Road, London for a thought provoking exhibition entitled Identity: 8 Rooms 9 Lives. It explored various topics about the self and identity and was a part of the institutes series of events on the same subject.

The first room I entered was Claude Cahun, whose photography on gender, sexuality and religion struck me as being quite modern looking. The story of her imprisonment along with her partner in Nazi occupied Jersey for distributing resistance propaganda under the pseudonym of a dissatisfied German soldier was similarly fascinating.

The section featuring April Ashley was intending to show that the chosen gender is more than ones identity. Some mention was made of other trans and gender variant folks, along with fascinating information includeing Roberta Cowell, but this was for the most part April's own story, told sympathetically, through her personal artefacts, selected press clippings along with a interesting television interview.

One other notable rooms were that of DNA profiling pioneer Sir Alec Jeffreys whose techniques use has ensured innocent people have been released from prison to more recent uses in genealogy and the dubious storage of DNA profiles on official databases, also a room on diary's (Samuel Pepys, Tony Benn etc.) and how they are used to present the self.

The exhibition runs until the 6 April 2010 and is worth stopping by if you have a half hour to spare.

Love To Your Mothers

2010-03-14T06:00:00.012Z

Its easy to be cynical and dismiss it as another Hallmark holliday, and certainly a lot crapola and tat is being peddled but a happy mothers day to all mums, mams, moms, mummys, step mothers, grand mothers, mothers to be and especially to those sadly no longer with you.

Have a good day.

I was going to include a picture of some spring flowers but they're barely poking through, so instead here's a mean looking swan.

Skirting The Issues

2010-02-28T08:00:00.001Z

Gymslip hysteria shows the age of satire is dead

By Daily Mail Comment. Last updated at 12:39 AM on 23rd February 2010.

Defying parody, a £70million-a-year quango warns schools it may be unlawful for them to require girls to wear skirts.
And why? Because ... wait for it ... under Harriet Harman's Equality Bill, compulsory 'gender-specific' uniform may breach the rights of transsexual pupils!
Schools that force girls to wear skirts may be breaching the rights of girls who feel compelled to live as boys, according to a quango
It is still unclear how much time and public money the Equality and Human Rights Commission has lavished on its 68-page report. All that's certain is that this lunacy proves, yet again, the age of satire is dead.

As a former pupil of Grotbag Comprehensive, now demolished with the playing fields sold and rebuilt as the Macky D Academy High, managed by EduCorp. the whole hysteria whipped up by some newspapers over the mythical banning of schoolgirls wearing skirts rather bemuses me.

In my memory, with the rare exception, often by wearing a skirt so short (although incredibly long by some some trannies standards) they ended being being sent home. Which is what they wanted. Many years later there's a future partner who excitedly suggests they put on their old uniform for a bit of fun only to be disappointed when she appears in a pair of trousers, an old blouse with a frayed cardie.

But apparently there are schools where skirts are worn and in the current guidance from the Equality and Human Rights Commission to public bodies regarding trans users one part politely suggests transgendered boys should be allowed to wear trousers and that it may be unlawful if they don't. All perfectly fair and right one might think given the great discomfort and distress a trans boy may feel if no allowance was made. Suddenly it gets blown up to be a blanket ban on school girls wearing skirts.

(Though personally this blogger feels it to be a highly retrograde step that in the second decade of the 21st century there could be schools which only permit girls to wear skirts in this country. That along with my views on gender identity will probably be dismissed as "ultra-feminist drivel" undermining "traditional British values". I'm not sure what's meant by the latter comment presumably in "Mail world" that's going back to sending unmarried mothers to mental institutions and hideously racist comments are just a bit of banter).

Total bollocks of course, but you suspect they don't really care about the truth when there's newspapers to fill and a daily quote of things to hate to be met, especially if it allows them to bash their traditional targets. Which is that hideous notion of basic transgender rights. As it rumbled on the commenter's, especially the male ones, a little hot under the collar. Many trans children have a hard enough time as it is with bullying and some driven to suicide without attacks like this and the suggestion you are not trans or in a minuscule group that its not worth bothering with. The numbers one suspects are under-reported, some parents, often well meaning, try to deal with it privately or the child learns to hide it.

Its not the only recent example of a document being so distorted it bears no recognition to the original. Claims of secret plots appear regularly along with phrases like PC gone mad and lunacy. Often after someone's done some digging the truth is rather more prosaic with things done for very good reasons. Which shows despite claims to the contrary shows that you can make it up.

Headlines and Pregnancy's

2010-02-13T10:00:00.001Z

In tabloid speak I would probably be described as follows "Gender-bender SEX-SWAP tranny Lucy (31)...".

Yet it could be even more offensive a quick search through Google News shows that terms like "lady-boy", "she-male" and others, have appeared in mainstream newspaper websites in the UK and around the world. Even within serious publications obsessed with attention grabbing headlines and search engine optimisation rather than accuracy and sensitivity. A recent ruling by the Press Complaints Commission has ruled that the Belfast Telegraph was wrong to the use the tranny in a headline to refer to a transsexual. The article was about a transsexual who worked in a rape crisis centre. One could argue that her being there should be open to debate, I don't think there is consensus among the general public or among rape victims (though many forget or ignore the many transgendered and trans historied men and women who are themselves victims). In the end a partial slap on the wrists to a regional publication regarding the headline but not the tone of the story, may give slight difficulties to headline writers, but it wont stop future pernicious stories.

Example two follows pregnancy the of Scott Moore. One of a handful of trans men to go public with the fact that they have a bun in the oven and not as some reports state the second occurrence to have happened in the world. Shortly followed by a third and we're back to how can they be men if they have babies it shouldn't be allowed wont someone think of the children etc etc. The arguments have been better put elsewhere and I suspect most readers of this are already familiar with them. It is also a dangerous path to start going down if we were to decide to prevent certain individuals or groups from getting pregnant.

It would be a dangerous path if we were constantly to shout down our critics and probably counter productive that's not to be apathetic just to know there is more than one way to skin a cat. (Who ever come up with that phrase, why skin a cat?)

I also challenge commenter's to describe themselves or me (the latter being something I may regret) in a tabloid style.

I Went To A Marvelous Party - Part 2

2010-02-07T03:19:00.000Z

Act two.

I did snap a photo (such a cliché I know) before taking the decision to take the phone instead of the camera.

My make-up wasn't helped by the inadequate lighting in the hotel room, next time I'll bring my own mirror and do it in the hall way I think.

Finally making it outside to where a chill had joined the rain and guessing from the slow trickle of people crossing the road and going down a slope that the entrance to the Pink Punters must be around there.

At this point someone stepped out from the reception entrance and said my name, that someone turned out to be Lynn, the esteemed blogger and leading light of the Nottingham area here with another girl who had absolutely gorgeous hair travelling down for the evening. Both looking great, unlike myself and exuding an air of knowing what they were doing... unlike yours truly.

Once arriving at the venue my first good move happened when I resisted the temptation to attempt a dance around one of the poles on the bottom level, a sight which would have scared many innocents. I did attempt to dance on the level above later but realised that I still have no rhythm. Eventually I followed up to the top level where I saw a few more familiar and unfamiliar faces and chatted briefly with a few some whose names I failed to gather above the noise, for which I apologise massively and profusely.

Some time after midnight Lynn left for the drive back to the East Midlands. Nice to have met, It was a unexpected delight to see you. After she left I found myself stood between a conversation on one side was Jo Angel the overlord of the Angels site and forum whose tenth anniversary was the reason we were all here. There were others including Sarah-Jane, Sophie, Justine, Jenny, Petra, Helena, Saffy, Toni Louise (most looking totally in their element) and so many others (mentioned and photographed elsewhere) that my brain couldn't process as it was whizzing along trying to match names to faces I recognised. As Evan Dando once sung "I'm never good with names but I remember faces". I am bound to have left some out and for that I apologise, maybe next time? Apparently I was mentioned in a tweet by Becky. Jane and Becky looked like a fabulous couple who were comfortable together. Given that Becky has been out even less than me she looked like she hadn't been away.

The following morning after 4 hours sleep and with a poor attempt at shaving for the third time in less than 24 hours I checked out and made a vague plan to head back and explore the centre of Milton Keynes. Living around Swindon I'm used to roundabouts but blimey there's a lot in Milton Keynes was the major thing I learnt from this.

In short it was a good night, I learnt that its worth paying for a half decent pair of tights, gloomy lights help to hide rushed make-up and I wasn't as middle aged as I'd suspected.

(The title as some may have guessed was inspired from the Noel Coward song of the same name).

I Went To A Marvelous Party - Part 1

2010-01-31T02:47:00.001Z

I didn't see a concrete cow but I did get up close with a plastic pig. One of the legendary Unison stunt pigs no less

Just one of several highlights from my visit to Fenny Stratford and the infamous Pink Punters, having left my West country coven to travel across the Thames Valley by train and by bus. According to Google maps the distance was about 72.8 miles. Though most transport companies required me to take a lengthy and expensive detour via London (in the case of National Express, Heathrow) probably not a good thing on a Friday afternoon and and given the cancellations and delays it was probably a smart move.

After much searching I figured the best and quickest way was to get myself into Swindon, travel to Oxford, get the twice hourly bus to Cambridge which stops at Milton Keynes and get a train for the short ride to Fenny Stratford.

For some reason I also decided to attempt it dressed, I suppose, just to prove to myself that I could. Although this involved taking more time to get ready, which I didn't take fully into account hideously underestimating the time it takes to get ready, especially when straightening hair. Cutting the story short it rained the whole time, got splashed by a passing car and walked from Bletchley station.

So I arrive, damp, runny make-up and my hair frizzled, I felt like crap. Though I'm sure the reception have seen worse. On a normal night the sensible course of action would be to put on a nightie and crawl into bed but this was not a normal or sensible night.

Stumbling in to the hotel room I could hear the noise from adjoining rooms and folks rushing about. So little time to rest before I joined them in getting ready, my nails needed finishing and the hair needed to dry and be fixed again for a start. There was also the question of fixing up my face and the supreme engineering achievement that is my support underwear (seriously Brunel would stand up and applaud it, while I'm on the great Victorian engineer why are there so many bland and just plain awful buildings bearing his name? Almost in inverse proportion to his own great achievements. Slough has a particularly dreadful building named after him but the one I saw in Bletchley was not very inspiring. To the man who designed the Clifton Suspension Bridge across the Avon Gorge among many other great feet's of engineering, we name a bit of grey concrete that will crumble and smell slightly of piss. Yes that's a Fantastic tribute.

I'm sorry I digressed, where was I?

My make-up skills had grown a little flabby owing to the fact I hadn't been anywhere and had long ago given up putting on the slap while at home.

Getting ready to step out I felt something I hadn't felt for a long while, nervousness? Giddyness? I'm not sure but it was something I hadn't felt since my first times out.

I suspect it was largely caused by the unfamiliarity of the place I was going to and meeting some people I'd been looking forward to meeting. Once past my initial turbulence the metaphorical pilots voice kicked in telling me I've landed the plane far too often to feel like that and true enough once I took the controls it became simple. By now the noise had died down obviously everyone had gone, but not everyone as I later found out.

The second act will cover the good and bad ideas I had, reel off a list of people I met avoiding it turning into one long "tranny coo".

Sugar Sugar Kandy Pop! Push it Down Pull it Up!

2010-01-20T07:15:00.062Z

Much like a contestant on Knightmare, the late 80's through to the 90's, Dungeons and Dragons inspired, rpg quest show Anglia Television made for Childrens ITV in the few minutes they weren't making nature films. In that I'm constantly saying "where am I"? and am very unlikely to make it to the end without being killed in some way after wrongly choosing the arrow over the tankard, the latter I could have exchanged for a spell to disarm the bomb or something daft like that.

I'm back for another year of underwhelming witterings. In the intervening weeks since my last entry a new year has begun, snow-mageddon has been and melted while the nations landfill sites groan with uneaten bread bought in a panic buying tizzy and built two snowmen, one with my niece the other ended up looking slightly evil.

In a recent dream (yes I know descriptions of other peoples dreams are the very boring things to read and that everyone thinks they are the exception to that rule) sat opposite me at the kitchen table was someone who I communicate with often online but have never met in person. There we were just drinking coffee, not even worthy of a PG rating.

Meeting people who you know only from their blog or other virtual conduit can be a strange experience and I'm rather crap at small talk anyway so there follows either awkward silence or the most awkward conversation since Meg Ryan went on Parkinson as many know to their cost.

In a future entries I'll detail some other things on my mind, probably returning to some old themes along the way.

This music video explains the title, I remember hearing it originally while going through one of many thousands of pieces of coursework.

Happy Christmas

2009-12-25T02:27:00.002Z

It's Clichéd to be Cynical at Christmas, something away from the usual Christmas play-lists (sleighlist?).

Thank you for reading, it's time to log off and to pour a drink of your choice.

Hope you have a wonderful peaceful, loving Christmas.

L x

What They Found Out About You

2009-12-21T07:00:00.004Z

A while ago I used Amazon to buy some electronic equipment and a gift for my niece. When I returned to the site the incredibly complex algorithmic stuff which made their recommendations concluded I was the sort of individual who'd be interested in pornographic DVD's and Peppa Pig books.

Thankfully nobody was peering over my shoulder otherwise they'd be left with the impression I was someone who buys nothing but bongo flicks and children's literature. Also imagine I really was buying skin flicks, it certainly wouldn't be the sort of thing I would want passed around.

This was just after one buy over time I'd imagine they'd have a more accurate picture to an almost creepy extent. Imagine the crap Google knows about you, but hey if you are not doing anything illegal, you've got nothing to hide, right kids? What if this information leads to them concluding you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered you night be bothered.

A woman in the American state of California is most certainly bothered and is suing Netflix (I guess the UK equivalent would be Love Film) for breaching her privacy after exposing her rental history to outside developers who could make a educated deduction (using sources like IMDB) that she was a lesbian, something she would not like to widely known. I speculate what DVD's would lead someone to conclude they were lesbian, the complete Prisoner Cell Block H box set perhaps? I'm drifting into lazy stereotypes I'll admit, the point is if exercising your right to remain in the closet (and even those not) remember finger prints will be left online even if the evidence is cleared out from the local computer.

Yes if you're trans you'll know this as you cant obtain a licence to tranny without IT knowledge.

Hairybum and Smith

2009-12-18T07:00:00.000Z

"So whose the patent Dr Hairybum?"

"Someone called Lucy and Its pronounced Haribom by the way, Dr..."

"Smith, the writer couldn't be bothered to come up with another funny name. Is she still asleep or has she finally topped herself?"

"Sleeping, again."

"Anything we can do for her?"

"No! Apart from offering more and more happy pills she's an absolutely fucking hopeless case. Doubt there's a cure for what she's got, it's too much to deal with and I'm not sure she's got the fight in her."

"Only one thing for it then..."

Picking A Caterpillar To The Maypole

2009-12-10T07:00:00.013Z

It's advent and time to light the first candle on my home made advent crown having just bent some wire coat hangers out of shape and wrapped in some possibly non flame retardant tinsel to mark the first of four* posts before Christmas. The final post will be marked by a big brass band marching into the studio and playing Good King Wenceslas, Silent Night and 911 is a Joke (actually I may have imagined the last one) and it all feeling Christmassy and stuff.

One of the features of this time of year is the end of year list or countdown. You are probably sick to death of end of year / decade lists by now, if you're not you will be. They are a great way to fill space during a quiet news period and do sometimes provoke a interesting debate.

A good end of year / decade / century list should have a number of entries which everyone agrees are classics, some which are debatable but have some merit, a few flavours of the month which every critic hypes up but will be deservedly forgotten, an "ironic" entry and something to make you exclaim WTF or words to that effect. In some ways its like Catch Phrase where there is a familiar saying like 'Up the garden path' and there is something which they've clearly made up out of nowhere like 'picking a caterpillar to the maypole' for which you were left thinking "nobody in the world has ever said that, ever".

This is not to be confused with the television list show which is just 50 clips which we could afford, randomly arranged.When it comes to books you just get reminded of how many good books you will probably never read in your lifetime even if I was a speed reader.In some ways I guess its like picking a caterpillar to the maypole.

*May not be four, my recent output hasn't been exactly prolific :).

Going Out

2009-11-30T03:00:00.003Z

The outing of Belle Du Jour has brought into sharp focus the fact that it is better to control your destiny or narrative than have others pull you out.

A classic spoiler after the Daily Mail aided by a gobby ex boyfriend were about to blow the lid themselves. Perhaps slightly peeved to have their exclusive blown out the water The Mail rather intruded on the privacy of her family and in particular her father.

Hopefully she will get the chance to claim credit and enjoy a moment in the sun her writing talent affords. A secret can be a great burden especially when they become successful and critically adulated the temptation to leap out and scream IT'S ME TA-DA! And take the bow becomes all too great.

How many trans, particularly transvestite identified subconsciously give permission to be caught. Practically allowing themselves to be found out because of perceived guilt or shame from their actions. The talk can't be avoided by being caught, infact it will probably be tougher. Better to control and manage the damage as best you can which is what Dr Brooke Magnanti has done.

Transgender Day of Rememberence

2009-11-20T15:44:00.002Z

Going to keep it short and simple. Why do we commemorate? See the link below.

So many lives, so sad.

Pink Computers

2009-11-08T00:59:00.000Z

Ooh I am a lady and I like pink things, as long as it matches my shoes I don't care about the technical specifications or anything like that. I thought it was a one off patronising, bit sexist advertisement from a retailer not known for great customer service. (I would rather push my head into a deep fat fryer than visit PC World again).

Marketing bods in the gadget industries (presumably all men) seem to have decided to target the female demographic and figured that if they pinkify and sell as a fashion accessory then sales will rise and they'll be trebles all round. Ignoring the fact that some women may want functionality, value or something else.

Overall it is also slightly demeaning to the many female geeks and IT workers in what has traditionally been a male dominated arena, who somehow struggle with something which is not accessorised with their outfit or pink.

Of course advertisers have been keen to divide up the population into segments, generalise stereotype, pop into little boxes and flog stuff to. With men its assumed they will only buy something which will result in them getting a shag from some pneumatic blond. As women we're all wannabe homemakers at heart and rather keen to get a stain out of some brats or dippy husbands (for they are all dippy) while smiling.

I would offer some tips on what technology products you should buy, but what's the point of asking me, after all I'm just a girl.

Golden Lion Bridge

2009-11-05T15:32:00.000Z

I met my sister in Swindon the other day. She was clothes shopping and I was more than happy to tag along. The town centre is littered with empty shops which highlights how downhill it has gone in the past 10 - 15 years faced with the more attractive outlet village based on the site of the former GWR (later BR) Railway Workshop, a few out of town retail parks and the alternative centres of Oxford, Gloucester, Bath and Bristol. At least a new shop has opened, its a pawnbroker, which says it all really.

The photo is of the restored Golden Lion Bridge mural near the town centre, painted by local artist Ken White. It was taken on my camera-phone which only has a few megapixels and no zoom so its not a fantastic image but I love the vivid colours in the restored work. Here's a better image on the Wilts and Berks Canal Trust site and how it used to look.

Gender Pronoun Shock

2009-10-21T17:37:00.001+01:00

One the trendy words you see when you visit media websites is the phrase "fast-turn around documentaries" these are, as the phrase suggests produced very quickly on subjects which have been big in the news and are fresh in the viewers minds and still of interest. In these they have either secured new footage, a interview with a protagonist or an expert given time to explore and explain a complex subject beyond the typical 3 minute news report. "The Pregnant Man" obtained an interview with Thomas Beatie, for example. However its often true that some footage is bought in at the right price edited, given a narration and Bobs your uncle, a programme is made.

To me "Bodyshock - Age 8 and Wanting a Sex Change", broadcast on Channel 4 on the 19th October 2009 fits into the latter category. It looked like the production company bought a well regarded film made for the American National Geographic channel with the assistance of Trans Youth Family Allies. Removing the original narration, adding its own and making a few trims. (Correction 19/11/2009, it was a original film produced by Zig Zag for Channel 4).

The end result led to a lot of the programme wanting to follow the low rent tabloid style recently seen in the Sun. Instead of fully illuminating I felt very uneasy, Like the Sun there was a sense of the circus show 'Roll up roll up, come look at them' in it.

Like many commenter's on the programmes web page I am troubled by incorrect use of gender pronouns used by the programmes narration which contradicted those used by the delightful children, their loving parents and those around the boys and girls featured. To make the mistake worse the programme featured comments from parents saying how upsetting and wrong using incorrect pronouns was.

I can only imagine how enraged those in original documentary feel about their appearance in this. Perhaps it might be a lesson that although the show you will feature on will be great and you have got a say in how it'll look etc It could be sold on edited, manipulated without your knowledge or consent. Something to consider and sort out beforehand if you wish to cooperate in any future projects.

Transsexual Prisioner Transfer

2009-10-08T15:00:00.001+01:00

You probably are familiar with the widely reported successful claim by A against the Secretary of State for Justice and the governor of Manchester Prison in judicial review that she should be allowed to be transferred to a women's prison in order to fulfil the requirements to enable her to eventually receive SRS.

The summary of the facts are as follows. She was convicted of attempted rape whilst a man (her second indictable conviction) and given a life sentence. She began her transition while on remand in 2003 after a diagnosis of gender dysphoria.

Undeniably she has not entered any rehabilitation program and still poses a risk to society which makes her release on licence unlikely (and undesirable) for the foreseeable future.

The description of her incarceration suggests she is fulfilling a large part of the requirements for RLE, (subject to restrictions) including facial hair removal (who paid for this may be especially interesting to many trannssexuals who struggle to find the funds to afford electrolysis and laser treatments). It was enough to satisfy the Gender Recognition Panel into granting her a certificate in July 2006 and according to the judge "presents convincingly as a women". However this is not enough to satisfy the Gender Identity Clinic who require her to live "in role" within a women's prison.

Having looked at the Gender Recognition Act (it is recommended as an excellent cure for insomnia) I had a different interpretation of the allowing for the granting of the certificate and therefore the gender marker on her birth certificate than the GRP. But given she is in receipt it was argued that she should be recognised as a woman as per section 9. Thankfully the judge managed to stay awake long enough when reading and recognised it marked "an important milestone in the recognition of transgender rights."

The authorities defence.

The issue of cost was mentioned, they estimate moving her to the women's estate (in a special regime) to be £85,000 although some press reports imply this is an extra cost to the tax payer, given that she is in a special regime at the male estate her cost of incarceration may not be that much greater. The traditional and frequently successful "floodgates" argument was also put forward. As was the fact that she was for all intents living as a woman so much so that she had obtained a GRC and so there was no breach especially given there is no human right to SRS at the moment. Although rather unfortunately for their defence their own expert conceded that surgery might be desirable and riskier if not done.

The new draft guidelines on prisoners with gender dysphoria.

After much prevarication and interminable delay lasting many years the Prison Service finally managed to write some guidelines on prisoners with gender dysphoria. The draft arrived just as the case was coming to court. They allow for treatment except where there are "risk factors" which she poses but which are "not exceptional" compared to other female prisoners. The judge appears to have taken these draft guidelines into account several times when summing up.

The Human rights angle.

The judge considered whether her Article 8 and Article 14 rights were broken. Article 8 relates to a right to a private and family life and Article 14 relates to a right to enjoy these rights in the convention without discrimination regarding sex, race and so on. Previous judgements have determined that when someone is imprisoned they do not lose all rights.

The judge concluded that the current situation interferes with her personal autonomy "in a manner which goes beyond that which imprisonment is intended to do". Taking into account the reports by Dr James Barrett which concluded that she would only be eligible for surgery if transferred to a women's prison, the extracts from his report included in the law report state RLE is needed while admitting staying in women's prison is a rather extreme form of RLE necessary none the less.

Wednesbury unreasonableness and conclusion.

So in the end she won her challenge on human rights grounds, but the judge added as a footnote that she would have won because the Prison Service were "Wednesbury unreasonable". So even without the Human Rights Act much derided by right wing commentators the result would have been the same

Tabloid Hype, Transgendered Children

2009-09-20T11:01:00.000+01:00

Five months ago I made a few notes in an earlier entry entitled Trans Children, about children who are on the transgendered spectrum or merely "dressing up" and the misunderstandings and bigotry that can exist. I noted the fact the treatment of children diagnosed with gender identity disorder was a comparatively new science and that I remained open on some of the ideas that were based on some evidence, however

"Pushing, forcing them to the assigned gender. doesn't cure them. It only teaches them to pretend and fake it, became a superb secret agent, hide it, fucks them up. It just creates self hate, loathing, lack of confidence, depression, drug abuse, suicides".

It is especially important not to single them out and sensationalise and treat as some oddity. Regrettably that is what appears to have happened. Perhaps the school could have handled the situation better. The media's attention has been worse.

The two children aged 12 and 9 respectively (or as The Sun would put it TWELVE and NINE!) returned to their respective schools with approval.

This story found its way to The Sun’s news desk who decided to run front page stories over consecutive days. Thankfully somebody seems to have intervened otherwise their privacy and rights would have been further intruded into. The story of the 9 year old had to be illustrated with the picture of a child model. As the Alfie Patten farrago demonstrated they tend not to give a stuff about such things especially when greedy adults are involved. In fact it’s hard to imagine the News International cheque book wasn’t waved toward the parties in return for their cooperation followed by not so subtle threats what would happen if they didn’t.

From a grotty rag which frequently prints bare faced lies, bugs telephones, prints up-skirt paparazzo and claims to stand and represent the working class while belittling, mocking them and advocating policies which would not help them. So what’s the incorrect use of the male pronoun or giving clues as to their location.

Its a sensationalist story designed to get people bothered in the morning with no mention of the serious and what must have agonising decision the parents and child faced .

Like sexuality, gender identity is frequently set at a young age while campaigns to tackle homophobia are gaining welcome recognition, similar efforts to raise awareness, help schools and deal with transphobia falling on deaf ears. Leaving only a few receiving care and treatment, like these two who I wish good luck given the mindless bigots and haters they face. One hopes that coverage and acceptance will improve.

P.S. After drafting this entry I have spotted others with their own perspective. Nicky, Jeni, Debbie, and Abi for starters.

Don't Forget To Vote

2009-09-13T00:00:00.000+01:00

Hello. Missed me?

Thought not. :-p

But I hope you are all well. Even if your blog has disappeared, I've done a little tidy, checking blogs that have not appeared in my feed reader for a while and noticing a few no longer exist. So I have removed the dead links and will put some new (to me) and interesting (to me, again) live ones up to replace over time.

I also looked at what people are searching for when they find my blog. I suspect I may have disappointed some who came here hoping for answers to their search queries. So in an attempt to correct this here are the answers to some things you have searched for.

"how to impress a girl". I can only say some of the things that impress me, I would not dream of speaking for all womankind and that's humour, kindness, chocolates and a few Bacardi and cokes.
"bum curves". I'm afraid I wasn't at school the day that was covered in my maths class.
"transgender girl". Hello.
"womans boobs". I suspect you really don't need any help finding pictures of breasts online and your brief visit must have been a little disappointing.

On to the continuing reality show everyone's stopped paying attention to and is waiting for someone in the exec suite to cancel which is the life of Lucy (and by the way keep voting by calling our premium rate line). Last time we all saw her own fragile stability facing its own threats. Sometimes being her own worst enemy these can be from within and if one tiny element is ruined the whole façade can breakdown horribly. Other times when it seems she getting on fine and normal the producers throw in something to liven it up (still time to vote by the way) and entertain you the viewer.

What happens next, you decide.

The Pro-Transition Bias

2009-08-28T07:00:00.000+01:00

I am concerned about what I see as the pro-transition bias apparent with some transsexuals pushing some who need good advice (especially when professional councillors may not be available) toward something which may be inappropriate for whatever reason.

Now I do not wish to convey a holier than thou stance. Like a corporate email I feel I should perhaps put a disclaimer on all comments made, something like; "I am not a qualified doctor or councillor. Please take suitable qualified advice. Please be aware the author may be talking utter pants with a bra side dish". Maybe it should apply to everyone and repeated regularly spoken really fast like the regulatory mandated disclaimers at the end of radio adverts.

This is not everyone, some are just wonderful which is why I emphasised the word some. It could be down to a collective groupthink descending on the meeting. I would hate think there were more selfish motivations at work.

Sections within some of the trans communities do not need to act as pullers it can be bad enough for some having to deal with those attempting to push the person away from transitioning. All of which leads me to conclude that if you are not sure the last thing you should do is ask a bunch of trannies. As I said before this is big stuff.

I may be reading too much into it or seeing things not there.

Sliding Door

2009-08-21T07:00:00.003+01:00

It has been a while since I wore my heals for various reasons either because of blisters or I thought flats looked better, ironically my boi shoes have had a greater heal then anything I've worn the rest of the time. So being away from them is like being off a bike for a long period; you know how to do it, just that you are a bit wobbly and uncertain the first few yards.

Being a bit wobbly and uncertain about transition is something that will sometimes last longer than a few yards. I think often the difference between so called first and second wave transitioners is just time often there is a Sliding Doors moment where your life could splinter off in two directions as we know the one where we think she dies while the other one finally realises he's a creep and meets the dishy John Hannah hinting at a happy end.

Many could have taken the route earlier yet something stopped it happening then but you'll get there in the end.

One thing that hits me was a deep sense of regret over the path not taken earlier. Kinda like a clenching of the stomach reaching up to the heart. I should have some smart words here but I don't, I can't change what I didn't do so and I have so much future ahead even if so much has passed.

I believe there are no (to use that horrible phrase) win/win situations. There are always downsides as well as up, the scales may tip heavily in one direction but if you can think of no downsides then I suggest you haven't thought it through enough. Perhaps there are exceptions but it probably applies to the stages up-to, including and after transition.

This is big stuff and not to be considered lightly whether going forward, stopping or going back and a whoa! moment will show that you're human. If you start screaming and running as fast as possible away from the surgery then it's probably safe to say it's not for you. However if you are describing the procedure in extreme detail with relish...

When it comes down to it, I am not brave. I just am who I should. It's hard to describe the feeling of inner peace where mind and body are contented. The problem is that your human ecosystem changes like the way you are treated by other elements and how certain elements affect you both environmental and with humans.

I do wonder what kind of role model I make, have they met one before? If not are they going to transpose (if you pardon the pun) all tg's (and I do mean the whole spectrum) based on me.

Awkward Stances

2009-08-15T07:00:00.002+01:00

Sometimes a holiday can come up at exactly the right time. A combination of work, family and internal factors combined to make me really low.

I really had to get away.

So I did.

So raiding my red shoe fund and packing a ridiculously large amount off I went. If I had the slightest modicum of planning I would have organised my route to coincide with some exciting event but in my manner, that never happened.

In the preceding weeks I went through my clothes and about a fortnight before that I awkwardly hung about a park with several other trannies in London.

Looking at my clothes I realised I still had a lot of stuff from my early splurges which I bought with no eye for how they looked outside. It's hard for me to remember why I bought what I did I guess I was buying anything fem and never expected to go out in them. I also had no idea of what worked, though I wouldn't profess a totally 100% clear idea of what works now just what really doesn't. In the end a surprising amount was discarded to the charity bin and the odd bit retained for lounging about indoors. My clothes rails still look full despite this necessary prune. If I ever do write a book on how to be a tranny the advice for newbies would be to buy from charity and discount shops until you find your style because you will make mistakes and waste money.

But then what do I know? I never knew just how much of a radical difference hair style can make to my appearance until I wore a new style when I went out.

There are photo's of me floating about with wind swept hair (shoulda worn a hat in retrospect) and the look of a very early stage transsexual who had taken another leap out her zone and lived to make more awkward steps another day.

I Must Be 29% Lesbian Then

2009-07-28T07:00:00.002+01:00

This week I let the Stockholm Pride website analyse my Twitter stream which showed I'm 71% straight. Just a bit of a fun diversion in what has, all told its been a tiring, emotional and stressful end to last week. An unhappy collision of work, my lingering gd (see whitterings past) and I guess other mental health difficulties, along with events leave me wanting to curl up and hide in a big box where I can happily sleep until September comes.

There are some people who make it worse, in short the arrogance, rudeness and stubbornness of certain people got to me when most of the time it wouldn't. When the going gets tough, the not so tough get some own label Baileys (not great for the figure I know but this was an emergency) and randomly play my favourite songs.

And to top it all I learn Starbucks are going stealth in their war to get everyone downing their brews by trialling shops branded as independent local cafes in the US. So their brand must be so devalued recently, they are resorting to trickery in their campaign for world domination. Although the anti-brand snob must be secretly delighted.

To carry on recent themes, I have had a continuing problem over my self image, the sexual organ can be hidden away and can be for most of the time forgotten about. The face is different it is the thing which, er, faces you. I can wish someday and somehow the problem reconciles itself.

The other recent thought being the gender binary and my place on it. I've thought the best way to express this is to use a scale ranging from 1 to 11. One being very female and eleven being Chuck Norris (who of course does not sleep, he waits). I guess I am somewhere in the middle hoping to claw my way down.

I will write about the experiences the week before last as there will be a beginning, middle and end although to quote the film maker Jean-Luc Godard "not necessarily in that order". Its been an aim to get back to updating the blog at least once a week and this way I have a subject. Till then...

A Blogger Blogging About Blogging

2009-07-22T07:00:00.001+01:00

This blog has survived past the 2nd anniversary which in blog years makes this site about 41, it goes through peaks and troughs, much like its author really. This as the title suggests is about blogs.

There is often potentially nothing as buttock clinchingly tedious as a blogger blogging about blogs along with the risk of being a little self congratulatory. I recognise this, however about once a year a article will appear proclaiming the end of blogging claiming the latest web 2.0 site is the blog killer and trotting a litany of complaints copied and pasted from last years article.

Recycling articles is commonplace in magazines from the same summer beauty tips article to the NME printing the recreate Glastonbury in your home by putting a 14 television at the end your garden covering it with rubbish and blocking your toilet, every year when I read it.

The rationale goes something like this; trendy site of the moment is rendering the form irrelevant and that people can't concentrate beyond a sentence or two an assumption common in many sections of the media. Ideas sometimes need to expanded beyond a simple statement with arguments supporting and maybe acknowledging faults and limitations. A blog is a good place where this can be done. Regarding accusations of spam, you choose to visit a site it doesn't appear on your browser unsolicited you choose to visit or subscribe or to leave a very intelligent comment.

Many will gravitate to TwitFaceTube sites but others will use them alongside blogging as there is a niche for this form of writing that will never go.

The Evil Bride Writes

2009-07-14T08:00:00.001+01:00

A hotch-potch of personal updates and general thoughts. Some things have set me thinking about the assumptions which take place within or between many or all the trans communities and how they maybe need to be questioned. Though at the moment its more personal questions which worry me.

Stretch limousines are are quite noticeable on the streets at the moment, I presume for end of term parties and proms. These things are top of the list of things people think are classy but are not above buying your food at M&S and Ferrero Rocher chocolates (they are revolting nuggets of overpriced, misleadingly marketed yuck). The thing to say about the prom dresses I've seen advertised and the photos printed in the yokel paper is that I would choose them but as bride to be in major evil mode picking out the worst colours possible for my bridesmaids to wear. Because despite being way prettier THERE IS NO WAY THEY ARE UPSTAGING ME.

My life has been a little unexciting recently there has been nothing spectacular. Apart from a trip to visit my mother, I really haven't been anywhere. I could go into town but the local town centre is not the most friendly especially at the weekend and frankly looks a bit skanky and boorish at the best of times. That is would I if it was attractive.

The past few days nothing has felt or looked right I just don't see who I want to see and just see (I'm aware I'm overdoing the sees here) a masculine face. Well durrrrh you might say and you'd be right, doesn't make it any less frustrating and undermined my recent coping strategies, although using a word like "strategies" may lead you to believe that I have a some well thought out masterplan other than something I just thought up to cope. Ultimately I'm someone who doesn't feel at home in the male gender or welcome as a female and is trying to seek temporary asylum in a friendly neutral territory.

As such there also have not been any photo updates, a confession I'm sure will start the process of me being drummed out the tranny union or at least a stern talking to.

The Guilty Pleasure

2009-07-06T07:00:00.000+01:00

On many peoples mp3 player (or music playing device) there are often a few tracks that you would rather the world did not know you listened to. Unfortunately these things have a way of getting out. Perhaps your soundproof earphones are not that insulated and the rest of the bus now knows that you listened to B*witched or Bad Boys Inc.

All are that persons deeply held musical taste which they have often taken the time to rip and copy to their mp3 iJukebox thingy. What I do dislike is being sneering or ironic about it (especially those awful "ironic" cover versions that bands do on the Jo Wiley show), describing it as a guilty pleasure. It is used to legitimise poor works or as an apology for liking unfashionable works. The phrase pops up frequently on Lastfm among many other lazy or poor tags (Stephanie has her own problems with the tagging's used).

If you like it you like it you shouldn't have to coat it layers of irony and pretend its really bad. The choice of music is a deeply personal thing, the statistics on my own player have the kind of bands certain Radio 1 dj's claim give you good taste and those which don't.

I would like to see under my totalitarian rule the phrase "guilty pleasure" banned (along with "journey"). Something is merely a pleasure or not. We can all name several films that are well made and beautifully crafted but we'll all get loads more fun watching George Of The Jungle (watch out for that tree!).

Stonewall 40 years on

2009-06-28T08:00:00.001+01:00

History has a way of miscasting what actually happened, some get marginalised, erased, misrepresented and so on. Especially when the revolution was not televised.

It was not the first riot and police harassment continues to this day if perhaps not in such a blatant manner.

Some comments around this event state it was the birth of the gay rights (sic) movement but there were groups and campaigners before perhaps rather unfairly criticised. They were portrayed as older and conservative homosexual groupings.

Understandably there was an element of frustration yet the work of activists like Harry Hay, to name but one are ignored or dismissed. It was just a case of right place (the centre of the major US news media and influential fringe publications), right time. That placed it above other notable events like the Gene Compton's Cafeteria riot, a few years before.

The riots do seem in the following years to have been spun. The ethnicity whitened which possibly makes the attempt to link the campaign for gay marriage with the civil rights movement look even more disingenuous as well as offending black allies and alienating minority lgbt. Trans elements were marginalised as were lesbians it seems. There was no radical movement for trans peoples in the aftermath and things have been slightly touchy with some in the US ever since. As for lesbians I have great sympathy for the suggestion that it was the gender equality movement which provided the impetus.

Then again it probably does not matter whether it was a "drag queen", lesbian or green eyed reptile who cast the first stone it is the symbolic nature and the name which resonates throughout the world.

The End Of Blogger Anonymity

2009-06-18T07:00:00.005+01:00

In my opinion a worrying precedent has been set by the decision of the High Court to allow The Times to 'out' the previously anonymous police blogger known as NightJack.

According to the judgement in The Author of a Blog v Times Newspapers Ltd (BAILII link), "because blogging is essentially a public rather than a private activity" no anonymity can be given to NightJack and by extension the true identity of many a pseudonymous blogger can be revealed in England and Wales.

In the case in point The Times took it upon itself to try and find the identity of the revealing and award-winning blogger, ostensibly it seems by following the many trails left online (although it would be interesting to know all the methods used).

Although their lawyers advanced public interest for disclosure it is little more than a trashy expose, He took great care not to mention live cases and has not to my knowledge broken the Contempt of Court Act 1981 or any other law in his writing. There is also little glory or financial reward, he did not accept his Orwell Prize and donated the prize money to the Police Benevolent Fund.

Defenders of his unmasking will point to freedom of information and accountability. As this Gawker article does, splendidly missing the point that it will have the opposite effect in, as this case shows, stopping someone from writing openly about the inner workings of public institutions and further discouraging whistle-blowers already put off by recent stories. There is also an element of hypocrisy given the use of anonymous police sources in several stories within the Times. Should they be subject to the Times' new high minded approach?

Thankfully although his career may be ruined, he will be free. Given the situation in Iran it is important to state that many writers are risking their lives, which is why in many cases, anonymity is vitally important, sadly it would be possible for people to cite this ruling as justification to reveal their identity.

Whether it is a matter of life and death I would defend the rights of those who wish to preserve their anonymity or privacy from scuzzy acts of so-called journalism.

Boobs, Bum, Hips or Curves

2009-06-08T07:00:00.001+01:00

Quietly reading with the window open I could hear my neighbour say "...he wears women's clothes..." My ears were immediately pricked up, bothersomely at the exact time they moved out of earshot.

I have added to my collection of women's clothes the problem is creating the space in my increasingly filling rails but I can't resist a dress that's reduced and is slightly flattering to my lack of boobs, bum, hips or curves. No surprise, that I don't have 1, 2, or 3, obviously but as I increasingly identify toward the female end of the gender binary its not what I hope for.

That said, I don't wear any padding on the hips and bum, while giving a satisfactory silhouette it is tough enough to use the loo, popping things away and securely (you get the idea) without aligning pads. Hence despite my eye constantly being drawn to figure hugging outfits worn by curvy women I know after hard and expensive experience that I'd just look like a sack of spuds.

One style that attracts me is the andro grunge style. What attracted me was the elements of gender fluidity boys with long hair, girls with short hair, for a start. Although at that age, musically, I was more into Kylie and the Pet Shop Boys twenty years later I'm still in to Kylie Minogue and the Pet Shop Boys although I went through a pretentious 'indie kid' period in the mid to late 1990's, though I was just a teenager and thought I could write poetry (it was probably worse than a Vogon poem to be honest).

Dress To Impress

2009-05-31T07:00:00.002+01:00

In the world of daytime television amongst the auction and property shows a good drama was shown.

In a series of drama's about moving on, called naturally enough Moving On

If you missed it somebodies uploaded the drama (about 40 minutes) to Youtube.

It brought back a lot of memories. So my views as the overall standard of drama may be clouded.

Potential spoiler, highlight to see. The dialogue was sometimes clunky but there were some recognisable touches to the trans scenes like the sigh of joy when he (sic) looks in the mirror and the moment when he's hiding from his dad. Also the looks at other women. Yes the reveal in front of his parents may be over the top but that's dramatic licence paving the way to leaving home. The one slight let down was the mum. From the way the mother acted I was surprised she did not already know or looked so shocked but the blokey, horny dad never in a million years.

Part 1

Part 2

Parts three, four, five, six and seven.

The Carousel Has Passed

2009-05-29T21:00:00.000+01:00

Its my birthday, yay! Woot! Etc..

If you think this is just a transparent attempt to garner some happy birthday greetings then... yes it is,... this being, I hope, fairly honest blog. So while I am that shameless I would like to think I'm shamelessly integral.

But that's not the reason I opened my word processor and started typing. The days leading up have given the opportunity for introspection. The time for "Carousel" has passed (or it would be if we existed in a world where a Malthusian solution was employed) and I still haven't settled down.

I'm still single with no kids, the latter I still have no desire to have although I jokingly remark that it's because I think they will write some kind of Mommy Dearest type memoir when they grow up about their monstrous trans parent. In reality, though, I'd muddle along and may develop the large amounts of stamina and patience parents have that lessor mortals don't.

Ever the eternal optimist I'm still searching prepared to deal with the consequences of my status even if the line may go dead when they find out. Also on the plus side I get the whole bed to myself, can choose what I want to watch on tv, I'm sure there are many more pluses to being a single girl that I just don't realise now, until I'm sat with a partner who has a really disgusting habit.

It is also that the sound of the clock ticking is pounding in my mind. Life's too short yet I can be paralysed by fear, my lack of confidence and over analytical nature. It's not all the time, sometimes I can surprise myself how I step outside my narrow zone. My recent shock (see previous entry) in the end may be a blessing in disguise. Time will tell.

There are other things, but wary of straying into TLDR territory and being a bit tired this will be it...

...for now.

Neighbourhood Outing

2009-05-25T07:00:00.001+01:00

Last Monday was the day I outed myself to the neighbour. Entirely accidentally as I was hoping to slip indoors after he had let himself in. Even after this long my default mode is avoidance and I got the fright of my life when he poked his head round to investigate.

Having had some days to gain some perspective, it emphasises the problems I have where I am and the need to be a little cloak and dagger which makes me feel trapped. But if I let it, then it could become a ready made excuse. It also brings into focus that to be me I may have leave the area to be me.

I feel relaxed about it, at least I know they know even if as appears they're doing the avoiding (makes a change) and is never mentioned again.

Also do all trans girls forget any practised vocal after a shock?

I Dont Bite Before Midnight

2009-05-15T06:30:00.001+01:00

I have failed to write about my recent trips out so before it falls out my mind here's a brief summary of one. Bad me, I know, really should write it while it is fresh in my mind. My hairs getting longer after five months since its last cut, I decided to chance leaving the wig and try to make something from my own hair. Straightening and brushing my fringe forward to hide the little bits that have recessed which limits my style options even more.

Despite this and the fact I was late even for me, I went out. My make up was also a terribly rushed affair unlike the previous time where I over did it. On both occasions it probably showed. One thing I try to do is apply enough without going over the tipping point of looking really caked on.

In the end I wondered why I bothered rushing, not their fault just a further indication I need to find things outside the "scene" which are more to my taste. The true adventure was meandering my way home.

Perhaps adventure is overselling it a little...

But for me my flaws real or imaginary didn't matter and my confidence was with me despite the numbers out and about. Despite having some flat shoes in my bag, I walked home in my heals. A bad decision for my feet but they'll recover in a few months :-). Reactions? None I could detect but then I only get really scary long after midnight.

Net Loss

2009-05-12T06:01:00.001+01:00

There is a lot to be said in favour of net curtains, unfortunately they seem to have fallen out such favour. Yesterday I took a walk via the supermarket that took me though a post war council estate and a new estate near me built in the identikit mock Georgian style that every house builder has adopted. What I noticed was in the new estate having nets was the rare exception whereas the "council estate" (a brief online check of home sales suggests few if any are social accommodation these days) homes mostly had nets up. They also with the odd exception looked nice and white. There probably is an age and class (however you define it these days) explanation in the difference along with the passing of fashions. It has been seen as something a bit naff or twee.

Being never knowingly trendy and having spent ages cleaning one of the alternatives (blinds) over the weekend, I feel there are great advantages of having a net curtain. Firstly people like myself wont wonder past you slouched out eating your tea while watching Eastenders. Secondly you can see the salesman or other unwelcome visitors (hello) approach allowing enough time to take evasive action. There seems to be plenty of guys knocking at my door trying to get me signing with that energy firm or the other, however whenever I check their prices online there seems no more than £10 between them, not really worth the hassle. Thirdly you can peak on the neighbours, don't pretend you don't want to yes you do its human nature. Fourthly you can mime along to Baby One More Time with the sunlight beaming in without scarring the neighbours. OK that's probably just me (I Still don't think they have fully recovered by the way).

There are many more but overall your nan was right you need net curtains so do I.

Wind Farm Frolics

2009-04-28T16:13:00.004+01:00

A sort of filler post not that i don't have things to write about just that I have deadlines to meet which prevent me consolidating my thoughts or catching up with non business things. My family claims once I'm fully occupied I'll stop my little "habit", there's no evidence to that so far.

I did take a little time to visit my mum and took part in a little quiz at a local bar for which we came second behind the people who takes these things way too seriously (at the risk of sounding like a bad loser).

On the way back I saw the small wind farm that has just been erected just out of town which to me looks a great new local landmark but given the protests about similar projects around the country I am probably alone in that opinion.

Take care, back soon. X

Trans Children

2009-04-14T06:01:00.000+01:00

This is about trans issues and does go a little sweary so don't say you have not been warned.

The arguments are not brand new so you might be familiar with them. I have had a bit of time where I have been feeling down and instead of lashing out at the innocent I thought some guilty parties deserved my wrath.

The problem is I feel I am preaching to the converted whereas I probably need to enter the lions den and combat these things against them to the general public and worried parents.

On transgendered kids, It is still an area that needs a lot of research. Sadly some have already made up their minds and will never change. Putting their own prejudices and dogma before the best treatment for the children (whatever that may be).

Now I do not believe in a one size fits all. Every child is different but here's what doesn't work in my opinion.

Pushing, forcing them to the assigned gender. doesn't cure them. It only teaches them to pretend and fake it, became a superb secret agent, hide it, fucks them up. It just creates self hate, loathing, lack of confidence, depression, drug abuse, suicides.

I know transitioning (if that is what it comes to) is hard whatever way (both on the loved ones and the individual) but love and support from you will make them happier.

There are those who believe that they are all "pre homosexual" and not transgender, this does wrongly continue the assumption that gender identity and sexuality go hand in hand. Nor should they be dismissed as just autogynephiles.

Children need to go on a voyage of self discovery. Picking out one dress out of a dressing up box does not automatically make the child tg or gay, its just playing, using their imagination, exploring, having fun. Don't dump all this crap on them by telling them its not for boys.

As for where to go, there are self styled "reparative" therapists offerings "cures" and that all they need is a good male (or female) role model and that a mother should not get too involved in their young boys life and everything would be just hunky dory. It is what my mother thinks and I really hate the fact she is blaming herself because I do not identify with my birth gender. But it isn't the case.The thing you learn is that what you learn is that trans girls and boys come from a wide range of backgrounds and types of families. Another suggestion is that it should be beaten out of them, hopefully other children will join in and teach them that its wrong which leads to what I've said before.

Whatever they may say I am not abnormal nor are these children.

My Own Little Thing

2009-04-11T06:35:00.002+01:00

Oh look a field of trannies and they're about to link up and break into a rendition of I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing. But oh no someone's able to explain basics of the off-side law. This shouldn't be allowed. What next beer?

As previously stated if you ask 10 trannies for their definitions of the trans condition, you will end up with 11 different view points. If I am one of the 10 then mine is THE ONLY ONE THAT'S RELEVANT.

Only joking (I think).

I am happy to associate myself with the transgendered family but like any family (work, biological, household, etc.) you may love some but they can really do your head in and frustrate from time-to-time. What I mean all this back-biting and point scoring in some areas is not helping me.

So I need to take a step back from those cul-de-sac's, to do my own little thing. While I get things in perspective and decide on my way through the forest for a while. It's a compromise away from ripping it all up which have felt like doing several times and which my more rational side prevents.

I am, over time, becoming less ashamed over who I am and who I will be, the moments of self-flagellation are becoming more and more spread apart. Over the days my mood has swung back and forth, one day I'm coping and feel such a fraud for even seeking help, the next I feel terrible and despising of the person looking back at me.

Some are of the opinion that you are better off staying away if you wish to transition I would not go that far but holidays away from the trans bubble are welcome at times.

Sexy Things To Some Sexy Music

2009-04-05T19:35:00.003+01:00

I am no activist however I try to lobby and campaign on behalf of few LGBT causes when I feel their important enough and I can make a half decent fist for them. Perhaps the best thing I can do is just be there outside and present a good impression to the public who have not seen an obvious transgendered girl before.

You have seen in past entries my faults and my poor first attempts. Sometimes only the final release is visible with the alpha and beta testing images removed.

Initially I was ashamed about it but latterly as I feel more confident in who I am I remember such things as my tg early teens.

Like most biological early teenage years there's a lot of posturing and one long embarrassment. Unless you're in Skins, then you'll be having sexy parties, while looking sexy and doing sexy things to some sexy music or 90210 where you'll be stick thin and in need of some Kendal Mint Cake and pies. Afterwards while acknowledging how bad it was you sometimes look back fondly.

Linky Goodness

2009-04-03T07:57:00.002+01:00

If you only read this site through a rss feed reader (through the Opera browser, Google Reader, etc) Then you may have missed the links I post on the side via my Delicious account. So here's the filleted highlights from the recent past (apologies if you have already seen them).

Firstly there's a rather nice and touching eight and a half minute film (available through this page) from the East Midlands edition of the BBC's Inside Out in which Debbie Davis talks about her past as a transsexual through to today.

Secondly there's the campaign (as reported in the Oxford Mail) to persuade the Oxfordshire PCT to pay toward their SRS. Although the signs are encouraging pressure needs to be kept up.

If you are a British citizen or resident and have not already signed the petition (here) I would urge you do so by the deadline of April 7.

And after you have done that scribble a complaint to Ofcom (here) about Moving Wallpaper (Tx: 20 March 2009, 21:00-21:30, ITV1). Espcially if you think the humiliation, belittlement and being prejudiced about transsexuals is deeply wrong.

If you wish to watch it do not use any torrent things as it would be very, very terrible if ITV didn't receive any ad revenue from such a prejudiced piece.

I'll leave with a commercial.

She-Ra Princess of Power

2009-04-02T07:24:00.005+01:00

I preferred She-Ra to He-Man (ugh he's just a beefcake narcissist) and watching this clip many years on it was fairly apparent why. I mean those boots are gorgeous and the whole transformation sequence wins over the poor animation (then most of the animation on children's tv was like that). I remember wanting to transform into a girl just like that when the dust settled there I would be.

Just a break from the serious stuff.

Taking Offence

2009-03-26T22:56:00.000Z

I wasn't going to say anything but then I made the mistake of watching.

What I saw was the incredibly transphobic episode of an alleged sitcom called Moving Wallpaper. Although it never stops the average Daily Mail reader I thought I would view the offending show before passing comment, this has the rather unfortunate necessity of visiting the once proud commercial broadcasters site and watching again.

The more depressing thing is that ITV does have a good record portraying homosexuals, bisexuals and transgendered peoples over the years. In Coronation Street, other dramas like Bob And Rose, reality and documentaries. Compared to other broadcasters who might veer onto the sensationalist which has a EPG attention grabbing title or a dull and worthy documentary which paints us as just pathetic victims.

I was not around for the supposed bad old days where the comedy non-white was a fixture in many comedies (there are exceptions where race was tackled well like Rising Damp and Porridge). However the 80's sitcom gay is well remembered, crude, lazy, stereotypical, without any dimension and offensive.

It starts off buttock clinchingly bad with a reference to surgery leading to a shot of a pair of scissors, references to "sausage factory" with funny sitcom music which replaces the canned laughter which tells you that was supposed to be a joke. The character is deliberately set up to be a unlikeable character which the writers attempt to make it OK to mock her and her transsexuality.

The joke was on her, not on the bigoted or ignorant jokers and gave them the impression that it was fine to be prejudiced and discriminate against transgendered women (and by possible extension trans men) in the workplace as well as wider society.

Comedies can be edgy and original but this was nothing of the sort.

Anti-Starbucks Based Rant

2009-03-16T21:32:00.000Z

To me Starbucks stands for a lot of things I despise, what I want is a cheap cuppa most of the time not a overpriced double wocca choca latte with my daily calorie intake catered for in a few mouthfuls. I do wonder how they have at times avoided the whole super-size me controversy that dealt McDonalds a almighty kick when essentially both are pushing fatty products most of the time. I would be tempted to say there's an element of snobbishness. Yes they do also sell black espresso's but MackyD's sell carrot sticks, doesn't mean most are going to touch it.

What else its the most expensive for crap coffee a taste tester gave them 1.5 out of 5 compared to Caffe Nero's 4 and was found by Which? researchers to be the most expensive. To be fair this is a free market and people buy brands for the lifestyle rather than quality or price Also their previous success forced many rivals to improve their offering. But hey, you read the title, you don't expect me to be really nice and I haven't even started on their business and employment practices.

In short not a fan, much like Lord Mandelson.

My First Visit

2009-03-13T07:15:00.009Z

The first time I walked out, I got to the gate, checked there was no one up the road, got to the gate and carried on walking up the road through a dark park round a few streets and back again. I was so scared.

Sometime after that I got ready to go to to a group in my local region. My MP3 was playing You Love Us by the Manic Street Preachers, as I neared the venue but I couldn't go in, I suppose I had used up all my courage getting there that I had none left. So I just loitered for a bit, think this time I will go in but I never did. Which makes it sound like a big fail, but taking the positives, it wasn't. As you can see from a photo taken on my old mobile my make-up was rather poor and the wig could be better but it didn't matter, I learnt a lot that day. Namely I wasn't going to be pelted with bricks for going out and I can do it.

Evil Overused

2009-03-11T17:31:00.000Z

You know from watching those dumb list shows called things like The 100 Most Evilest People In The World Evah!!! Voted by the sort of person who thinks that sort of thing is important but not voting for their Councillor or MEP. Before I topple off my soap box cue smug voice-over. "At 100 he may be called the man of steel, but he doesn't have much appeal according to you, its Stalin!". With Kerry Katona garnering more votes than Saddam Hussain, the top three comprising of the latest pantomime villain from a reality show, Chris Moyles and Fred Goodwin.

All in all the use of the word evil is used too much. There are several definitions of evil, includeing the secular, religious and the philosophical. This is going to be a short argument because what detailed religous education I recieved in my youth has faded and I went for history at A-level. The point is that anybody doing anything remotely wrong or imoral gets called evil when it devalues true evil when it happens. Like many forms of modern slavery and trafficking and acts of mass slaughter for example.

Come a Long Way Since

2009-02-27T18:00:00.010Z

Welcome to Master-Tranny, transiting doesn't get any tougher than this. A new spin off from the popular cookery show, where contestants face a series of "tests" (the supermarket test, the teenage girl test, any more ideas?) And a lot of talk about a "journey" all played over a soaring indie rock soundtrack.

Guess whose mind was wandering while watching rubbish on the television. This is supposed to be about my development and the missteps and trips along the way.

My voice is not perfect (by a long way the biggest understatement I have ever made), the initial practice sounded a bit too "I'm a laydeeee". I've reigned it in since following the typical route of softening the voice, talking once I felt it starting to click and I sounded great sadly the next utterance would be suited to performing Ol' Man River, Paul Robeson's signature song (a man who did lead a great interesting life which I could end up going on about but will move on to my outfits instead).

I am not one of those who believes that to be a ''serious'' tranny, the party dresses have to be ditched. (It would be dull if we all dressed the same). I can and do feel female in jeans but I will always wear a dress if the mood takes me and the times right I will choose to dress-up. The point missed or forgotten by some. is that a number, need to so they can be kept sane. From time to time I come across some women who express the same point. The fact is that there are few places (you would be considered slightly eccentric or strange for a start, 'hang on I'll just get my cocktail dress on then we'll go to the pub') and it takes too long to get ready for it to be a daily thing.

Yes there are also those women who will always opt for jeans but its not all and it would be wrong to insinuate it is or that not they are not proper females or even not feminist.

As I make the baby steps toward that eventual moment of truth (another cliché) , testing my ability to cope with all aspects of trans life, detailed so richly elsewhere.

Everything is still so relatively new and there is a new test every time I go out. For instance, what do you do when you know you're being stared at? How I stop myself lapsing my stance? All this and so much more before I can call myself a wise old tranny, settle back in my rocking chair and be insanely jealous of younger, better looking girls. :) Or even contemplate a successful transition.

Got Something To Say

2009-02-21T18:13:00.002Z

..but nothing comes...

Hello my post rate has slowed down, over the past month, a combination of busyness and being blah (no ups being UP and the lows being haven't been really low) so its fair to assume no news means my final missive hasn't been revisited and I'm ok.

There also seems a big push in the style media that its now the 80's revival, a lot of it seems a bit over stylised and too try hard. The worrying thing is that its probably the first time for a "revival" that I can dimly remember the original and my, what a ghastly decade it was on the whole.

Back to bed, back to reality.

Send Us Your Pictures

2009-02-11T07:23:00.001Z

I did intend to create a snow-woman but after a brief rummage I decided I could not spare any, so it got adorned with some boy tat instead.

It did seem that building a snowman was something the adults did while the children rolled big snowballs, sent the sales of any kind of tray soaring or sat inside watching Ben 10.

Now back to work.

99

2009-02-04T20:17:00.170Z

I wouldn't normally do a meme type thing but it looks like a fun thing to do and following on from the presumably several already done (includeing here, here and here. I've seen so far) this is mine with comments in brackets.

The rules are..

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. (not strictly speaking)
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower. (possible stretching the meaning of a shower in this case).
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain. (Some big hills but not a mountain)
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. (very badly).
11. Bungee jumped. (no way would I ever do this).
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own Vegetables (yes, they were weedy little things).
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. (slept on a daytime train though)
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (Honestly).
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon. (see bungee jumping)
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. (Ok not strictly but I did do the equivalent in rounders).
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. (depends on the meaning of ancestor)
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language. (not self taught, fancy learning Japanese someday)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt..
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. (well, a quick drawing).
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (have no head for heights)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business. (self employed)
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Been given flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood. (that's bad, I know).
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a cheque. (no idea how I have managed to avoid doing it so far).
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

And that's it. A little US centric so it probably upped the haven't done and don't want to do count.

Caps Lock Madness

2009-01-24T15:02:00.000Z

I have previously refered to the world of the conspiracy thoerist and espoused my belief that most thoeries are lacking any evidence that would survive any credible examination. Since then economies and financial institutions have gone belly up leading to the reserection of one of the oldest conspiracies, namely the accusation that there is a jewish banking cartel, by the usual bunch of anto-semites and neo-nazi's spouting the usual crap AND THEY ALL TYPE LARGE CHUNKS OF THEIR RANTS WITH CAPS LOCK ON as if that lends credibility while in no way making them seem even more insaine.

Here's another exhibit on a different topic from the entertaining spEak You’re bRanes site.

Januaryland

2009-01-21T15:00:00.002Z

There's a great mock-ad in this months Viz.

"Come visit Januaryland, the most depressing month of the year, all year round!... See it get dark at half past three... our computerised climate control has it dull, overcast and a bit cold all day long... (Closed Dec 31 to Feb 1)".

The warning signs that things were about to be a bit bobbins when I watched a disappointing episode of Jonathan Creek on New Years Day. Later on there's the colds, coughs and chills to contend with. The prospect of mass unemployment and payments to HM Revenue and Customs coming up.

Perhaps I have a serious case of the winter blues, I have slept an enormous amount and if I could the rest of the month would be spent in bed. One night, though, I did feel better walking home with the thought that I like myself more when I'm this and not being a boy, which is a sad, almost pathetically small pleasure which encourages me to keep on going.

A year ago around this time a wonderful but sadly tormented woman who took her own life . I still wonder if there was something I could have done even if rationally the odds of being successful were long. I feel so sorry for her family at this time their sense of loss being far greater than mine especially at this time. My thoughts are with them. May she continue to rest in piece.

Postscript. I am so sorry for being compleatly and utterly downbeat.

Battle Of Who Could Care Less

2009-01-11T01:28:00.001Z

You join me here as the war between factions continues, inflicting numerous casualties along the way while the rest of the world looks on at the sheer pointlessness of it all.

Yes I am talking about the transgender wars. Now into another year of who knows how many years of upset, hurt feelings and loudly flouncing out of chartrooms, the battle continues as it has done every day except for one Christmas day where the sides met in no gender specific land and played slightly pointless games like word association before resuming the next day.

Currently a group of transvestites are employing their shock troops with their visible stocking tops to go over the top (for which they need no encouragement) unfortunately their 5 inch heals are stuck in the mud and are soon beaten by a set of transexuals in jeans, t-shirts and sensible shoes using their overwhelming sence of superiority. All seems lost until the tv's special agent behind enemy lines a Tracey Roll, starts a debate about stealth and all hell breaks loose.

Can the transvestites advance and claim victory? Or will they have to return to bob mode before then? Stay tuned.

Don't Call It A Comeback

2009-01-10T08:01:00.000Z

For those new or relatively recent to the blog, hello I'm Lucy. This blog will probably continue to follow the formula I have used previously, a journal of my life along with witterings on subjects that take my interest. I could separate the two but I'd have difficulty running two blogs.

So this is my first post of the year, (151st overall) a chance for a new start. My writeing performance flagged a bit towards the end of the year and a few threads have been left hanging and not followed up. Thank you for your comments though, they have all been read with interest and I will get round to writeing little notes eventually.

My depression comes and goes along with my gd like many others, thankfully it has not been too disableing recently and the dark thoughts have stayed away. If there is one thing I really should have learnt from last year it is that depression needs to be addressed. I am at the begining of a long path (I've stopped useing the word 'jouney' because of its overuse in programes like Strictly Come Factor, X Danceing, Masterchef and other reality shows) its not a straight A to B and will probably have many up's and down's before the final chapter. Thankfully I am blessed to have people prepared to take time from their own lives who have helped me.

I did say I would write a second part on the law of privacy, again I will scribble it down but with a potentually important case being brought by everyone's favourite footballer Ashley Cole regarding embarrissing revelations about his night with a hairdresser. I probably delay comment until the court has had its say and adjust my comments in light of.

One post from the end of October about my wardrobe mistakes deserves a little update. I did eventually delve through my clothes organiseing and removing some horrors. The space created has been filled by my purchaces over christmas. I think its time to create some more space. Hopefully I am more selective without having to rely on mere luck.

So That's A Whole Year Ended

2008-12-31T20:00:00.000Z

My invite to Kerry Katona's glamorous party with all her fantastic frozen nibbles including the intriguing King Prawn Spoons and great guests like Jason Donovan, has obviously been lost in the post. So I will probably do what I did last year, sit at home listening to Big Ben ring in the new year and watch the fireworks. Not that I would have it any other way, its the one time where you need a ticket to go down the pub and I'm never that organised.

The beauty of life is that its often uncertain and throw good and bad things your way unexpectedly I hope you can navigate your path next year with ease.

The Girl Who... would like to thank you for reading thus far. Some blogs are either or all of the following witty, informative, moving, intelligent or inspiring. Mine is ... er, ...

..anyway, happy new year!

Have A Cracking Christmas

2008-12-24T00:01:00.012Z

I give you a cheesy but topical advert from the 1980's. No wonder they went bust in the end, the amount they must have paid the Goodies during this extravaganza.

I'll be back after I've bought some C90 cassettes for only £2.99.

Woolworths "Have a Cracking Christmas" UK TV Advert (1981)

A very merry Christmas to you all,

Lucy Haylie Tolliday.